My 2.9 yo ds is driving me a bit bonkers at the moment, and whilst i love him very much he is making it rather difficult to like him! His default setting at the moment appears to be 'whinge', so if i suggest something that he doesn't want to do ("would you like a snack? Shall we play with some puzzles? Would you like to wear your blue shoes?") I get a response that sounds like I have asked "Would you like to eat some slugs? Shall we walk across some hot coals? Shall we throw your favourite toys in the bin?". Usually along the lines of 'nooooooooo i dont waaaaaaant tooooooo", but said in the whingiest voice possible. He is very cautious, and often doesn't enjoy things because of it. On a recent trip to the seaside he said he wanted to go home almost immediately because it was windy, he didn't like the sand and the sea was too noisy. When other adults (including ones he knows) speak to him, he often says "No" in a frightened voice and hides his face on me or wherever he can instead of answering them. He is terrible at sharing and if he's playing with something and someone else wants a turn (even if they ask nicely and wait patiently) he simply cannot cope. OK, so that covers what he's like when he's in a good mood.
When he is being really difficult i find him very hard to deal with. Recently he has started pushing his younger sister (13 months). Often this comes in the guise of a cuddle which becomes a headlock. Once he scratched her neck with his fingernails whilst doing this. Earlier today i came into the living room because she was crying ( i had popped into the kitchen to get him a drink while they were playing happily), and he was grinning from ear to ear and gleefully told me "I pushed her". He has been getting very over excited, and generally rough. If i tell him to stop doing something or give him a warning this makes him even more likely to do it, he'll start giggling and repeatedly do the thing i've asked him not to. He also occasionally pushes or hits me. I honestly don't know what is the best way to deal with this.
I know that part of the problem is that he is very jealous of dd, who as a typical 13 mo is v happy and smiley and generally gets lots of attention from everyone. I try very hard to make ds feel loved and not at all left out, but at the same time i don't feel like i can just let his behaviour go unchecked, so feel i nag him quite a lot. By contrast obviously dd is too young to need this kind of intervention so he probably feels that the attention she gets is more positive. It's a bit of a self perpetuating problem.
My question is, how would you deal with this behaviour? Do any of you use the naughty step technique? How can i help him to be a bit more easygoing and gentle? Also (i know this is a bit of a silly question as nobody can really say what 'normal' is but i am going to ask it anyway), is this behaviour normal for a child of this age? Should i be worried?