Unaffectionate Toddler

[LennieB]

Hi, this is my first post so forgive me if I say something silly. My DD is a very independent 17 month old. I only took a short maternity and my partner took a year out to be a stay at home dad. We always took her to groups so she could interact with other children and both myself and my partner have affectionate natures. Despite all of this, our DD doesn't like cuddles or kisses. She's perfectly happy as she is but but it upsets me that when I cuddle her she pushes me away and wants to be put down. Even when she falls over she might want to be picked up but only for a moment. She's the same with everyone, friends, family and other children. She shows little interest in playing with other children. I wonder if I did something wrong. Perhaps I didn't do enough skin to skin when she was little. I suppose it's good that she's independent and likes doing her own thing. She's always happy and laughs a lot, quite the little actress. Maybe it's selfish of me to want her to be more affectionate because I'd like a cuddle, rather than just being happy she's so so self assured and content?
I'd really appreciate your thoughts.
Thank you.

Hello LennieB. Welcome!

At her age, no child shows interest in playing with other children. Niether or mine really engaged in playing with other children until they were about 3, so I wouldn't worry about that at all.

Does she like contact such as sitting on your knee or holding your hand?

Its NOT YOU!! Its entirely normal. Shes a little human being with her own personality as you know, and she's just not into contact. My DS1 was exactly the same. He likes cuddles now, but up to the age of three, we got nothing. I thought simliar things - maybe its cos he had a traumatic birth and I never got to hold him for a while - maybe I'm not affectionate enough with his dad. Allsorts. But at the end of the day she is who she is, and she sounds lovely. She may become more affectionate, or it may not happen, which is sad for you :(
I'm glad to say my DS2 is the most cuddlesome little 20 month old on the planet. Loves cuddles - loves em :)

I've had 3 dc and what you are describing sounds like a normal toddler to me.

Hi, thanks for your reply. She sometimes sits on my lap, to be read to or have her shoes put on but it's a battle. She just wants to wiggle away and get on with what she's doing. She does hold me hand if she's a little uncertain of something or tired but otherwise she'll snatch her hand away. It's as if she just want do do things her way with no help.

I think this may change as she gets older. Ds wanted no contact at all from me until he was about 2 and is now incredibly affectionate.

Never torture yourself with what you could have done differently - we could all do that. Generally all of us try our best and whilst it is not perfect, we should remember that we were always doing what we thought was right.

Good luck.

Thank you so much for your very kind comments. I feel better about it already. It's really good to know that other people have had similar experiences and that things were all fine in the end.
Thank you
xx