So worried about my girl and no-one to talk to

[MeggysMam]

First post - so here goes...

I have a gorgeous 8 week old girl and I should be enjoying her but can't stop crying and worrying about her. She rarely smiles and hardly ever makes eye contact which the 'baby bible' says is a must at 8 weeks! I'm a natural worrier and worried about everything going wrong in my pregnancy but have gone into over drive since she was born. I have a HV who jumps on everything and agreed with me on Weds that she seemed 'vacant and with no warmth to her gaze'!! Mind gone into overdrive ever since - could she be Autistic?! I have no friends near where I live and had no-one I could talk to so here I am. My husband thinks I'm worrying over nothing but I just want her to love me as much as I love her. The worry is so great I haven't slept since Weds and spend all day trying ANYTHING to get her to react to me but she won't gaze at me and it's breaking my heart. I just want to know if anyone else had an 8 week old that wasn't smiling and making eye contact?

So your HV said insensitive stuff about your baby and couldn't even tell you about a local mum and baby group - WORST HV EVAAAAAAR!
you can probably find out about mum and baby groups at the library - look on the notice board (as you are there anyway). Also the GP might know, plus check out mumsnet local, and the NCT website, and netmums website. And i know you said you are shy but seriously you should go and hang out in the baby aisle at Boots and stop mums with similar age babies and ask where they go. Plus set your useless HV a task of going and finding out for you where the groups are - THATS HER JOB. (can you tell that i am mega annoyed with your HV on your behalf).

hope the GP appointment goes ok, will check back for your update!

try and have a lovely weekend, enjoy your little baby and don't worry about whether she is doing what she ought to. everyone knows that what babies are best at is being cuddled

whereabouts are you? there might be a mumsnet local you could have a look at and meet other people in your area?
otherwise do check at the surgery... ours always has posters up for all the local baby groups

Meggysmam, are you me??!! i too am a natural worrier and a naturally shy person. i read and read and read baby 'bibles' when i was pregnant (with twins) worried myself to death, and for the whole of their first year i was second guessing EVERYTHING. My twin boys are now 2 and i have finally learnt to just let things be. If i could give anyone any advice now it would be to please not go near the baby books, trust yr instincts and dont listen to any negitivity. I think its outrageous that yr h.v said that.

my twins, one smiled at 7 weeks for the first time, the other was probably nearer to 10 weeks. i do remember being worried about his lack of eye contact and expressions at that age. He is now the most lively and lovely two year old. Please stop worrying and enjoy yr DD.

Sending you a big hug xxxx

I have a 20 week dd, she wasn't smiling at 8 weeks, definitely not, she's a big grinner now If your HV has such poor people skills and is such a dick, I wouldn't be casting warm glances her way, sounds like your dd has great taste. It will click, my dd just realised that I'm the same person in real life that she sees in the mirror. Try and get out, go for a walk, let strangers coo over her. Good luck with the swimming.

Really stop worrying. Ignore your HV. You can't tell at this stage.
Mine: dd1 read the books and did everything textbook style.
Dd2 I worried about her smiling. I don't think I was confident she'd smiled until she was nearly 4 months. She would not do those big toothless grins that I expected after dd1. At 7yo people comment on how smiley she is and she's certainly the most confident socially.
Ds smiled at 1 week. And kept on smiling at anyone who came near him. I caught him smiling at his sister's doll at one point. Any face, he smiled. He also babbled much more than his sisters did. He'd just sit on my lap and I'd say something and he'd apparently listen and then babble back from a very early age. People commented that he was so smiley and chatty. He's the one who I have speech and social concerns now at age 4. He's had problems with glue ear (2 sets of grommets) which has effected both, but his speech and social skills are probably more than a year behind his sisters at the same stage. And he's started school aged just 4yo whereas they were nearly 5yo.

I know how you feel. I have an 8 month old DD and remember what I was like in the early days. Since then I have found my way around trusting my instincts and so will you. I presume that she has had her 6 week check up with the GP but if you are so worried do pop in there again to have her checked or referred. One way or another you need to put your mind at rest so that the little one does not pick up on your anxiety. By the way, the HV you mention sounds like a complete idiot. Good luck, I'm sure your baby is just fine. Mine stared at a lamp rather than me for a long time :)