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Any Ideas? Help please!!!!!

8 replies

pfer · 24/11/2005 20:40

DS1 went back to playskool really happy after the summer hols. About 2 weeks on he started wetting the bed again - he'd been dry since January. Then he started waking through the night - he sometimes did this before but would either just go back to sleep or get in with us and go to sleep - now he just gets in with us and lays there. Awake. For hours. When you look at him he shuts his eyes & pretends to be asleep. He's got really clingy as well.

A few weeks ago I was taken aside by the 'supervisor' as he'd had a go at a new boy. I was as horrified as they were shocked. It was a complete turnaround for him. Out of all the kids there he was the one that they'd least expect it from. I had serious words with him and he made up with the little boy and there have been no more incidents.

However, he now refuses outright to go there, I have to drag him. They say he usually asks to go home and says he wants mummy. I watched him a few days ago and he was trying to play with a group of 5 lads. The supervisor said "look at them playing, he's fine". But they weren't playing with him, they were kind of working as one playing against him if you get what I mean. A couple of minutes later he was walking about by himself, dragging his feet, looking as miserable as sin which I pointed out. Apparently because I'm his mum I'm being oversensitive to it and to them he just looked like a little boy wondering what to play with next. As soon as she'd said that he started crying asking to go home. I had to go in to settle him. He stayed. When I picked him up they said that they'd split up that group of boys and made them play with other people and DS had had a much better day as had the other children and the carers!!

Anyway, he's been off ill today and I was chatting with him gently trying to find out what's wrong with him, why he no longer likes playschool and he said that 2 boys scare him. 1 of them is supposed to be his friend. If it was DH not wanting to go to work and said something like that I'd think he was fibbing, but DS is brutally honest. He'd drop himself in it even if he could get away with something because he just can't lie.

The problem is, playschool are treating me differently now. They now say he's being difficult as he said he didn't want to make a snowflake the other day. So what's new? Half the little buggers didn't want to but they all did including DS. They seem like they're trying to get me to think it's all DS and that there's no problem there but I'm 100% sure there is. I just don't know how to handle it. I mean I'm pretty sure he's being ever so gently bullied but I don't really know what to do as they say he's fine and get's on great with ALL the kids there.

Any thoughts?

Sorry for being so long.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
longwaytogo · 24/11/2005 21:47

How old is he? It's so horrible when we leave our little precious darlings in the hands of someone else. We worry about whether they mix, who they play with etc etc, but if my dd was this unhappy i think i would seriously have to rethink where he should be

aloha · 24/11/2005 21:53

I'd seriously think about taking him out and either moving him or keeping him at home for a bit if that's possible. How old is he?

pfer · 25/11/2005 16:03

Sorry for late reply - fell asleep on the sofa (these night time wakenings will kill me!)

DS will be 4 at the start of January. So he's due to start at the local primary school reception class in April. I have considered taking him out (at least cutting his sessions right down) to see how he get's on but am worried that he'll get used to being at home again and not want to go to school

It's breaking my heart to see him so down.

I'm going to look into other local playschools next week so I know what my options are. Also my HV has suggested that I stay for part of his sessions for a while to make sure he knows that he's got my support - that's fine - what hacked me off was her laughing about certain children not fitting in with the Alpha Males

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pfer · 25/11/2005 19:15

Hello, anyone there?

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lummox · 25/11/2005 19:25

the hv said that about alpha males? that would be appalling if it wasn't so pathetic.

for what it is worth, it sounds to me like there is a significant problem that is not of your ds's making. he is clearly a sensible lad and if he is that unhappy, and in that way, there is probably good cause.

it is really hard to know what is just about settling in and what is real, and i think as adults we can all remember times when we just needed to find our feet and times when we were genuinely miserable and needed to come home.

you are the person in the best position to know which this is, and it sounds like the latter.

i really wouldn't worry about ds not being happy at school. he sounds like a very sweet boy, and i would think it pretty likely that he will be fine starting new long with other new starters provided that the group of boys from his nursery aren't there.

sorry - no caps - feeding.

pfer · 25/11/2005 19:31

lummox, thanks.

DS started playschool Sept 04 and took a while to settle in as he's a late talker, shy and sensitive, bless his little socks. .

He'd just settled in ok before the summer hols, and was really looking forward to going back, kept asking when it was open again etc. thats why we're so upset. He'd settled in and now it's all gone pear shaped.

It's so sad and upsetting, I just want him to be happy

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lummox · 25/11/2005 19:36

must be awful to see him so upset.

but don't make it worse by thinking it is some failure in him or something that is going to follow him when he goes to school. the fact that he settled in after a rocky star makes it even more likely that it is a problem with the playschool, nt him.

pfer · 25/11/2005 20:09

thank you

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