Just gone back to work and DD very upset - any advice

[jojobingo]

I have recently returned to work (7 weeks ago) after 9 months maternity leave, and my 3 year old DD seems to have taken it very badly. Usually outgoing and confident, very happy and giggly, she suddenly looks miserable almost all of the time, has become more clingy and insular and says "Mummy, I love you" non-stop. I work full time (and cannot change that) but I try and be there every evening to do stories and bedtime, and give her all of my time at weekends. I cuddle her lots and tell her I miss her and love her, but explain that I have to go to work to earn money so that we can live in a nice house and have nice toys etc. I have a very capable nanny but who is a firm disciplinarian and I am worried that she is hard on my DD at a time when she really needs to be given the benefit of the doubt. Is this normal behaviour in a 3 year old and who is right about the discipline issue - me or my nanny? Please help - am feeling very guilty indeed about being a working mum.

jojobingo, you are PAYING the nanny - give her instructions that you want her to ease your daughter through this period. It doesn't matter who is right (tho you are of course!), she's the employee and should do things as you like them - they're your kids, after all.

the other thing I would say is just don't allow yourself the guilt - your daughter may pick up on it, and it's just pointless as, like you say, you have to do it.

My other question is do you REALLY REALLY REALLY have to work full time? Even having one day off a week would give your children a more 'even' spread of parental / other care. When we decided to have kids I personally did not feel I could work full time, and I'm not saying that this was because we could afford for me not to! We are broke, in debt and selling our house, to downsize. But i'll NEVER regret spending more time at home, whereas I know I would have looked back and regretted more time at work! I don't say this to say my decision was better than yours, (because our situation has its own stresses and strains) but just to play devils advocate for a while as sometimes we think we have to do things that just aren't so important as being with our kids.