Bullying at nursery - advice needed please

[strawberry]

Ds1 is 3.5. He has been going to nursery since January and generally likes it. He started complaining about another boy who was 'being mean' to him. My husband saw him shove our son in the face in the park and hit him at a party. I phoned nursery but they said they hadn't nticed anything but would keep on eye on things. That was in September.

Today the nursey manager asked me to stay for a chat and said that there was a 'gang of 3 boys' who were causing some problems and they were being quite careful not to get caught, hence they hadn't noticed before. Nursery are trying to distract the 3 boys and keep them busy.

At home we have been saying, if someone does something you don't like, tell them and then walk away. if they carry on, then tell the teacher - although he never does tell the teacher.

Questions are:
Is this suffiecient action by the nursery at this age?
Are we giving him the right info at home?
Thanks

yes
and es

At least the nursery manager is now aware of the problem and took it on herself to talk to you about it. I would advise your ds to talk to you or one of the teacher's about anything he doesn't like. You need to make it clear that if these boys are mean to him, it is not his fault, he has done nothing wrong. I also take it that they are bullying other children too, so your son is not being singled out.

I would ask the nursery if these boys parents have also been notified. If they have, then I would leave it and see what happens. Just encourage your ds to be open.

I'd say yes too. You've given him brilliant advice and it's great that he tells you.

the only thing I would keep an eye on is that IF distracting these boys and keeping them busy doesn't stop the probs (which it should do!) then the nursery need to be giving them consequences for their actions and letting the boys parents know, etc. But it sounds promising that at this stage they are distracting, keeping busy, etc, rather than 'punishing', because these boys don't need to be demonised, just shown a better way. So I think the nursery sounds good.

Thank you.
yes it's not just him.
No they haven't spoken to parents of boys involved.

Hmmm, they should really speak to the parents of the boys involved. I mean, I would like to know if my ds was involved in bullying! I would ask that they do so!

Strawberry - I would be as anxious as you about this. My ds (4.5) is such a gentle wee boy and has been picked on at Nursery many many times.

We told him if someone hits/pushes/nips/takes a toy from him then he should tell them loudly not to do that because its naughty and that he was very angry with them for it.

We witnessed him using it on a boy of about 7yrs at a soft play room after the older boy had threw a toy at him. The 7 yr old apologised and ds just walked away looking very triumphant! We were so proud. The message you're giving at home is the right one IMHO.

HOWEVER, i'm slightly dubious about the Nurseries reports of a "gang of 3 boys" sneaking around causing trouble. How old are these children???? I really don't think at pre-school age that children have the capability to set up some kind of 'mob rule' or have the initiative to sneak around do naughty things deliberately to deceive the Nursery workers! I think perhaps they are trying to cover up for the fact they just haven't been vigilant enough.

I'd question the Nursery about just what kind of trouble this 'gang' has been causing..... and how they have managed to conceal their trouble-making.

I agree with Dexter and would also add that if the manager has spoken to you then the parents of the instigators should also be spoken to so that every one is in the know. Ask manager reasons as to why parents of those other children have not been notified and maybe get more info on bullying policy so that you know what next steps are if the bullying continues.