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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Daughter nearly 3.5 still with a dummy

15 replies

KnickersInAMist · 25/06/2011 20:51

Never really wanted to use a dummy in the first place, caved in & didn't nip it in the bud in the early stages when I really should have & it would have been much easier. Now my DD only has it at night but I've been desperate to get rid of it altogether for over a year now and nothing seems to work. Dummy Fairy didn't - replacement bedtime cuddly toy didn't - putting holes in it doesn't. I realise this is partly about my own willpower but as much as I want to get rid of it, my DD goes into such fits about it, screaming, thrashing, pleading, wimpering, sobbing that I can't seem to stay firm. It depresses me how attached she is to it. She has a bunny as well, with lovely soft ears which she strokes to go to sleep so I wish that could be enough.

Has anyone had an epic struggle over this, with a child at this age, and did you have a breakthrough moment which might help me? maybe this is a battle that I shouldn't fight at all & just chill out about it but I'm not sure I can. I feel so guilty that I let it get to this and now stupid for not being able to get rid of it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Seona1973 · 25/06/2011 20:54

all 3 of my sisters kids had a dummy until around the age of 5 at which point they gave it up with a bit of bribery

missorinoco · 25/06/2011 21:00

We didn't struggle purely because I didn't try at this stage. (Wimp that I am.)
I started saying from a little older than you are that big 4 year olds didn't use/need dummies, but just gently and didn't push it. Also occasionally threw in about not needing a dummy when one went to school, during excited about school talks.

A few weeks before 4 DS had chewed a hole in his dummy, I nicely refused to replace it. (Very small before someone tells me it could have killed him.) He didn't want it that night (no fuss, just had it by the bed). He kept it by his bed for a few weeks then out of the blue one night told me to bin it. I hit it in surprise, didn't want to be caught out by screams at silly o'clock, but he didn't ask for it again so I chucked it a week after.

Never mentioned again.

I had also brought up that big boys who didn't need dummies could chose a little treat when they got rid of them, eg cartoon-character-of-the-week t-shirt. When I offered this to him after the dummy was gone but he wasn't bothered, it was such a non event.

HTH.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 25/06/2011 21:02

DD now has a dummy at bedtime after never having one as a baby. But she gave up her bottles recently in favour of a dummy so it's a step in the right direction. One day I'll phase out the dummy...probably when she's about 18.

thisisyesterday · 25/06/2011 21:04

my 3.5 yr old also still has a dummy at bedtime and when he is poorly

i think that right now he needs it for comfort and is too small to really accept alternative forms of comfort, or to understand what giving it up really would mean (he can't really comprehend how he will feel about not having it the next day, and the next, etc etc)

so right now i am not worrying too much over it, am sure when he is older he will be more amenable to some low-key bribery

Marne · 25/06/2011 21:11

Dd2 is 5 and still goes to bed with her dummie (and 1 spare just in case).

RitaMorgan · 25/06/2011 21:14

Why do you need to get rid of it? Is it causing a problem?

Original poster

KnickersInAMist · 25/06/2011 21:34

Thank you for all your quick responses. I think I've just let this get to me this evening & I've never posted on here before. It seems this is more about my hang-ups than my DD's - I just don't like not being able to get rid of something I don't like (control freakish of me obviously). I'm a swotty kind of person who usually likes to tick the boxes in the right way and I feel like I've done something wrong by allowing my child to have a dummy after the age of 2. I feel wide open to criticism and I don't like it. Since everything else is ticking along quite nicely with her, I suppose I'm just going to have to let her have this and hope that it doesn't feel necessary for too much longer.

I can do that. Thank you for helping me to put this into perspective.

OP posts:

crispface · 25/06/2011 21:34

dd is almost 4 and I feel the same way as you OP. However, it is not causing much of a problem. She is a bit goofy, but how do I know that is dummy use and not just the way she is. She only has it for sleep and I fluctuate between it being a huuuge problem, and thinking she can have it until she is 12 if she likes.

This week I want to get rid of it, but the rest of my family say I am being mean. So I will leave it. For now.

thisisyesterday · 25/06/2011 21:38

i asked myself why i wanted rid of ds2's.

i couldn't really come up with a reason, other than it being bad for his teeth, but when I asked the dentist about it she said his teeth are fine despite the dummy use!

bluebump · 25/06/2011 21:38

This sounds familiar, my DS (2.10) still has his dummy for naps, we tried getting rid of it when he was younger but he couldn't settle himself to sleep without it. We keep saying how exciting it will be in a few months when he is 3 and is a big boy and he'll be going to pre school and how he won't need his dummy then - he is in agreement but we'll see if that's the case in a few months!

hugeleyoutnumbered · 25/06/2011 21:47

why do you want dc to give it up? leave them to it,it will happen all in good time, there is no rush,

cherub59 · 25/06/2011 22:52

Took ds 1 at 2 to a toy shop and he "paid" prebriefed shop assistant for toys with dummies.

He knew what was going to happen and put his dummies in my bag, then went to the toy shop, chose a toy, "paid" for it, chose Another and so on....

Got 4 toys with 5 dummies as paid 1 dummy for something like a ball and 2 dummies for a super amazing Lego set he wanted....

After dreading losing the dummy it ended up being easy as it was his choice...think that was the key.....

TimeForCake · 27/06/2011 09:30

Really like that idea cherub! I feel the same as you knickers. DS is 17 months but wish I'd been brave and got rid of the dummy earlier. Has it mainly at night but has now named it and so asks for it every now & then. Don't know why I worry about it so much - think there is a ridiculous stigma attached to having a dummy. This thread has made me feel better though!

Rooble · 27/06/2011 09:39

I had the same feeling, that it just wasn't quite right (DS was about 2 and a half/three quarters), and was embarrassed when other people saw it.
But my SIL had a baby at about that time, so we put the dummies with the baby clothes, agreed it was a baby thing, he "wrote" a covering "letter" to the baby, saying that the dummy was a very special present because DS really loved it.
The baby sent him a helicopter in return!
He was upset the first night, but every time he cried we said "oh but you wanted to send it to Baby Samuel, because he's the baby now, not you". By the second night he'd forgotten, now he looks a photos and wonders why he would have had a dummy.

UniS · 27/06/2011 22:12

Break through was..

After a while of our talking about his getting a bit old for a dummy and he would have to give it up "soon". We moved house to anew area during school holidays. DS was 3.6.

IN new town , shopping, DS saw a mini PC mouse he WANTED. Oh HOW he wanted it, it was red, it was the right size for his hand, it would make playing games easier.... ( it was something I was wondering about getting him for Christmas) I offered it as the reward for ditching his dummy. Didn't set a time scale, just said he could have a mouse when he had given up dummy and sent them off to New baby cousin.
Same evening- DS declared he did not want his dummy. and never asked for one again. Bizarrely it was the day before he started at a new preschool, so NOT the night I would have forced anything new on him. But his desire for the mouse overwhelmed any liking for his dummy.

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