Really feel like I have failed my 3 year old DD :(

[milkyways]

Took my DD to the hospital today for a routine eye test and they have prescribed her glasses. I am so sad because they prescribed the glasses for astigmatism, that she must have inherited from me, as DH's eyesight is perfect. I feel so angry with myself.

Another reason why I am so upset is because I was picked on at school when I wore glasses, and I would hide them so I wouldn't have to wear them. I know she's still young, but it just breaks my heart that she's still a little baby, and she will be wearing glasses. She starts school next year and I am so worried about her already. I have never felt so protective of her.

I would also like to add that I am nearly 12 weeks pregnant, so this may be just hormones, but I have been crying since this morning thinking about her having to wear glasses. I don't want her to feel like the odd one out in school. Thankfully she is in nursery today but I told her many times this morning how cool and pretty she will look wearing her new glasses. My husband thinks the astigmatism will sort itself out when she wears the glasses, and he thinks I'm being silly. I just feel so sad right now.

Am I over reacting? :(

My DD got glasses aged 4 (now 5).

Like you, I worried it would make her different as she was about to start primary school and I didn't want her to be the 'girl with the glasses'.

She loves them and in the last week or so of school there seems to have been an explosion in spectacle wearing girls!

Perhaps as children are assessed at a young age these days for vision problems (both mine regularly attend the eye clinic) the chances are that more children will be wearing glasses young and therefore your DD will not be alone.

Also, the range of glasses and cases available via the NHS make it quite attractive for kids compared to when we were young. The others may actually be a bit jealous!

I think I did feel a bit like you initially, but its better she has them (really!) especially if she needs them to see the board etc when she goes to school.

It would be worse if it wasn't picked up on until she was older. I really don't think children notice others in glasses the way they used to.

I had glasses from 5, one of my DC had them from 3 (can't believe I hadn't noticed they were as blind as a bat!).
Loads of children at my primary school wear them and to the best of my knowledge no-one comments.
And the younger they are the more proud they seem to be that they've got them.
Don't worry, you haven't done anything and she'll be fine!
(Of course, she'll lose them, break them, bend the arms...)

Yes, you are overreacting. Yes, it is probably hormones. And fwiw I would say the chances of getting bullied because of glasses have diminished considerably over the last 20 years; these days, lots of children see glasses as cool and lots of schools clamp down on bullying like a tonne of bricks.

She'll be fine.

I'm very shortsighted and also have astigmatism. I knew I couldn't see properly from the age of 8 or 9, though looking at childhood photos, I was obviously struggling to focus from 5 or 6. My parents ignored the problem for years until I was 14 and suffering 5 day migraines every week. By then the damage was done. I can't see detail even with prescription glasses as my brain just doesn't process this info after years of blur. I wish I'd had glasses a lot sooner. I know it's upsetting but it's DEFINITELY the right thing to do. xxx

My DS2 came home in reception after a school nurse review saying he needed to see an optician as his eye result was odd.
The optician said his right eye had a very bad astigmatism and that he needed the hospital eye team to get involved. They explained that his brain had turned off his right eye and so he has had to have patches for over a year.
I was MORTIFIED. I had been meaning to take him to the opticians for some time, both I and my husband have eye issues. And yet someone else picked it up... I was so guilty.
I too was bullied as a child. DS2 has NEVER been bullied. Lots of kids have them and he has managed really well. He was only 4 when he started wearing them.
Luckily his right eye has now been switched on by his brain (how amazing).
An astigmatism will never 'go away' it's your eye ball being the wrong shape so he will always need glasses but at least both his eyes work.
It's natural to feel upset but please don't worry glasses wearing these days is no longer stigma

Both my daughters wear glasses and have done since they were 2 years old. DD1 - now 4 .9 yo and starting school in September has also worn a patch for up to 4 hours a day for the past 2.5 years. They are both long-sighted (DD1 fabulously so!) and both have astigmatism. DD1 also has lazy eye (hence the patching).

We have never had anything other than positive comments about their glasses. Both of them are very happy wearing their glasses - we have a girlie glasses gang as I am short sighted and DP has perfect vision so he can't be in our gang!

Also, as a primary school teacher, there really doesn't seem to be any problem for children wearing glasses, other than their friends wanting to wear them too!

Don't blame yourself and don't be sad. I wore glasses from 10 and they were horrible in those days, big plastic frames and those awful pink, blue or brown national health glasses. I ended up with the brown ones as the optician said they suited my colouring better. BUT it isn't like that now! My son has been wearing glasses since the age of four and hasn't been teased. There is a fab range of kids glasses now, specially in Specsavers. All sorts of trendy specs for kids and favourite characters, like Mr Men and Barbie.

DS1 was 2 when he started wearing glasses and 10 years down the line I can honestly say nobody has ever made fun of him. Thank god for Harry Potter is all I can say - he seemed to make glasses cool.

I too beat myself up for a long time but have come to accept that there is nothing I could have done about it and they are part of him and his character now. Please don't worry about it - she will be fine.

How can you blame yourself for this (apart from pregnancy hormones which are a totally rational explanation)? Even if it's hereditary it's not your fault, your DD may have inherited eye problems but I'm sure she'd rather have a lovely mum who cares so much about her than someone with 20:20 vision but less concern for her welfare.

Glasses are cool these days anyway, just make sure you get her nice frames

I have done far worse by my dcs: I have handed on to both of them a joint condition that means chronic pain and leaves dd more or less dependent on a wheelchair. I tell myself that the alternative would have been for them not have been born at all- and I can't imagine that would be a better alternative for any of us.

Come to think of it, dd wears glasses too. I never really thought of that...

Thank You everyone for the reassuring comments. I know attitudes have changed alot in regards to glasses - nearly all my nieces and nephews on my side of the family wear glasses too, so I guess it was inevitable for her to wear them one day.

The frames we chose are pink and pretty well suited on her face. I'm still a little sad about it, but talked it through with friend last night, and I should be thankful that it was spotted this early on, rather than have her suffer from bad blurry eyesight. Friend also pointed out that DD is very independant and headstrong and I shouldn't be worried about any bullying issues (if they arise), and she is right about that.

Thanks again to everyone for taking time to reply.

Hi 2 of my 4 kids have astigmatism, it's not your fault, let's see, 2 of my kids have eczema and asthma, 2 don't, 2 wear glasses, 2 don't, 2 had very bad teeth in infancy, 2 had perfect teeth, the ones with bad teeth were born with a deficiency that effected the development of enamel and they,re teeth grew in black, oh and one of my kids is severely dyspraxic. These are things that just happen, they are no ones fault, so drop the guilt, you took her and got glasses so she could see better, a good job done.

As for glasses, kids glasses are now cool, designer, fun and trendy, they are seen as in, so don't worry about bullying if anything she will be envied

I work in the optical profession and without wishing to sound flippant, I can honestly say it is far more common for us to witness young children getting upset over the fact that they've had an eye test and DON'T need glasses than those that do!!

They nearly always have a friend who's just been prescribed specs and they desperately want some too and are very disappointed to be told they have perfect vision

TrinityCalling, you're so right my youngest cried when her brother got some and she didn't!!! Everytime she goes for a check up she is willing to need some :-)

Dd is 4 and has glasses since March. She also has to wear a patch over one eye. She is just not fussed, loves her glasses and everyone thinks her patches are cool (theyre all glittery!) .We only took her to get her eyes tested because we were told because we have bad eyesight its hereditary. At least we knew to get her tested because of this, her eyes have improved loads since she got her glasses and I worry about what she would have missed out on if we hadnt got her tested. Think of it in a positive way, how many kids are struggling because they cant see properly and they havent been tested.

Does she like peppa pig? (probably a stupid question, I don't know a 3 year old that doesn't!).

There's a great episode where peppa goes to the optician (pedro pony's dad I think), finds out she doesn't need glasses and is really upset - she gets some great sunglass frames instead.

Worth a watch, then decide whether you are projecting your own issues (understandably), rather than seeing (ahem) what's in front of you - she's got great glasses and all her friends will be wanting to try them on!

There was the strangest pattern recently in DS's class - lots of us mums commented that our DC came home and seemed to try to pretend that they couldn't see properly - it was really odd!

Of course - someone had brought in sparkly new glasses! The other pupils were soooooo jealous!