2yr old discipline issues

[MeelooMouloo]

DD is 2 yrs 6 mths, very articulate & intelligent, can easily have a reasoned discussion with her. She is well socialised and popular with both staff & children at her nursery.
I believe in positive discipline, within reason I try to ignore the bad stuff & only shout if it's something really significant & potentially dangerous. DH however, more old school, more inclined to smack first which we have had long discussions about. He shouts all the time, mealtimes have become a battle ground when he is at home.
When I have talked to him about this he calls my ideas "hippy bullshit". As you can imagine it's a constant cause of conflict.

His most recent issue is that DD will come to me for comforting after he has chastised her & will get a hug. I will reinforce what he has said but am happy to give her cuddles whilst I'm doing so. He is very angry about this & feels it undermines him. He will now shout that I am NOT to give her any hugs after he has told her off, to the point where he will make her sit on the sofa & not move until he feels a sufficient amount of time has passed.

I am really not happy with this & have refused to do this. So where do we go from here? Have been arguing about it now for weeks & cannot some to an acceptable compromise. Any thoughts/ideas?

hmm... thats a tough one. this is my opinion and i'm not an expert by any means, but i agree with both of you. In fact my DH and I had a very similar scenario when DD was much younger. she is 8 now and life is getting easier!

openly disagreeing with DH like that not only undermines IMHO, but may well also result in DD feeling less secure rather than more.

Best case scenario is to discuss this in private and never ever disagree in front of her - of course in practice it takes a lot of practice, my DH and I struggle with this very much!

however I do agree in your method, of positive reinforcement rather than smacking.

theres a book called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" which DH and I found really helpful - i highly recommend it. it has real practical examples of how to keep disagreements with young children from spiralling out of control.

we found when we both applied it, our arguments about discipline were no longer relevant, we followed the books advice and almost magically we found our DH more responsive - carefully worded talking on our part made all the difference.

on a positive note, its fab to see that DH is getting involved in the discipline!! most families tend to have the mums doing all of that and the DHs turning up for only the fun stuff!!

ooff! sorry so longwinded! pls get book - you wont regret it.
x

Try not to contradict him in front of the kids but I think he forgets that she is still a toddler and although mentally quite capable, emotionally she is still baby. Expects her to make reasoned choices etc.

As for him being involved, he isn't. He only disciplines. That's it. Not because he feels its best for her development but because he finds her annoying. Whole other issue surrounding his total apathy towards the kids.