Hand washing

[PepperPot3]

Just wondering if anyone had any advice as I really dont know what to do.
My nine year old son washes his hands always before playing with his toys, playstation etc.
If we go out he plays his gameboy, but then will not continue playing it once we get back in the car even if he hasn't touched anything.
He even makes his friends wash thier hands when they come to play, and several of his friends have made comments to their parents. He even has to dry them on his special towel.
Now his hands are getting very dry and cracked - it looks like he has excema - they are even bleeding slightly.
He is a lovely boy who is doing well at school. Do I take him to the doctors - will they send him to a psychologist? I want to help him and I dont want this behaviour to rule his life. Any comments appreciated

what does he say when you ask him why he does it or don't you address the issue?

Sounds like there are some OCD tendencies here.
OCD stands for obsessive compulsive disorder but don't be repelled. It's surprisingly common. The 'disorder' bit only really comes in when it is disrupting the person's life and causing distress to them.
In many ways his behaviour is completely rational - hygiene is important! OTOH there is the danger of a slippry slope whre more and more things are seen as unhygienic.
This is tricky for me as I had this as a teenager and my parents reacted horrendously with forced psychologists' appointments, screaming and shouting, calling me crazy, threatening to get me sectioned (for OCD?!?) etc. etc. I'm sure you don't and won't react like that but you do need to be careful how you play it. I would advise an assessment by a psychologist in his case - accompanied by reinforcement of all the positive things about him, and without making him feel 'weird' if at all possible. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is what would prob be best if therapy is considered necessary.
My OCD resolved almost completely without therapy btw. I think this is because it was a reaction to my life situation at the time. Might there be anything in your boy's life which might be causing him difficulties/an increased need for some kind of safety, control, structure?

p.s. my 'thing' was hand washing too.

We have tried to tell him that he doesn't need to wash so often and ask him why he feels he should - he just says that he doesn't like germs and he wants his things to be clean.
I dont believe there is anything in his life that would cause him concern. He is active, intelligent and has many friends. He has always been frightened of being on his own and doesn't like going up or down stairs by himself - but this is gradually improving.
I dont want to start the doctors route unless it is absolutely necessary as I dont want to cause him any worries.

What about explaining to him the need for germs to build a healthy immune system? maybe once he understands about how many it will actually take to make you ill, and when it is appropriate to wash your hands, he will calm down a bit.

again, in many ways his behaviour is entirely rational and it's his right to want clean things! I know I still have traits very like what you describe and I'm absolutely 'normal' and fully functioning.
As I said, the 'disorder' bit comes in when quality of life is impacted on. If this doesn't seem to be the case, put him some hand cream in the bathroom and keep a subtle eye on him. If he starts seeming distressed or spending a longer and longer time in the bathroom, I would go to the dr. CBT, done well, is a good and empowering thing, and nothing to cause worries or be ashamed of. (I've never had any, but dh is a psychologist).
Feel free to CAT me if you ever want to talk more off this thread.

p.s. the worst thing to do right now would be to check/time his hand washing/put him under pressure to do it less. Colditz' point would be a v good one to make though.

Hi, I meant to reply to this the other day and I forgot.

My Dd2 is nearly 5 and has the same problem as your Ds. Since she was about 3/4 she started to have episodes where she would be washing her hands alot, these would continue for a day or two and then she would seem to forget about it and stop.

As she got older the gap between these episodes has got shorter and the length of them longer.
I took her to our g.p in the end as she had got cracked sore hands and was becoming emtionally distressed at the thought of having germs on her hands or others having germs on their hands. One night she wouldn't even let me tuck her into bed because she said I had dirty hands and she went mad when I touched her quilt.

The g.p reffered her to a clinical psychologist. TBH the appointment wasn't really what I'd hoped, as the psych seemed to almost blame for not doing more to stop dd when it first started.
She told dd that she was now only allowed to wash her hands after using the toilet and only once. She said I had to be very strict about this and physically restrain dd if she tried to wash them when she shouldn't.

Thankfully I have only had to physically restrain her twice since her appointment (which was about 3 mths ago). She seemd to accept someone else telling her that there was no need to keep washing her hands better than me telling her.

Dd is alot better than she was but the problem does still keep coming back. Only last night I overheard her telling dd1 to go and wash her hands. Dd2 would not let her touch one of her toys as she said dd1 had dirty hands because they don't have soap in the junior toilets (they do).
Also dd has twice recently got up in the night complaining that her hands are dirty and saying that she forgot to wash them. I don't let her re wash them although this does upset her.

Dd has a follow up appointment next month but tbh I don't think they will suggest anything else at all as they don't seem to be that bothered by it.

I think I would go and see your g.p about it as you sound like you need help in knowing how to deal with it as I did. I was never sure wether to let her wash them or not.

Other than that I would just say that at the moment not to make a big thing about it. Try and discourage it but if he gets upset, let him carry on until you have seen a professional and got proper advice.

Good luck