4 yr old threats!

[sphil]

There have been some really interesting posts recently about argumentative 4 yr olds, which I've read avidly. Hope no-one minds me starting a new thread about an offshoot of the same topic.
My 4 yr old is going through a contrary phase - everything we suggest he doesn't want to do. I don't get into arguments with him, use a calm voice, give him a choice and consequences - all the things suggested in other threads. His reaction is not to have a tantrum - he very rarely does - but to calmly say something like
'If you make me go shopping I'll squirt you in the face with a water pistol.' I don't find this too hard to take, but recently it's escalated to him saying things like 'If you make me....I'll kill you and chop you up'.
How should I react? He's so matter of fact about it!

My kids do this, am not sure myself what to do about it! You could say

"Is that really what you want to do?"

ok, i know im boring but im going to repeat what i have said on previous threads - naughty chair! i really dont like threats like these and i dont want my kids to think its ok to use them so thats how i deal with it. it is perfectly normal tho - mine threaten to scratch the car, my friends little boy used to threaten to put spiders on her. i think they use whatever they wouldnt like to happen to them. if you dont like the naughty chair idea you could always laugh at him so he sees how silly he is being or tell him to go ahead and do what he is threatening. where would he get his tea from if he had chopped you up? that often makes them realise its not clever

I would be matter of fact and make it very clear this is not acceptable. You seem to be able to speak to him calmly so just continue this. He might speak like this to his friends at nursery who might take it more to heart.

As giggling goblin you can also explain how silly it is to say these things, I am not sure about laughing about it, might make it a joke and funny for him to say it.

You could what until a time where you can have a calm conversation about it and talk about how it is not nice and might upset people to be threatened like this, the how would you feel kind of thing. Your right to want to tackle this now, its already gone from water pistols to chopping up.

I would give these comments as little attention as possible - sounds as though he is trying to get a reaction from you. Say something like "Oh, right" and then change the subject. I think if you make any fuss about it he will just be encouraged to continue.

i would totally ignore it. just pretend he didn't even say it
if he gets no reaction he will sto pdoing it

My 4 year-old says things like "I'll shoot you". I just ignore it. Completely ignore it and just hope it will go away. One thing I am certain of is that if I make a big thing of it, it will be the most exciting thing and I will hear it all the time. He picks it up in nursery and has no idea what it means. My DD went through a charming phase of saying she hated me and trying out swear words. We always ignored it and it went away quite quickly whn it didn't have the desired effect. I once told her I could swear better than any child in her school and demonstrated it too and she sort of gave up after that.....

no, no, not laugh about it. laugh at him in a 'gosh youre really silly and im not taking you seriously' kind of way

Still not sure if i would laugh about but agree on the other hand you don't want to appear shocked. Its definatly to get a reaction either way.

Does he only ay it to you? I always think that if my children only say it to me, then they know it's not on and are just trying it on their mum which to me is okey really. If they were saying it to other people , it would be another matter.

Thanks for all your advice - I'll try it all(not all at once!) It's the fact that he might say things like that to his friends (he's in Reception)that worries me - he doesn't always realise the effect of what he says on other people. I think if I was sure he was only saying it to me I would just ignore it completely, but i want him to know that comments like that could upset some people.

sphil - he's gotten it from his friends!!! My DS is also in Reception and has started the same thing.

He knows just how to get me - he threatens me with no cuddles!