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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

when will she be happy again? No more bottles

73 replies

BeeMyBaby · 21/06/2011 06:55

On Sunday we decided to take away DD's (16months) bottles as she can drink water fine from a sippy cup or straw and was just refusing to drink milk from them. We are now on day 3 of miserable baby at milk times and she is taking in about 100ml of milk a day instead of about 500ml - she does seem to be replacing the calories with food though. For those who took the tough approach (after I had been too lenient) when did your child cheer up and drink their milk without screaming in horror at the sight of no bottle? She even tried to wrestle her cousin for her transition bottle yesterday (which incidentally I had previously tried with her and she refused).

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

littleweed10 · 21/06/2011 20:34

hi
we went through just the same thing, it was tortuous, I feel for you.
our slight break through came when I realised he was very keen on the very design of an Avent bottle - so strong was the association.
So I went down to sainsburys and bought one of their blue bottles with handles and a blue soft spout - so it was bottle-like, but not quite like (if that makes sense). we transitioned to that, which did help a bit. It broke the strong lurve with the Avent bottle!
My other break through was using exactly the same sippy cup he used at nursery, for any milk. And, in the end, all of a sudden he didn't seem to mind.

But I strongly believe that if you feel its not right at the moment, your instinct is right, you are not copping out, or child get one up on you (we did just that a few times!).

Original poster

BeeMyBaby · 22/06/2011 06:46

We are using various nuby cups with straws - last night was much better, she drank little bits of milk from her sippy cup (slowly throughout the evening rather than downing it like she did with a bottle) and seemed quite content as I let her stay up slightly later than normal for extra cuddles. I tried introducing a new toy but she didn't pay it any attention and DH got very angry at me for 'spoiling' her, so it was quickly removed again. Nevermind. Hopefully every day will be that little bit better for her.

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/06/2011 07:21

Your DH got very angry at you for giving her a little toy and you took it away? That seems extreme. I bought dd a bear yesterday and DH rolled his eyes and put the kettle on. I'd be having words if he got very angry.

Whose idea was it to ditch the bottles just out of interest?

MmeLindor. · 22/06/2011 08:20

Unless you are buying her new toys on a daily basis, I would say your DHs reaction was ott.

She is just a baby, you are not spoiling her by giving her a new toy.

Am bit concerned that he would be so angry that you had to take the toy away from your dd to appease him.

Buda · 22/06/2011 09:23

Am feeling a little bit sorry for your baby. And she is still a baby.

belgo · 22/06/2011 09:27

16 months is still very small, and if she needs her bottle, let her have it.

Don't worry about losing credibility - you need to show her that she has a loving mother who is responding to her needs.

It's very sad that your dh took her new toy away.

ItDoesntBodenWell · 22/06/2011 12:21

Me too Buda :(

Chandon · 22/06/2011 12:35

I just gave my DC about 1 big bottle of cow's full fat milk at that age, and for the rest they'd eat normal food, drink water from a cup (or sometimes juice).

As it was only one bottle a day, it wasn't a big deal and don't even remember when we got rid of it!

My DC never had those sort of bottles as "comfort" though, just because it never occurred to me IYSWIM

how often does she have a bottle? Should only be about once a day, right? So not a big deal?

MamaLaMoo · 22/06/2011 12:57

My DD was bf for 2 years so never had a bottle but started having warm milk drinks from a "sucky cup" when she was a year old, Nuby silicon topped cups. They are not quite a bottle, have handles, brightly coloured etc but have a valved silicon soft spout at the top. There is a whole range which gradually replaces the more teat like tops with other shaped spouts.

She is now 2.5 and still requests a sucky cup especially when she is feeling tired or poorly but will also drink happily from a normal cup or straw. Sucking is a really strong comforting reflex in LOs, maybe get a transition cup with a soft spout and valve like the Nuby ones, there are other brands that do them too. Dentist reports her teeth are fine but then she only used the cup 2 or 3 times a day and we didn't leave her sucking on it when empty.

You are right that she may find it hard when she sees new baby with bottles if she hasn't either given them up or got a transition cup replacement. Using bottle teats too long can cause misaligned teeth, go for a halfway compromise and give her a soft spout IMO.

bluesatinsash · 22/06/2011 13:06

My (ahem) just turned 5 year old DS1 still has 2oz semi skimmed in a bottle with a teat at bedtime while I read his book. He doesn't suck his thumb and never had a dummy but it gives him pleasure and will give it up when he wants to.

My 18 month DS2 still has 6oz bottle first and last thing and not planning on giving it up any time soon. It's not just the bottle its the snuggles you get while whey lie in your nook and drink it

All other drinks taken through sippy cups or in DS1 case open cups.

And teeth are just fine .

Original poster

BeeMyBaby · 22/06/2011 14:41

just wrote a message then it said I wasn't logged in - grr!

Yes she has a nuby cup already (or a few), DH just doesn't want her to be spoiled, I get it, my siblings (and myself) were spoilt as children and it continues to show, I guess he just doesn't want the same for DD so took it away.

It was a collective decision to take away her bottles between my mother, myself and DH.

She was drinking substantially more than a bottle a day, and seems to have replaced the calories with actual food.

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/06/2011 14:57

Well, what can I say, your child. But please tell your DH that you cannot spoil a 16 month old. She's still a baby. And taking anything away from someone once you've given it is a horrible thing to do. I wouldn't do that to DH never mind DD.

MmeLindor. · 22/06/2011 16:47

I agree with gwen.

Spoiling a child does not start with denying a 16 mnths baby milk Ina bottle.

You (or rather your dh) has issues with your childhood but please do not transfer these issues on to your child.

You need to be flexible. Sometimes you even have to let your DD "win" the argument. She needs to learn that it is ok to back down occasionally. That sometimes giving in is a sign of strength, not of weakness.

mrsravelstein · 22/06/2011 17:19

That sometimes giving in is a sign of strength, not of weakness

3 cheers for MmeLindor (and not just because i think of you every time i use my big curls hairdryer thing) - you are absolutely right.

colditz · 22/06/2011 17:28

Just give it back.

colditz · 22/06/2011 17:33

And give her the fucking toy back, she's a very small child, still a baby, and your so called husband sounds like a complete control freak.

MmeLindor. · 22/06/2011 19:15

Colditz always says what I mean in a much more direct manner.

hazeyjane · 22/06/2011 20:22

In order for the the teeth to be misaligned from drinking from a bottle, a baby would have to be drinking from a bottle an awful lot.

It seems a bit rigid to say that you, your dh and your mother decided that the time was right, so they must go, if it doesn't seem to be working, i'd just try again in a few months or so.

When it comes to transitions (like taking away dummies, bottles, potty training etc ), I've always thought it is better to be fluid, rather than force the issue.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/06/2011 20:38

I was going to give Colditz a round of applause too :o

Buda · 22/06/2011 21:52

The thing is you,your DH and you mother may decide various things for your children based on rationale and logic but your babies haven't got that rationale and logic. So far all your DD knows is that she loves her bottle but now she can't have it anymore and then you gave her a new toy and then you took it away. You are about to have another child. You want you DD to feel as loved and secure as possible. I don't think you are going the right way about it.

I was worried about DS's teeth too so used the green rigid Avent teat things instead of the soft ones. I seem to remember that they are better for teeth.

Your DH sounds a bit controlling about the toy and not wanting her to be spoilt. Your mother shouldn't actually get a vote on this. It's between you and your DH.

If you are aware that you were spoilt you can manage that your way. From my point of view giving babies toys is not spoiling. You can't really spoil a baby that way. Spoiling a child is more about giving them a sense of entitlement and teaching them to be selfish.

My DS is an only child and is now almost 10. He has lots of toys. Always has had. I refuse not to buy him stuff just in case anyone thinks he is spoiled. I did almost fall into that but a friend pointed out that I was actually going the other way and that there should be bonuses to not having siblings. And I know full well that he would much prefer the sibling to anything we could buy him.

So if you saw the 'things' DS has you may well think him spoilt. But he us not spoiled as a person. He is a kind and compassionate and mature boy who is mostly aware how lucky he is.

You can give a child lots of material objects and not spoil them the same way as you can spoil a child who doesn't have many material things but is not taught compassion etc.

And I dont think your DD has been shown much compassion on the whole bottle and toy subject.

I also get the feeling you are not entirely happy with the way things are going.

4madboys · 23/06/2011 12:58

one of the reasons i havent forced the issue of potty training or tried to take away ds4's bedtime bottle is PRECISELY because he has a new sibling (now 6mths old) and he sees her having her milk so it would be mean to deny him his comfort!

i really think 16mths is too young and if she is upset like you say she is then she is showing you she is not ready to leave her comforts behind just yet.

if you are worried about her having milk rather than solids you can limit the AMOUNT of milk you give her, say some before nap and some before bed, the kind of times she i most likely to want her comfort?

Original poster

BeeMyBaby · 23/06/2011 14:27

Well on day 4 of no bottles (yesterday) she was much better and didn't get upset when I gave her the sippy cup in the evening so I think we are over the hump, and the answer to my original question is that it takes about 4 days.

4madboys she won't have a sibling for another 5 months, we know another baby would have made it much harder for her.

DH believes (and I think in retrospect I agree with him) that the more toys a child has the less interest the child has in each toy (obviously), eventually leading to a child who plays with things for 2 minutes then walks away. The spoiling issue is to do with the toy mmelindor, not with bottle usage.

OP posts:

Clare123 · 23/06/2011 15:05

I got rid of bottles for both my children around 18 months, (I must admit I can't stand to see pre school children with dummies and bottles - just my preference ;-)

Anyway, I got rid of them gradually - first in the day, then the morning and finally the evening bottle. I think they moaned for a couple of days but soon forgot.

seeker · 23/06/2011 15:10

Give her her bottle back. Outrageous to make a child unhappy for no good reason.

Grabaspoon · 23/06/2011 15:17

I get rid of bottles by a year - they are no longer babies and can by this point drink from a cup/beaker.

Don't worry if DD isn't drinking as much milk - just ensure she has plenty of calcium rich food -cheese/yoghurts in her diet and she'll be fine.

She'll soon start drinking milk again properly it's just a phase of something new.

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