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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

ds terrified of great gran

7 replies

polly28 · 07/10/2003 22:31

My ds13mos has been completely terrified of my dh's gran since he was old enough to show fear.He screams and cries at the sight of her.The poor little thing clings to me and practically draws blood so I know it's real fear and not a tantrum.We have tried introducing her in a different setting but there is no difference.Maybe he sees something we don't (horns coming out of her head)They say children are a lot more open to spirits ,I always thought that sort of thing was bo**S.Any ideas?

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sunchowder · 08/10/2003 02:22

Oh Polly28, children are very sensitive, that is for sure. I am not sure what to say about them being open to spirits, but who knows? I believe you will get some very good advice from others on this that will post later to share their experiences. I can only speak for my dd, when she was afraid of someone (which was seldom), I never pushed her to be with that person or allowed them to touch or hold her. I think most babies are very sensitive to tension and stress and even the pressure of someone looking directly into their eyes can start a fear reaction with someone they may have been comfortable with at first. Your son is feeling something from her for sure--is her hair dyed a very black color? Does she have very dark eyes? Is she very tense? I wasn't sure if you felt embarrassed about it for her or your husband. I am sure that they understand. Distracting him would be good and I am sure you have tried this. Hopefully he will grow out of it! Not much advice here, sorry!

monkey · 08/10/2003 05:36

I agree that the being open to spirits is a load of weird rubbish. otoh, maybe there just is something more down to earth that he doesn't feel comfrotable about. My ds behaved this way with my grandma. It was really embarrassing, and I felt sorry for her. We moved away when he was 16 months old, so he hardly sees her now, but the next time he saw her, maybe a few months later, he was absolutely fine with her, and always is now. Other ds has never been funny with her.

any suggestions? Well, don't force them to be together. My ds didn't want to be in the same room. It really got on my nerves when she'd then ask stuff/ make comments on him being really whingey/difficult/etc etc, becasue he was only like this with her, but of course, I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying this. If he wanted to stick by me then that was fine/ Moving away for a long period of time clearly helped!

btw, there's nothing unusual about her - she looks very much like my mum, who in turn looks very mush like me (God help us - is this what lies in store for me??)

katierocket · 08/10/2003 06:41

agree with monkey and sunchowder, my DS (2yr)is scared of his great grandad and I'm not surprised really - he's a lovely lovely man but looks a bit...well, old. He has arthritis so hands are all curls in and he's a bit doddery and I think DS is just confused and expresses it the only way he knows how - runs away!
I have to say that it has got a lot better, he used to cry and scream but now he just looks scared! I agree not to force the issue - it will change as your DS gets older I think.

aloha · 08/10/2003 09:09

I think babies are real body fascists - give them a pretty blonde teenager and they are thrilled, old crones just don't do it for them IMO. I think it might be an instinctive thing (?) - you know, be attracted to nice looking mummies. We had a new replacement cleaning lady when our regular one was on holiday, and she had grey hair up in a bun and wore sweeping black clothes. Ds wasn't frightened of her, but excitedly said, "Look Mama! Wicked witch!" which was v embarrassing at the time though funny in retrospect. We told the cleaning lady that he was saying that because she had a broom in hand, but I don't think she believed us...
Anyway, I agree, don't push it. Sad for your dh's gran, but babies can't help their feelings.

WSM · 08/10/2003 09:22

ROFL Aloha. Embarrasing but true.

Original poster

polly28 · 08/10/2003 10:55

Thanks for your comments,hopefully he will outgrow it.She is a wrinkly old bat but has seen plenty of old wrinkled people and been fine with them.The only difference is that she has an arikaans accent MY dh a bit embarassed about it but yesterday changed the xmas day plans so we won't be spending it with his family..shame

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Original poster

polly28 · 08/10/2003 10:56

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