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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

naughty or bored? had enough!!!

32 replies

brightstar1 · 18/11/2005 21:59

I've posted before about my ds2(6) yr 2.V. bright, being V.silly at school, mostly carpet time it seems. starting to be rude to the teacher now. Have seen the teacher today,because after a V.good spell has taken a back step again.she has to keep sending him out of the classroom.I've really had enough now and dont know what to do.please help!!!!!!!11

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koalabear · 18/11/2005 22:27

no idea, but bumping for you - hope you find an answer

Dodsey · 18/11/2005 22:37

Could you ask the teacher to set up a home/ school behaviour report chart for this. Each time he has a trouble free carpet time he gets a smiley face sticker or a marble in a jar.Then when there is trouble a marble is taken out or a red cross is put on his sticker chart. This can go home every night & when he has got the agreed number of stickers or a full marble jar, he gets a pre-agreed treat from you.
If he has some really unproductive days then you'll need to have some punishmentseg. no play station, no TV etc;

Original poster

brightstar1 · 18/11/2005 22:51

hi dodsey, ds has had loads of stickers & promise of treat if he's good for a week but doesn't seem to make any difference. have told him he wont be playing footie sunday(in a team), biggest punishment! Worst thing is he doesn't seem to realize what he is doing or be bothered by the consequences.

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collision · 18/11/2005 22:56

What does the teacher suggest that you do?

nooka · 18/11/2005 22:58

Hi brightstar my ds had big problems with carpet time, as he has problems with sitting still (as do many boys, I think). Is your ds a natural fidget? We were recommended to find something for ds to play with (small thing to go in his pocket) to help with this. He seems to have outgrown this particular issue at the moment, but the SENCO said that it helped lots of kids, so might be worth thinking about? I do think at this age they still don't really think about their behavior prior to acting, which can pose problems for the star chart approach at times.

Original poster

brightstar1 · 18/11/2005 23:13

collision,teacher is at a loss i think.tried stickers, keeping him busy, giving him more responsibility, ignoring small misbehaviour. nooka. yes he is a fidget! I think if he was given something to play with it would cause more of a distraction? what makes it more frustrating is that he is doing so well,and cant wait to get to school to show her what he has done at home,stories,research from the net, numeracy, he does so much to try and impress!

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starlover · 18/11/2005 23:14

maybe you could practice sitting still with him at home?
make it into a game? the first one to move/make a noise loses?

Original poster

brightstar1 · 18/11/2005 23:22

I dont think she has a problem with him fidgeting,more talking and doing silly things. Also he is now becoming the class scapegoat(children telling on him because they know he will get in trouble). I'm scared people will start disliking him because of this,he is such a loving and friendly boy.

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nooka · 18/11/2005 23:36

Can you ask for SENCO help? Ours wasn't that great, but as a result of her intervention we did get some very useful advice from a variety of professionals which did help. My ds seems to have grown out of (most) of his issues, although I am told he is still terrible at dinner time (although as they have swively seats what do they expect!)

Original poster

brightstar1 · 18/11/2005 23:40

will have to try nooka, been in tears tonight,hate the thought of him having the naughty label.

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nooka · 18/11/2005 23:44

Good luck brightstar. He may well grow out of it again, so try not to get too stressed! I am sure there is some reason for his behaviour, it's just figuring it out... (for example my ds's issues were amazingly helped when we discovered he had poor eyesight and got him some glasses).

ScummyMummy · 18/11/2005 23:46

Can he sit at the front next to less distractible kids? I do think this is v common, btw. One of mine is intent on being class clown at the moment- eg spending much time perfecting silly faces and keywords such as "pigeon", designed specifically to make his equally silly little peers collapse with laughter- and is getting into minor scrapes on a regular basis as a result. He's 6 too. I'm not profoundly pleased with this phenomenon and have had stern words but have to say it seems pretty minor in the misdemenour stakes to me. Is there any reason you're so particularly worried by this?

Original poster

brightstar1 · 19/11/2005 09:15

no-one wants a naughty child do they? Ithink what upsets me is that he doesn't seem to think their is anything wrong with his behaviour.Being rude to the teacher is even worse! I'm also worried that going into yr3 like this will make matters worse,because he will end up in the Heads office every 5 mins! Quite strict in the juniors. At home he is the better behaved, maybe because i see the signs and can diffuse,but he needs to learn how to do that himself i guess as the teachers dont have the time.

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bambi06 · 19/11/2005 09:25

our senco suggested those link toys that can move around in your hand and you can fiddle with them ..they are multi coloured and with lots of links made of plastic which are joined together and move around ..i dont know whether you understand what i mean but hey use thema lot for children and they have the small ones to fiddle with in their pockets..its also a destresser .hope htis helps , if not maybe she can ask your son to help her when on carpet time to help him keep busy

Original poster

brightstar1 · 19/11/2005 09:34

bambi06, thanks, has your child used the links? sounds like a good idea, just asked ds where he sits at carpet time,said next to a boy that gets into trouble a lot aswell about in the middle! she did tell me she was going to put him at the front (about 2 wks ago).

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roisin · 19/11/2005 09:44

Have you made an appointment and had a good chat with the teacher about this? Or is it just from rushed comments at the school gate?

Carpet time can be very difficult for teachers and pupils, in particular the bottom 10% and top 10% of ability, as the main discussion will not be focused towards their needs.

DS1 is v bright, but in a Hermione Grainger type way. He always wants everyone to know that he knows, and always has his hand up for every question, and is 100% focused and concentrating on every lesson.

Ds2 (yr2) is equally able (on paper more so), but doesn't feel the need to make sure everyone else knows. So he often messes around at carpet time, always fidgets, and sometimes distracts other children and plays class clown. His reception teacher and yr2 teacher this year are very laidback about it, have recognised that he is still listening, and take what steps they can to minimise distraction to other children, and obviously taking steps on any naughty behaviour. They also from time to time allow/allowed him to work on individual projects rather than participating in carpet time when they know he would be completely unchallenged.

Last year his teacher (younger and less experienced) was a bit hung up about it all (and also about neat handwriting ). But the approach she took did not seem to change ds2's behaviour or attitude particularly. (and his new yr2 teacher now has told him to completely forget the two targets she gave him for yr2 - practise using our handwriting style and write more neatly when recording work - and concentrate instead on writing more and faster )

roisin · 19/11/2005 09:45

Sorry, that was a bit long.

Original poster

brightstar1 · 19/11/2005 09:55

Yes it is comments at the gate. Strange you said about the age of the taecher(i was trying to avoid that) she is only just 22,so i guess virtually no experience.his last teachers have been older, have they dealt with his behavior better or has he got worse? i dont know. I was thinking of going to ask his previous teacher what she thinks as she is in the other yr2 class and takes ds for numeracy.

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roisin · 19/11/2005 10:00

I would definitely make an appointment to go and see his current teacher and chat about it. If nothing else this puts across the impression that you are bothered about his behaviour, you are interested, and you do agree that rudeness is unacceptable, and you want to work together with her to try and improve the situation.

Yr2 can be pretty hellish for very able children, as everything tends to be focused towards the narrow requirements of SATs. But IME it does get a LOT better in yr3 ... so hang on in there!

Elibean · 19/11/2005 10:25

I have no experience (dd not at school yet) but do remember seeing a program about extra-bright kids, and how their behaviour is often misinterpreted at school. Your post rang bells....wish I had a link for you, but maybe if you Googled for info on gifted/bright kids? If that is the issue for DS, the sooner its recognized the better for all, especially him! Also think talking to teacher is a good idea. Good luck, he sounds like a great kid.

Original poster

brightstar1 · 19/11/2005 10:43

thanks all. will go and see ds teacher, and try to get some answers before it gets any worse. will let you know what the outcome is.

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mjp185 · 19/11/2005 16:15

Hi brightstar. I am so sorry to here you are going thru this but I am going thru exactly the same right now!
Ds1 is six, eldest in Yr1 class. We have had recent calls to the school because of DS's 'sillyness' and inability to focus, He is also being told off for the smallest things and being made a scapegoat also. It is hell and I have cried and lost sleep for weeks now.

Teacher is female and very young 23ish, we have a good boy diary ( I'd call it being put on report!)which seems to be working.#

DS1 is a very loving and caring boy and not a 'naughty child' but no angel either and I too fear that he will grow into his namesake as a 'disruptive child'.

He fidgets on the carpet too and we were told he was always fiddling with something (don't most children?) and that he wasn't listening. I politley said that when I was reading I frequently fiddled with rubber bands/blutack etc and I ended with 2 diplomas and a succesful career!!! Just because he fiddled doesn't mean he wasn't listening, school seemed to have real issue with this.

I think DS1 is bored and not enough play based/construction/thinking activities!

YOUR SON IS FINE AND NORMAL![GRIN]

Dodsey · 19/11/2005 19:58

Yes fiddling with a little toy does help,we use it in our school for some children. Another thing that sometimes helps is letting the child in question sit in a seat at the side of the group.

Of course all these things will make your child different from the others but children accept things being different very quickly & the fuss dies down.

tegan · 19/11/2005 20:29

We had parents evening last week and couldn't believe what we were told. DD1 7 yrs YR3 doesn't read well, can't concentrate, doesn't finish work, is extremely messy at writting and is very rude. Obviously we went mental to say the least. but from speaking to other parents they were all told the same thing. I went to see her teacher again and was told that all the kids needed a short sharp shock so they all had the same report to shake the parents up. I was disgusted but dd1 is now at a reading age of 10 and her writting is better than mine. What can i say.

roisin · 20/11/2005 08:36

Are you serious Tegan? That's outrageous

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