Would you allow your 11 year old daughter to shave her legs (or any other hair removal system?)?

[Wills]

My 11 year old daughter has very dark hairs on her arms and legs. Whilst I knew that eventually this would cause her issue I never in a million years thought it would happen before she'd even left Junior school. She wont wear shorts and religiously dresses in long trousers EVERY day and today I finally got her to admit why. It appears that the darkness of her leg hairs is causing other children to laugh at her. She burst into tears and begged me to let her shave her legs. I'm really horrified and don't know what to do. I'm really not happy with her shaving her legs or any other type of hair removal because I think this will only make the situation worse, equally however I think that her not being happy to wear shorts for the next 7 years is acceptable either. Have you had this issue and if so what did you do? For the record I don't really suffer from dark hair on my legs - but my husband is rather ermmmm hairy and very olive skinned as is she (leading to an amazing tan which she will no doubt love later on in life!).

I suffered exactly the same when I was her age, its horrid. My mum was very strict and wouldnt let me shave (did though using dad's razor)! When I was 18 I saved up for months to get my legs waxed, over 30 years ago, it was so worth it (cost a fortune then or so it seemed) and Ive never looked back. Now have about 6 hairs that grow on my legs.

So after my waffle, could you perhaps start off with a wax and then as she gets more confident she could do it herself using the waxing strips from Boots or wherever?

The other thing is these new things you can buy, I think its an IPL or something that kills the hair in the follicle and over time thins it to such an extent where it doesnt grow anymore, I think they are quite expensive though.

Wouldnt recommend doing the arms though, I lived in the Middle East for years and the girls out there waxed everything for their weddings, the grow back was very obvious and seemed darker for some reason.

Hope this helps and I so feel for her.

Thank you all soooo much. Have just chatted to dd1 and she grinned from ear to ear - the relief was palpable.

If its not too late - Don't shave, WAX.
I am really dark haired and started shaving my legs aged 12 and its something that once started you can't stop. I don't regret for a second that i started as i was being bullied about it. But if i had had the option i should have waxed. It weakens the hairs and they come back in less thick.
You can take her to a professional and get her legs done - it will hurt less than trying to do it at home.

Hi there

My dd is 12, and very dark haired - shes been waxing for about 6 months now. She is really aware of having a 'moustache'. Its really not that bad, but it bothers her a lot. Anyone any advice as to what to do? Can she wax it? Thanks,

Liz - wax it! I used to bleach but developed a reaction (hair and a rash!!) - waxing has made it so much easier

I bleached my tash from about aged 12. It's less painful than waxing. I also bleached my arm hairs (still do). Def agree that waxing would be better for legs than shaving, but it is expensive unless you do it yourselves.

yes let her - what difference does 11/12 or 13 make?

yes. I shaved my legs when I was at junior school. Mum bought me an electric razor.

I started getting them waxed at 15.

Another voice in the YES please let her do this column, and give her your blessing as she embarks on growing up. Show her how to use a razor if you're worried about her cutting herself.

I recommend the book 'Teenage Beauty' by Bobbi Brown as a nice way to tell your DD you support her as she begins her wobbly steps towards womanhood. It's far better than magazines and media for messages about appearance.

Another one to let her daughter start hair removing quite early - but she was terribly embarassed by being hairy at primary school .. now at the ripe old age of 14 she's actually less stressed, although still shaves for shorts/skirts etc, but as more of her friends started to be the same the harrassment did drop considerably...

I think it's actually more important if they are self-conscious about it young. My eldest was the same and shaved from about 11. She's far less bothered by it now (15) as all her friends are the same and are far more likely just to say haven't had time to shave/wax.

I would say no. Cant really articulate why but it seems sad that she is having to bow to society's rigid perception of beauty so young.

Post this question in the feminist section, they will be able to articulate this much better than I can! :)

Whatever you do don't post in the feminist section! Your DD was relieved and happy-that is all that matters!
People always seem to think DDs will always do exactly as mother says! Has it not occurred to you that your DD would do it anyway SkaterGrrrl-and not very well? My mother said no too-I just went ahead and didn't tell her.

LizinFrance, have you considered laser hair removal. If she is dark haired her moustache is always going to be an issue. You can wax it but then you need to let it grow back in enough before re-doing which is a pain.

11 seems the right age. I started shaving my legs and underarms when I was 11. My friend showed me how to do it. My mum found out a bit later but she was fine about it. Hope your dd feels better. :)

I attacked my underarm hair with a pair of embroidery scissors at about 12 after being teased at school. It hurt (and didn't get much of it off either). I wish my mum had shown me how to do it sooner (and I was too embarassed to ask her despite being happy to ask her all sorts of personal questions in general).

We've had this discussion in the Feminist section before, and quite a lot of us thought it was fine, in fact important, for a teenager to be able to shave/wax if she feels that way about the hair.

I agree with whoever posted saying it is actually harder for young teenagers than adults ... especially if you have hair when others don't yet, it is potentially just as embarrassing as early periods/early big boobs. That's not imo to do with girls feeling they have to bow to some cultural ideal of femininity; it can be to do with not feeling very confident about this whole puberty lark, too!

(Ime. Which is of course limited. God forbid I mislead you - I have no kids!)

Cross-post: Angel, I tried my dad's blunt disposable razors (ewww! But I didn't know any better) and, erm, plucking it out with tweezers, both leg and armpit hair. What was I thinking?!

Much better if my mum had accepted I wanted to shave.

I am a feminist and familiar with the argument against going along with society's norms and strictures about female appearance, but I think it's unfair to have your DD fight the good fight for you at 11. Make your own statements about body hair if you so wish, but don't drag your DD into it unless she enlists voluntarily. It's important to feel comfortable in your own skin when you're 11.

My mum somehow managed to never have anything to shave, ever, and was useless when it came to questions like this. Same with pimples -- 'Oh I never had pimples' (= 'deal with it yourself, MA') and it came between us to some extent. I considered her judgement a bit unreliable when it came to many things feminine.

I shaved my legs at about 11 (21 years ago)due to being hairy and wished that my mum would of taken me to be waxed especially my moustache and caterpillar eyebows, as at 11 even they were very prominant and it took a couple of years of teasing that i finally got them under control.