Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Toddler Taming

20 replies

Jenie · 07/10/2003 13:28

I've just been advised after my ds had his 18month review to get this book and to start dealing with his behavioural problems .

Can anyone tell me if it's any good? I'd appreciate it if anyone could tell me that they've used it for behavioural problems and it's worked for them.

OP posts:

Zerub · 07/10/2003 13:32

Its ok! Like all the books, it has good ideas and then other bits that you need to take with a pinch of salt. Your library will probably have a copy or two.

CountessDracula · 07/10/2003 13:35

Jenie I have it but have not really put into practice as DD only 13 months (though am about to start as she has just started having tantrums).

There is some iffy stuff in it, like they say you should drug your kids if you want a good night's sleep (?!) but lots of it is pretty practical advice.

M2T · 07/10/2003 13:38

My ds is 2.3 yrs old and I have this book. I have read a few bits and think it's hilarious!
It really makes you look at toddlers a different way.

I have taken a few useful pointers from it but I too was shocked at the advice to drug the child to aid with controlled crying!!?! I mean EH?

But..... an attractive prospect for me as my ds still doesn't sleep! Throw me over some Vallergan purlease?

Gumdrop · 07/10/2003 13:39

I used it with DD and found it very useful. It gives pointers as to how your behaviour can influence your children - although not in a "its all your fault because you're pants at being a parent" way. I also found it useful to be able to have a structure I could agree with DH in terms of managing behaviour. I agree some things I'd take with a pinch of salt - but I do now get regularl comments in resatuarants to the effect that DD's are very well behaved, somehting I would have thought wholly impossible.

Original poster

Jenie · 07/10/2003 13:45

Zerub - the library does have 2 copies but they have a waiting list and it could be ages until I could get it that way so I think I may just order it off of amazon or some where like that, atleast I can buy it second hand and not have to spend £15.99.

Thank you all I will give it a try.

OP posts:

Twink · 07/10/2003 15:15

I think it's great, used it a lot but dd is 4 now and past toddler stage (allegedly).

If you want to have my copy you're welcome to it for cost of P&P. Use the contact another talker link at the top of the page if you do.

Moomin · 07/10/2003 15:36

I thought it was quite good. It repeats itself a lot but has some valuable things to bear in mind throughout all the "traumas" that occur everyday with a headstrong toddler. The best piece of advice is that, at 18 months/2 years old, toddlers literally have no sense and so don't beat yourself up thinking they should be more sensible! The stategies he advises to help you cope are sometimes quite opinionated but overall I thought it was sound advice. It certainly made me think about "bad behaviour" from dd's point of view and that a lot of it was frustration / confusion.
Another one I liked was "The best friend's guide to toddlers" by Vicki Iovine. She's not everyone's cup of tea but she makes me laugh and writes purely from a mother's point of view.
Second hand at Amazon is a great idea, by the way.

Chinchilla · 07/10/2003 18:30

I would just add that I wasn't over-impressed with the idea to tie the door almost closed, so that your toddler couldn't get out at night!

beetroot · 07/10/2003 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jasper · 07/10/2003 23:56

This book is the reason I found mumsnet.
I read it, thought it was so good I did a search for the author which led me to mumsnet.
But it is like any other book. You will think it is great if like me you agree with his basic approach/view of children.
Some people on the other hand think he is the devil incarnate .
He is somewhat less PC in his approach than many modern authors.(which I like)
I think you have got the message I loved it and would highly recommend it.

tomps · 08/10/2003 00:28

Just finished "how not to be a prefect mother" by Libby Purves and recommend that over toddler taming - much more practical, down to earth advice and the best actual dealing with tantrums tips I've found anywhere outside of mumsnet! Also excellent is the Social Toddler for reminidng you s/he's only little and doesn't really mean it ! HTH

cathncait · 08/10/2003 07:29

Hi Jenie
I just recently purchased this book on ebay (in Aust) for only $4. bit of a bargain! Haven't finished yet but already its helped put tantrums and the like into a bit more persepective. I would recommend it. (Ghosty recommended to me - so good old Mumsnet again!)(thanks Ghosty)!

Ghosty · 09/10/2003 00:39

Ah gee, shucks, cathncait!!
Another good book ... but don't think you can get in the UK is "Of Course I love you, Now Go to your Room" by Diane Levy. I have used both that and Toddler Taming to tackle some of DS's little 'quirks' .... and have found them both very useful.
I didn't get upset by the drugging child advice or the Christopher Green Rope Trick ... took what I needed and used it. I don't believe he does say 'Drug your child to get a good night's sleep' - I am pretty sure he advises that as a last resort when all other avenues have been exhausted ....

Zerub · 09/10/2003 08:31

So what are Libby Purves tantrum tips then? Could always use some more!

littlerach · 09/10/2003 12:33

I found it quite different to other books, with some interesting ideas, but also some weird ideas. I managed to pick up a copy in a charity shop for one pound. I think you can get it cheap on Amazon sometimes.

Blackduck · 10/10/2003 10:05

I am nowhere near this stage (my ds is only 5 months...) but I found your statement that you were told to 'start dealing with his behavioural problems' disturbing. Do YOU think he has problems? Or was he just throwing a mega because of the situation? You live with him on a day-to-day basis, they see him once in a blue moon....I'm sure there are times when we all need help - one of my collegues highly recommends this book because he says it helps you see it from the childs point of view. Not sure what I am trying to say here, except I think first you need to work out if there is anything to address first.

katierocket · 10/10/2003 10:09

I liked it - I think he talks a lot of down to earth common sense. like all books you won't agree with everything but there is some useful stuff - I particularly like the bit about how "some children are naturally more wakeful and prone to getting up early" (see previous 5am thread ) also agree with the recommendation of "The best friend's guide to toddlers" by Vicki Iovine - very funny.

also have to say - who the hell said "start dealing with his behavioural problems"??!! that's a nonsense at his age.

Original poster

Jenie · 10/10/2003 11:54

Hv told me to "start dealing with his behavioural problems" still makes me a bit sad to think about that.

Ds isn't the most laid back or gentle child, he is rough and tumble and full of mischief, I think that part of the problem is that he can't say very much (about 10 words) so it's frustration at not being able to communicate his wants.

Hv finds him a bit of a handful (as do I some days) he made the mistake of growling at her when she wouldn't let him play with her measuring thingy, he doesn't usually growl at people so he must have been very worked up.

He doesn't let other children have anything he has (what 18 month old does?) and he is physical just for something to do - but not towards me or dp just other children (usually bigger ones). If he doesn't get his own way he will bang his head off the floor (been going on for over 4 months now), and in the worst case off of another child, although I can usually pick him up befor this happens.

He isn't a bad child (imo not old enough to be bad) just a bit of a rascal who revels in destruction and chaos, with the face of an angel.

OP posts:

Blackduck · 10/10/2003 12:15

As I have said I don't really feel qualified to comment as mine is still a dot, but I don't think what you are describing means you have a juvenile delinquint in the making.....I think you are probably right that it is partly to do with the inability to express himself - I think in the Toddler Taming book he describes toddlers is being like Heathrow Airport with the control tower out of action - ie chaos (and potentially destructive!) And it sounds like your HV din't handle the situation well - why not let him play with her measuring thingy - what harm would it have done, and it would have kept him quiet. All children need to learn to share (imo) but it comes with time....(my 11 year old nephew is STILL jealous of his younger sister and occasionaly will withhold things from her even now and he's not a bad kid...)

tomps · 10/10/2003 12:43

Jenie I really agree with Blackduck, I'm sorry I didn't read your original post when I added my comments, but now I have. It sounds very very odd to describe toddler behaviour as 'behavioural problems' and not at all helpful for either you or him. Sonds more like the hv was having a bad day and your son just didn't fit it into well enough. I received a similar comment from a friend (!!! I know !)which had me in floods every time I thought about it. But I am absolutely sure that my daughter does not have behavioural problems. She's definitely a challenge, but for that I'm happier than if she was a shrinking violet (more like me and definitely less fun to be around !) Maybe you could go back to the hv and challenge her on this if it's going to stick in your mind. If not I think go with how you feel about him and read a bit if it'll help with some tactics and your confidence in backing up your son. Good luck

Flip