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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Can't stand my ds at the moment!

12 replies

Lethal · 07/10/2003 11:25

My ds, who is 3, has changed in the last few days from a well-behaved quiet(ish) child into the child from hell.

He played up at playgroup yesterday, hitting another little and refusing to apologise (very out of character up until now), smacked my mother yesterday when she tried to put him in the car, and then misbehaved for dh & I right up until his bedtime last night. Don't know what has happened to him.

Another thing that makes me livid, is that when his grandparents are around, he misbehaves even more and he runs straight to his nanny or poppy every time I tell him to do something - as if they are his 'protectors' or something. Then they try to appease him, and it makes him even more naughty. I've just had it with him at the moment...

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Original poster

Lethal · 07/10/2003 12:31

Meant to say "another little girl".

Has anyone experienced this relentless naughtiness??? He's really changed over the last week. I'm hoping it will pass, I think my parents think he's become uncontrollable... should I just keep being firm with the discipline? Not sure how to tackle it, it's actually turned into a bit of a battle between ds & I lately - any inspiration appreciated.

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CountessDracula · 07/10/2003 12:38

Lethal have you read Toddler Taming - it has lots of good stuff on discipline (some of which I don't agree with but it's still interesting to read and take the bits you do agree with).

Grommit · 07/10/2003 12:40

Lethal - my dd often acts like this just before she is ill with something like an ear infection -agressive behaviour is sometimes an outlet for pain or discomfort..? Just a thought, of course he could have just become a typical 'Threenager'...

LIZS · 07/10/2003 12:41

Could he have been unsettled by anything recently. Our ds , a generally even tempered child, went through a similar sounding phase at around 3 - 3.5 which coincided with a move and new sibling. He would be rude, answer back and get irritated and angry over minor things, often misunderstandings because he would not calm down enough to listen. However he was never really physical and largely took it out on us. In some ways I suspected he was trying it on, testing the limits, but I don't really know what to suggest if it happens at nursery too. Do you know what triggered him to hit out ? What is their approach and can you agree a method of dealing with it so that you can be consistent at home.

In our case we were firm on discipline and what we would and would not tolerate. We would often remove him from the situation and place him in the hall or ask him to go to his bedroom until he could return with his "happy head".This gave us all an opportunity to calm down. This behaviour passed eventually if that is any comfort.

hth

Original poster

Lethal · 07/10/2003 12:51

LIZS, I've been trying to think if anything might have triggered it, but nothing really comes to mind. He's been playing with a lot of different children over the last couple of weeks and maybe he's picked up some behaviour, but I think there may be more to it. Deep down I'm wondering if I'm spending enough quality time with him.

I also really wish my parents would be more firm with him, I've asked them many times to discipline him (remove him from a situation if he's being naughty, etc etc), so that rules are kept consistent. But they tend to be very soft with him and don't really listen to me. Anyway I suppose it is starting to concern me because the more he plays up, the more I'm on his back, and it goes around in a vicious circle. He can be quite willful and it's making me feel a bit out of my depth lately... I keep wondering if I'm doing something wrong.

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CONNEELY · 07/10/2003 20:10

this sounds dumb but am new to all this what is ds?dd?

forestfly · 07/10/2003 20:11

dear son dear daughter

Bron · 07/10/2003 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tetley · 07/10/2003 21:22

I agree with Bron - I think (hope) it's just age. My ds is coming up to 3, and a couple of months ago I'd been thinking that we'd got away with toddlerdom lightly, however, he's now hit it again - but worse than before.

We've reread Toddler Taming and it's a big help. My dh has really managed to take it all on board, and doesn't lose his temper any more with ds. He's calm & shows no reaction, and as a consequence is really getting on well with ds. I on the other hand am still trying, and so am still struggling with ds's tantrums.

What really brought it home to me yesterday was overhearing ds saying to one of his toys - "I'm fed up of you today - go away". I've now made a promise to myself to try not to say things like that again. So now it's count to 10 (or 100!) and stay calm......

bunny2 · 09/10/2003 20:58

More sympathy from me. Ds missed the terrible twos, he was an angel throughout. "What a brilliant Mum I am" I said to myself smugly. Then he turned 3 and became a nightmare child. He had long and frequent temper tantrums which really tested my patience, he hit me (still does), refused to so anything I wanted, horrible to other kids etc. I really didnt enjoy being with him for a couple of months. Now he is 3.5 and his tantrums are fewer (still can last an hour or more thoug), he had one 3 weeks ago and one today so that is all manageable. I adore his company again, we have lots of fun and most days pass without any unpleasantness. It is just a phase.

aloha · 09/10/2003 21:49

I expect it is just a phase. But the more you are fed up with him the worse he'll be IME. It helps me to remember my ds (who is very good really) is only little and it's my job to stay calm, ignore 'bad' behaviour and really praise the good. And while hitting obviously has to be firmly discouraged, I really wouldn't get upset by refusing to apologise as until they are older I don't think they really understand apologising anyway. I'd also look out for triggers such as hunger or tiredness, lack of positive attention (we all get busy and preoccupied) and mild illness.

Original poster

Lethal · 10/10/2003 06:33

Aloha I think you're right about him 'sensing' that I am fed up with him, making his behaviour worse. He stayed with his grandparents last night while dh & I had a night away, and this morning before I saw ds, I decided I was going to be more patient with him and that I would try speaking to him a bit differently.

It really seemed to make a difference. I was calmer with him, gave him lots of cuddles & told him him several times that he was a good boy for doing what he was told. He seemed to respond well & has been good today. I think when they go through a naughty phase, you start expecting them to play up all the time and it's hard to feel positive towards them, so I suppose they do pick up those vibes. I'll just have to work on my OWN behaviour now & try to respond to him in a more constructive way... better start praying for a lot more patience

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