How do I keep my 3yr old ds safe?

[Kenny10]

I have a 3yr old ds and an 8 month old ds too. Ds1 is great fun, bright and sociable. He has always been very wild and for the most part we let him be,with boundaries in relation to safety and wilful destruction etc. Our main problem which has resurfaced lately as we are not using a buggy for him anymore is in relation to road safety. He just runs across the road without waiting for us, he does seem to check but i cant always be sure. we treat it very seriously each time and both me and dp talk with him about it. He has always had a tendency to run from us, never comes back when we call him, in fact he runs away even more, putting himself in more danger. I could manage it fine before ds2 came along (although running after him was tough in late pregnancy) but obviously its much tougher now with two. We do safety training with him in relation to roads, explain what could happen etc. I am very concerned about it but am also beginning to feel a bit alienated from him because I am so anxious every time we go out. I don't want to feel like that. None of my friends seem to have this issue with their children so I was wondering if anyone out there has had similar experiences and could offer any suggestions?

The backpacks are brilliant, we had a cow print one and used it a lot when DD2 was younger either for her to carry her drink and snack or with the lead attached to it.

We've now passed it on to her younger cousin and it was still in fantastic condition.

wrist strap for DS once after he ran off in a shop, never had to use them since but i carry them and if he starts to get a bit to silly I remind him, if he did it again I would use them.

Got them in the pound shop!

tee2072 the littlelife backpack lead hooks on to a metal D ring on the bag so if you wanted you could always buy a longer lead - eg a dog lead - i fancy one of those retracktable ones, it would be hilarious (cue scorn from someone who doesn't share my sense of humour).
I know what you mean about the length of the normal reins, my DS wouldn't wear them because they were too short, he had no freedom and he'd just throw himself on the floor and tantrum, but he actually goes and gets his backpack if he wants to go out.

One book on child development I read suggested that children (might have been specifically boys but can't remember) can't accurately judge the speed of oncoming traffic till the age of 10 or so.

Do they ever wriggle themselves out of wrist straps? It just seems hard to have a firm enough hold on one, I am sure DC could tear it out of my hands (much better than reins, I mean). I'm sure I've read about dislocated shoulders or arms (in the child) resulting from them, too. Or is that urban myth?

Peanutbutterkid, he can't wriggle out of it as it's on a tightening strap on his wrist. I have heard of a child dislocating his arm but to be honest if he was pulling that much i would pick him up and take him home!

I bring the buggy with me, if he misbehaves scares me half to death he goes in for the rest of the walk. and we try again on the way home. He's almost at the stage now where we can go without it. ALMOST!

DS didn't regard the buggy as any kind of deterent from breaking away - it just saved him the bother of walking nicely. I would ditch the buggy entirely tbh.

Thanks for all your help and suggestions again. For the record, I am only looking for helpful and understanding suggestions, not accusations or inappropriate or pejorative comments of which thankfully there have only been two. We are all doing our best, I dont generally believe in concepts such as 'being in charge' or 'in control' when it comes to children to be honest although am certainly aware of the need for clear boundaries. Had enough of that a child myself so am trying a different approach. Thanks again.

But what if you can't pick him up & take him home, Dribble? Like what if you need to keep going to school or somewhere else, in order to get there in time? I don't take my kids with me hardly anywhere that I don't need to get to with them, it's not like the outings are mostly optional (leisure). And then once I'm carrying child I don't have arms free to carry other stuff (like school bags).

It's very unpleasant to carry a kicking three year old in any circumstance, so I can understand those wishing to avoid a holy war over reins (or anything for that matter).

I have a 3yo with NO road sense, so feel for OP. My other kids all got it long before this age, but not this one. I use the buggy, myself.

I dont like "being in charge" or "in control" as concepts very much either. BUT ypu have to be in control and in charge of his safety.

There need to be immediate consequences if he does not walk with you or if he starts to run off. He is really really too young to understand potential consequences like "You might get hit by a car" He can, however understand "If you run off you will have to go in the buggy [or in the reins] because I need to know that you are safe."

And then straight in the buggy if he does run off. Chasing him is a game - he will repeat it because it's fun.

Honestl;y, you can only reason with a 3 year old up to a point.

I have the same age difference between my DC!

When they were this age, I told DS1 to always keep a hand on the buggy when walking with me, unless in a park. I also bought a buggy-board for him to stand on when he got tired/tricky.

They are NOT road aware at this age!

Peanut - don't know as thankfully never happened (yet!). think its just luck, he is a monster in many other areas but running off isn't one of them. Think if you have a bolter then the backpack is a good idea.

We had these reins for DD1 & she loved wearing them (I called it her rucksack, rather than reins) until a couple of months ago when she started throwing a screaming hissy fit whenever I got them out (not sure what happened there) so I'm going to have to order the more grownup rucksack the others have mentioned & try again!

Do people not feel that 3.5 is a bit old for reins? I was talking with my dp last night in relation to this and we were both saying that we had never seen older children with them. I think i might go with peanuts suggestion of the buggy. I bought a second hand phil and teds anyway when ds2 was born so I can use that for the two of them. ds1 gets tired from walking a lot anyway so will probably be happy to go back in. We always used the buggy as a way of containing him and only recently stopped using it which is why this has come up as such a problem. Hopefully he can emerge from the buggy again when he is less inclined to run off. I brought him to creche this morning as I have just returned to work parttime after maternity leave and he was mostly fine, held my hand etc. I didnt have ds2 though so that made it much easier obviously.

We did "freeze" and "stop" rather than shouting ds name (same age as yours op) and we started it as a game that we did together just walking along, getting him to say it to me too, freezing with silly faces etc etc so it was something we could affirm "wow great freezing... didn't you stop well" etc etc. Now whenever he bolts one of us shouts STOP or FREEZE and he does it, we can then catch him up and it's just become conditioned into him. Risky if he won't do it though! Other times it's reins if it's somewhere we won't be able to see him if he runs.
Plus we have always done zero tolerance on fair consequences - if you don't do x then we will do y (go home, stop playing etc etc) and again, works if you follow through with it

I don't like reins in theory. Although they are better than wrist straps, which are ghastly.. But I think you have to do what you have to if you have a bolter. And he's only too old for reins if he reliably doesn't run off. As you could possiby expalin to him?