Normal or extreme terrible 2's??

[CharlieBoo]

My dd was 2 a couple of weeks ago, so I guess a lot of the issues we have are age related. Everything at the moment is a battle... From getting dressed, dinner time, getting in her car seat, doing her hair, generally doing anything you want/need her to do. I have to talk her into doing most things (which is exhausting and doesn't always work!) At home when we are together and she has one on one she is wonderful. However when she can't have her own way her reaction is a complete meltdown. I know a lot of this is normal but she's getting worse not better and I don't know what to do with her. When were out she is a nightmare. She will scream and cry until we give in and get her out of the buggy. When out she either runs off laughing, pulls things off the shelves in the shop, just chaos. I really need some coping strategies as I'm worn out. Leaving her in the buggy to cry doesn't work as she doesn't give in she will just cry and cry and I end up stressed and abandoning shopping trip. My mum has mentioned trying the naughty step for when she hits big brother (mostly to get his attention when he's ignoring her!) and for her general behaviour. Whatdo you think? She understand everything we say and her language is good.

We go on holiday on Friday to Majorca for a week and tbh I am dreading it. Our son was the most placid, beautifully natured toddler, we got lucky with him and I'm hoping that this behaviour from dd is typical of most 2 year olds......... Thanks x

She is probably just a very willful little girl, so within the range of normal, but you could probably try to difuse a lot of situations befoer they escalate to crying and screaming by choosing your battles (e.g leaving her hair unless she wants you to bruch it, letting her choose her clothes) and also by giving her choices before you go out e.g. "we are going to the shops, you will sit in your buggy while we get to the shops and then you can walk next to me OR stay in your buggy", so tell her your positive expectations of her (without mentioning the 'bad' behaviours) and then reward her instantly when she does what you asked her (with a chocolate button or just praise or a kiss or something, but it has to be an instant reward, like with a dog).

That might work. Children like to please. And it's easier for them to please if they know what you want them to do to make you happy.

I don't like the naughty step. I wouldn't use it. I would just remove her from the room every time she hits her brother, while giving her no attention or eye contact. She can come straight back in, and if she's then nice reward her again, instantly.

Hope that helps.

Yes removing her from the room may be better than the naughty step. I'll try that. The problem with chocolate button is she wants the whole pack not just one! She is very wilfull and having a big brother who (6years old) can do so much more than her frustrates her. She is adorable, but I just need some ideas on how to manage her meltdowns... Thanks for the post

Tantrums are about getting attention and her own way. Tell her what you are going to do then do it (as long as its really needed, agree forget the hairbrush). Then if she kicks off ignore her until she stops. Then give her attention and talk to her. It is impossible to reason with a 2 year old while they are having a tantrum because they are being anything but reasonable. I think even trying is giving the tantrum attention. Wait tilk shes being nice and give her loads of attention. I feel your pain with the buggy my daughter not only screams but also climbs out . But most of all try not to let it stress you out if she screams in the supermarket for example, it isnt really the end of the world.

For shopping could you use reins?

this worked for my nightmare 2 year old. eventually:

praise praise praise praise praise the good behaviour. extremely over-the-top-ly and constantly. really - totally overdo the praise.

ignore the bad behaviour unless it is hurting someone else. so, if she is having a hissy fit about hair, walk away. leave her. try again later.

however, when she hits her brother, make a fuss of him first, tell her she has hurt him, 'look - see what you have done' etc and cuddle him. then remove her and give her some time-out somewhere.

it takes AGES. but eventually it works.

mind you - it probably also works if you do nothing. but you need to feel like you are doing something...

Thanks ladies some good tips, am really going to go for it with the ott praise and ignoring the bad behaviour like you say. My son just wasn't one for tantrums, I can only recall one in the supermarket, hence I have no experience and am more than winging it at the moment. I have one of those bags that act as a rein but the minute I put it on her she lays down and refuses to move, complete waste of money! I am just going to limit shopping for the time being.

She has wild curly hair and hence it gets really knotty so this is why she refuses this... Agreed will choose my battles and if I can just leave it.

Right the new assertive me starts tomorrow.... Wish me luck!

I've got a just turned 2 yo dd and she can be a bit of a handful when shopping. I just thought id share what seems to work for us. I always have a chat with her before we go into the shop, explain she can walk on her own as long as she is a good girl, listens to mummy and doesnt run off... generally that works. If she starts getting into everything then i give her the choice of either holding mummy's hand or walking on her own and being a good girl. I have found that she generally is pretty good if i give her the choice to make herself but then if she does start I always make sure I follow through on what i have said and explain to her "you didnt listen to mummy when i asked you "x" so now you have to go in the trolley".
As for the hair i feel your pain, my dd has curly hair but if i ask her if she's like me to go through it with my fingers first so it gets most of the knots out she agrees and then is fine about me brushing it after.
I know what you mean though, it seems i spend all day long explaining things, it would be nice just to say "because i said so"!