What's reasonable for a 5 week old?

[calella]

I am wondering if we are expecting too much from our 5 week old or if good habits at the start will benefit us in the long term.

She generally feeds at 0000, 0400, 0800, 1200, 1600 & 2000 when she is bathed and ready for bed.

Its been hard work but we ar trying to stick to this plan to avoid unsettling her.

We think the colic has struck because for the last couple of nights she has been pretty unconsolable from about 6pm to 9pm. Despite the bath and feed.

She is sleeping in her moses basket next to our bed but from 8 or 9 onwards when she settles we have been leaving her upstairs with the monitor on.

The support network we have is really strong, but we are still unsure of what we should be doing and what stage we should be at.

Is what we have achieved about right, or too little?

Should she need holding for x hours or be ok to leave on her play mat x minutes, because that is where the confusing and conflicting information comes in.

She is still quite clingy and needs holding a lot.

Any advice or comments appreciated :)

BIG not BUG..

Go with your instincts. I say this because with dd1 I wanted to be a happy go lucky mum who took the baby everywhere and slotted her in around me only to find she wasn't happy unless she had routine and a set bedtime. With dd2 I went for routine from the start only to find she is a free spirit who took offense to being scheduled in any way(or it may have been colic). Incidentally they are still the same at ages 10 and 8.

The minute I stopped worrying about what I ought to be doing and reached a negotiation that suited me and them(involving lots of cuddling up to rubbish TV and sleeping at inappropriate times) we were all much happier.

At the risk of sounding trite try to relax and enjoy your baby because they don't stay small for very long!

Its both Mum and Dad posting... we have both been getting advice on how you shouldnt hold them too much or do this or do that.

So it's nice that people are pointing us in the right direction.

Naturally we are nervous, its our first time. So all advice is appreciated.

If somebody tells you you shouldn't be holding and cuddling your brand new baby ignore them. AND treat anything else they tell you with extreme scepticism.

congratulations on your lovely baby!

people always have loads of excellent and contradictory advice to offer you . Just listen to your own instincts and what your baby is telling you, rather than worrying if you are doing the "right thing" as dictated by someone else.

Lots of cuddles, sleep whenever you can, ignore the housework, feed her when she needs it rather than to schedule - no fun trying to keep a hungry baby going to a set feed time, if they're hungry now then feed now! Honestly you can't spoil her, just enjoy her!

5 weeks is a hard time - lots of endless input from you not much output (other than poo, wee, sick and broken sleep) yet from baby. She will start smiling soon and then you feel like you're making a proper two way connection!

My dd1 was bottle fed from 1 week onwards and 4 hours seems a very long time to me too. She fed every 2.5-3 hours at that age, but then I think she had a longer stretch at night, maybe 5-6 hours without milk, so she might have been having 6 bottles in 24 hours like your baby OP. Sorry that's not much help! If I were you though, I would try a 3 hour schedule, say 8am, 11am, 2pm, 5pm, 8pm, 11-12pm, 4am and see if that helps your evenings. This is a v common sort of schedule, as it is like breakfast, mid-morning feed, lunch, mid-afternoon feed, evening feed, and night time feed. And 4 hours really is a long time. Plus she might drop the 4am feed earlier if you give her plenty during the day!

In saying all that, I wouldn't worry about routines or schedules or routines at all, especially since your baby is so small, but the above schedule is a pattern that very many bottle-fed fall into naturally anyway (and breast-fed babies if like my dd2). But as others have said, if she is hungry, feed her now! Don't worry about the clock.

As for picking her up and holding her, imo, do that as much as possible! It'll help you form a close bond, it's much better for her to be in your arms feeling happy and safe and secure as much as possible, and soon she'll be pushing you away anyway. You can't spoil her or create bad habits. I worried about all that with my first too! With hindsight I would now say just relax and enjoy it and ignore everyone, don't let them worry you or stop you from enjoying your baby.

Congratulations and good luck.

Forgot to say - congrats on your lovely new baby.

It's natural to feel nervous - this time next year you'll be posting on here with advice for new mums...

OPs, lots of people (women) of our parents' generation think babies should be fed every 4 hours and no more often, that if they seem to be hungry sooner you must make them stretch longer (the particularly fun by product of this line of thinking is if you are breast feeding and your baby is hungry sooner than 4 hours they will tell you your milk is inadequate); you will "spoil" them if you hold them a lot; they must get into a firm sleep routine early, and generally be treated as if baby has invaded your life with the sole intention of ruining it and taking it over. The baby must be quelled like an invading army (there are modern parenting books which take a similar approach).

It is all nonsense.

Buy the Mumsnet babies book. Then you will have lots of sensible advice to hand without having to post or search on here. Then, the time you've spent posting and reading replies, you can spend in the bath reading the Mumsnet book. It's full of very sensible advice just like the advice you've had here but you get to have a bath too :)

I bought it when mine was about 6-7 weeks and it has been really excellent. Congratulations and go back to your cuddling!

TheBride it's not scaremongering! Babies shouldn't sleep in separate rooms (day or night) for the first six months.

It's so they can hear you at night / general household bustle during the day (not necessarily hear you breathe) and not slip into a very deep sleep which may make the baby more vulnerable to SIDS

Yes the risk is minute but why chance it?

In that case, the OP should also definitely be using a dummy because that's also proven to reduce SIDS, except it's not. What is proven is that there is a correlation between babies who sleep with dummies and lower incidence of SIDS.

I also wanted to get into a bit of a schedule and felt a bit of a failure when I couldn't. What I soon realised was that you can have an idea of what you're aiming for, but to be as flexible as you possibly can and if that means the schedule out of the window then so be it. Cuddle if you need to, 5 weeks is tiny. Really only 3 months plus (if you're lucky) will you see more of a consistent schedule (if I remember correctly!)

calella, just reiterating other posters really - feed on demand, as much cuddling as you can give and ignore those with 'unhelpful' advice about avoiding eye contact, 4 hourly feeds, crying to sleep, solids at 12 weeks, etc etc. They're usually from an older generation, sadly, who don't realise that times have changed. And, above all, go with the flow rather than worrying about what you have achieved - there'll be time to ask yourself that in 18 years time!

If you think your baby is getting colic, have you tried a sling? Some babies (not all - there are no rules with babies) find it soothing to be carried around and walked to sleep during the early evening, and it leaves you free to be getting on with other things.

I wish colic had only been 6 - 9pm for us - a bad night would be 7pm - 5am - we took shifts - he wasn't put down for any of that, even though he was inconsolable.

Ds was with me all the time - apart from short breaks on a rug or play mat - if I was there he wanted to be held by me. Doesn't seem to have done him any harm - he's now a strapping 6 yo and very out-going.

The person who told us about having too much contact with the baby was of that generation above.

When we said "she is very clingy during the day and wont go to sleep unless she is being held, is this right? or could we be doing something wrong?"

The reply was "nip that in the bud, they will still need getting off to sleep when they are 6".

Whilst we knew that wasn't neccessarily true it is hard not to panic.

Well done to everyone who worked out that the language of the post was male generated ! but we have discussed every comment and are working as a team in this.

The sling idea has worked wonders. We had a nice walk yesterday to get her used to it and even though I (Dad) and back at work today Mum and baby are getting around and enjoying being in the house together this morning.

It may be a male habit to try and benchmark (hence our original post!), but the fear or not fulfilling our babies needs and not helping her was the motive.

Thanks to much of the constructive advice and comment we have received we will continue down the right path of keeping our lovely daughter close and hopefuly happy and contented.

If it helps... the first time ds 'went down' for a nap on his own - with me elsewhere in the house was when he was 10mo - up until then, unless he was in his buggy or in the car, my lap was, apparently, the only acceptable location (unless someone else's lap was available when he might be persuaded to make do). He would, however, doze off on the cushions at nursery on his own

Since he moved into his cot, I have never had to wait in his room until he goes to sleep. Sometimes there's singing or chatting which dies out - but he settles himself. So, from my experience, allowing them to be with you when they're tiny does not make a rod for your own back for later on.

Sling sounds a good idea - hope it continues to work well for you.

Thanks, and all the best to you and yours :)

Congratulations on your new baby. I remember DS "waking up" around 5-6 weeks - he just became harder to settle etc. There is a growth spurt around then plus a developmental leap too which can make baby unsettled. Best thing is cuddles and reassurance.

I also remember worrying about DS not settling - but at 20 moths I can tell you that he changed (and continues to) change so much in such short spaces of time. From 6 months he self settled for sleep but that comes and goes depending on his needs. Sometimes he needs more cuddles from me, sometimes less. So I try and give him that - just think, our emotional needs vary so the same can be said for baby.