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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2yr old rejecting mummy!

10 replies

eastegg · 01/06/2011 12:14

DS has just turned 2. Tantrums and irrational behaviour I was expecting, but what I'm finding hard is that he has these strops in which he rejects me, shouting 'not mummy' and that he wants his daddy. It can happen 'from cold' IYKWIM, not necessarily in the middle of a tantrum about something. For example I went into him this morning, he was fine until he saw me and found out daddy wasn''t there and then had a strop. It stopped when I left the room and started when I came back! It's by no means all the time; we generally have good times together and I would say for his age he's fairly well-behaved.

I work P/T and DH F/T so I do a lot of the single-handed childcare. I'm finding it difficult not to feel resentful about this. DH is getting all the best bits; hardly ever has to deal with DS on his own and when he is around DS is giving him all the nice attention and ignoring me. I seriously need to nip these feelings in the bud. Would help to know this is normal.

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joruth · 01/06/2011 12:33

Totally normal...in my experience and is often about identification ( he's just worked out that daddy and he are both boys!) Horrid for you though! I do suggest though that you make some space for yourself and get your husband to do some single handed child care ...good for him, good for son and good for you....what about if he does Saturday morning getting up routine, breakfast and play until mid morning? or some other predictable time that works with your schedule...you can use this time to go for a walk, shop or swim or something just for you...recharge your batteries and prepare to be ultra calm every time it happens....the most common problem with this behaviour is that the child sees you react strongly and will repeat the behaviour more because of this...calm, calm, calm. You know he loves his mum!

chocolatemacadamias · 01/06/2011 12:42

We have the same with DD though in reverse-lots of no daddy here. DH finds it really hard. I think joruth is right it's about developing self awareness and all you can do is stay calm and ride it out. He still loves you and in fact maybe it's because he feels secure with you that he can try to push you away a bit and see what happens. It will pass. Take some time for yourself if you can and keep smiling.

Original poster

eastegg · 01/06/2011 12:51

Good suggestions, joruth, thanks. I'm sure you're right that staying calm is crucial, so I'm really trying not to let it get to me.

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Original poster

eastegg · 01/06/2011 12:55

Thanks chocolate. Interesting you've got it in reverse. I'm 5 months PG at the mo and this is making me want a girl! Silly, I know, and I don't really have a preference, but it's reminding me of all those old cliches about girls staying closer. I suppose we have to remember we don't own them...

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Sparklyboots · 02/06/2011 22:30

Have you thought of playing it out, trying to jolly your DS out of it? Saying 'Oh, you want daddy, do you?' and putting your DP's clothes on, affecting a silly version of DP's voice and drawing on his beard/ mustache/ stubble? And play-acting Daddy? Would be funny and distracting for you even if DS won't go along with it...

exoticfruits · 02/06/2011 22:44

Just keep calm-ignore it completely-he loves you. Don't let him manipulate you both.

brettgirl2 · 03/06/2011 14:09

My 2 year old daughter always kicks off that she wants Daddy. The reason is fairly clear to me - he behaves like an oversized 2 year old . By the time she is 13 I am sure she will find him mortifying and come back to me!

Pinkjenny · 03/06/2011 14:16

My dc prefer my mum to anyone else. Can be heartbreaking, but at 4yo and 18mo, they recognise that she never says no to them, plays for hours on end, so it's no wonder really.

Hard though. Makes me feel like a terrible mother. And as I have a dd and a ds, I'm confident it's not gender specific, eastegg.

B52s · 03/06/2011 15:53

Normal, normal, normal. DS2 has even shouted 'that man!' to a complete stranger in preference to me changing his nappy. DS1 was the same, but it passes.

When I'm on my own it's fine for me to do things, but given a choice and it's 'no mummy!' every time.

I leave the room and do something else. There's always something else you can do.

I know from DS1 that I am now the 'favourite parent' and it will swing back and forth, back and forth.

Please don't feel bad about this, it is normal, it will pass. Go and do something you enjoy doing instead of feeling inadequate.

Original poster

eastegg · 09/06/2011 15:28

Been away from MN for a few days, thanks for the replies, very reassuring.

B52s it sounds exactly the same! Nappy changing is a particular flashpoint.I do now go and do something else rather than hang around like a spare part. He sometimes does it when I'm on my own but obviously then I just have to crack on, smile through it (I'm learning!) and he gets over it.

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