Ds, 4, Hulking Out and bedwetting....

[Blu]

DS is 4.4, and usually lively but sweet.

In the last week he has had a few bedwetting - and daytime - accidents, and has also become extremely loud and shouty, and seems physically incapapable of keeping still AT ALL, or being quiet. If he runs out of something to say (which is unusual for him!) he just talks gobbledigook in a silly voice until new real conversation occurs to him.

He has had a busy few weeks - Halloween, Diwali and Bonfire Night caused huge excitement, and DP also had an operation that week. DS was a bit perterbed about the oxygen mask and blood drain.

Is this enough to cause all this, two weeks later?

he has been 100% reliably dry since he toilet trained himself just before 3.

Oh no - I've been sent to Mumsnet Coventry!

They're all to busy answering my post..... NOT
[joke]

I think that it could be enough. My ds had been dry at night for a good few months but began wetting again when under stress at school last year. He also started having regular nightmares which he had never had before. We eventually had to take him out of the school and he was much happier. The nightmare stopped quite quickly - within a couple of weeks really. But the bed wetting went on for much longer and he still has the odd accident now months later. Busy exciting times always make his behaviour worse.

yes yes yes it is, blu. Definitely. He's been through a lot in the past few weeks- this is a normal reaction me deario. Really is. Have to go and eat dinner now but will come back to this later. Pleeesese don't worry about the fab sounding boyblu.

Hm, I wonder if he's having a little testosterone surge, coinciding with your tricky and busy week Blu. The former makes them eminently cloutworthy at times and the latter can cause temporary regression - ds' potty training went backwards during a major and unhideable family crisis a couple of years ago.

I agree with the Scumster - this is what little boys do when they are worn to a frazzle IME - get a bit shouty and leaky.

ooh, ooh, not to mention the pressure of learning his lines dahling.

Blu - has he started school this September as well?

I would definitely say that all that could cause that behaviour two weeks later - easy peasy. Ds1 (four and a half) changed personality when he started school, then settled a bit... then came half term. We were all ill except him, so he got precious little attention while ds2 and I virtually lived at the doctor's surgery. He was fine about it.

Then he had to go back to school after half term and BOY did we feel the fall out - major tantrums, whineyness, playing up, anything to get attention. Straight out refusal to go to school. Getting a lot better now, with a lot of work he's become a pleasant little boy again, but is still having the occasional "I don't want you as my mummy any more" moment which I'm ignoring.

Remember the mummy mantra: andthistooshallpass andthistooshallpass andthistooshallpass andthistooshallpass...

LOL.
Yes, he is having a big growth surge, and is quite exhausted, so I suppose that is it. A testosterone surge sounds likely. Would that increase leakiness? He is eating huge amounts, non-stop, which is unusual for him.

He also seems to be dreaming like mad.

Every morning, he regales me with his dreampt adventures of his 'family' - his friends, who seems to have huge and endless battles with dragons and wild boars in jungles.

It's wearing me out.

And learning his lines, and perfecting the ambitious physical theatre sequence which goes on in the carpenter shop. Not in the script, of course.

OK, so all this is normal, and will certainly not stop throughout Christmas or starting school in January???

LOL Georgina.
And yes, he has had a couple of very uncharacteristic tantrums, too.

He was quite cool at the time about what he saw in the hospital, but has talked about it a week later - daddy looked like a vampire, etc.

They seem to work on a kind of time delay, don't they?

I think it's more that when they perceive something to be "wrong" (like I guess if he was worried that your dp was really ill) then they behave well because they're scared (maybe even that it's their fault?). Then when the problem is over ... it's now "safe" to react and express their frustration, anger and fear?

That's my pop psychology for the week anyway

A warning: you may find regression and bad behaviour occurring in January again when he starts school. I've already been warned by ds1's reception teacher that we'll probably get a resurfacing of the problems after the Christmas break as well. Still, forewarned is forearmed and all that... sigh

Your 'pop psychology' makes a lot of sense, Georgina, and I hadn't thought of that. He was actually very well behaved during DP's time in hospital and super considerate (in a 4 year-old sort of way) while he was convalescing at home.

Hmmm, thanks all - and Amynixmum - i hope things settle down with your DS - is he going back to school next year?

Ds still talks with an evident frisson about seeing me having blood transfused after dd was born, over two years ago. And he was spookily "good" and "kind" at that time too Blu.
I hope you're not feeling too down about all this. I muat admit I found seeing the last shreds of ds' toddler cherub mode disappearing very poignant and lowering.

Thanks blu,

Things have already settled down. The LEA agreed to backyear ds and he started in a new school from reception this sept. He started fulltime yesterday and he had an excellent day.

amynnixmum - that DOES sound good! Excellent.

marina - This is all very resonant. And I think you are right - I am adjusting to the 'rights of passage' too - and even the whole nativity play thing is emphasising that this marks the end of the cherub pre-school era: it will be the last thing he does at nursery.

So, it is my anxiety as much as his - but it will all be ok, and the next bit will be just as engaging.

No bedwetting for last two nights, so....

And interesting that the blood transfusion has stuck in your DS's mind, too.

Thank you.

Blu - definitely. GeorginaA's first post could have been written by me! In fact it's very reassuring to read it! My ds1 is also 4.5 and has started school this Sept and his behaviour has really deteriorated. He used to be very amenable, very polite and lovely but since school he's become more aggressive, lots of tantrums and has said 'I don't want you to be my Mummy anymore' (which really hurt ). Last night he really embarrassed me by refusing to thank our host for letting us visit - he's normally really polite but he was a real grump and even lashed out at me - again, he's never done this before.

Anyway, it certainly does sound like your ds is reacting to a stressful/exciting period and hopefully it will pass! I'm keeping my fingers crossed in the case of my ds as well!

Blu, GergonaA, GDG - all of this is VERY familiar to me. My DS is 4.1 and started the nursery section of his school in September: he is a lovely, lively, sweet-natured, cheerful little thing most of the time. He has been very similar to what you have all described. Ostensibly he has coped with his new regime really well - and the teachers think he has settled in excellently etc. But he has been more short tempered at home, agressive to his sister, a bit shouty - lots of talk of killing and fighting - and a bit loud with lots of silly talking. He has also had some spectacular temper tantrums, which have been completely out of character and unseen since toddler days (no wetting himself though).

We think this is just his way of coping with all of the "newness" and are either giving him extra time or benignly ignoring it (ie turning a bit of a blind eye to behaviour which in other circumstances would merit the naughty step or withdrawal of a pasta piece). He seems to respond well to being given "grown up" privileges because he is now so big which DD (2) is not allowed to do - for example DH took him to a matinee of Wallace and Grommit at the weekend, just the 2 of them, which he really liked (as did DH)

I really don't think there is anything specifically wrong - no one lurking concern like a fear of the playground, peer exclusion, anything like that. After one of his recent tantrums where we had both been a bit shouty we ended up with him and me sitting on the floor having a cuddle, which he said he would like to do for a bit longer. I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk to me about and told him that he knew that he could talk to Mum about anything at all at any time. He said to me in a very small subdued voice "can we really talk about anything at all?" "Yes" "Oh", he said, brightening up a bit "can we talk about diggers then."

Gobbledigook: I've stumbled on a really good tactic against "I don't want you to be my mummy anymore". I just say "okay", stop any playing or whatever and go do my own thing ... perfectly happy and not cross or bringing it up, just not doing "mummy" stuff. He soon asks for me to play or read a book, or take him to bed and I just reply "No sorry, that's a mummy job. Would you like me to be your mummy again?" - the second he says "yes" I revert back to playing/reading his story or whatever. He's starting to twig that actually, mummies are quite important

Well maybe I can offer some cheering reassurance to you all then, because at nearly 6.5, ds is emerging fast from the other side of this rather tricky phase in a boy's life. Even when we too had the grumps, the "I don't want you to be my mummy, I'm leaving home" door slammers, the bouncing off the walls manically, we kept soldiering on with insistence on manners, thinking of others, and praising lavishly and appreciatively when things did go well.
Ds will always have a tendency to petulance, I think, but just lately he has been so much fun again, and much more reasonable, and affectionate. We always get good reviews of his politeness from adults he encounters at school, church etc, so all the vileness was saved for his family.
But it does get better again, truly, and the jokes and puns and emotional maturing that are happening now do mean a new level of pleasure in your child's company
Courage les filles

Interesting that there is a definite pattern here - thanks GdG and Anchovy.

Merci, marina - goo-goo-head!

(doesn't that drive you WILD???)