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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Any tips for dealing with 3 year old and new baby?

15 replies

sarahbeth2 · 29/05/2011 21:35

Bit worried as 3 year old doesnt even like me and my husband talking... Any tips for dealing with it... baby due this sunday ;)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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RottenRow · 29/05/2011 21:43

I'm also in same position. Does your 3 year old like helping you? Have been told things like make sure you are not holding the new baby when your DC meets it for first time, present from newborn to DC and vice versa, lots of activities for DC to sit and get on with. Though I am very interested to hear more from someone who has already done it.....

Good luck btw

Original poster

sarahbeth2 · 29/05/2011 21:55

Yep, heard all above. She loves to help but imagine will be very over enthusiastic!!!

OP posts:

chocolateteabag · 31/05/2011 22:26

Ok this is secondhand - my friend has a 3.5 DD and 8 month old DS

One thing she said that seems to have been vv important to DD was that she goes to bed later than DS. Even if this is just 10 mins later (and DS then gets up later on etc) For her DD it is all about her being older than the baby and therefore getting to do things because she is older

Chrysanthemum5 · 31/05/2011 22:34

My top tip is 'special time'. I would put dd to bed while ds (then aged 3) got 20-30 minutes of daddys time to do whatever he wanted. Usually they build Lego or had car races etc. But it meant the world to ds and it helped him deal with sharing us with his sister because special time was just for him.

skybluepearl · 31/05/2011 22:43

maybe try to do things like reading books to 3 year old while feeding. telling everyone what a wonderful big boy he has been. having special mummy time with him. small rewards for being nice to baby.

diggingintheribs · 31/05/2011 22:45

Things that worked for us;

present from DD to DS - something he would really like. We told him that we stopped off at the shops on the way back from the hospital and she chose it specially because she had heard him talking about it before she was born. He is a little gullible!!!
She was in the crib when he met her
he had been with GP's so came home to find her. This wasn't a problem as he felt special to be the first person meeting her and then he introduced her to GPs
If he wanted to act like a baby we let him - actually reverse of chocolateteabag's friends advice - he seemed to need reassuring that he is still my baby
he had no interest in helping and I didn't force it. He did want to cuddle her lots though and we had lots of group hugs!
DH spent a lot of time with him and took him for special days out at weekends. he also took DD so I could spend one to one time with DS
Just because it goes well at first doesn't mean there won't be problems. DS adores DD but has started to get very irritated now she tries to chew all his favourite toys!!

MayDayChild · 31/05/2011 23:03

My DD was very unsure when meeting her new bro in hosp and subdued. most unusual for her.
Her bad behaviour escalated about 6 wks later she deliberately poo'd on chair. But it's a cry for attention like the baby got and she quickly settled after that (and a stern talk).
It's like they accept at first but then realise the baby is here to stay!

angelPeacock · 12/06/2011 00:18

the best thing i did was make sure that in EVERY part of the day my DS would help me. so when i was changing DD nappy, i would ask DS to pass me the baby wipes, or bath time he would get the towel, and walking out hew would hold the pram becuase he was "helping me push it". as long as they feel involved, and usefull and making mummy and daddy happy it works. all the other advise is great, and again works, but this is the biggest peice i would ever pass on xx

Kenny10 · 12/06/2011 08:16

I would agree with everything diggingintheribs has said in particular- great advice. I had ds2 in October when ds1 was 2.8. We did a lot of what has been suggested here and to be honest its been fine. I would particularly emphasise the spending lots of time with your dp as that worked very well for us. Dp had close to 3 weeks off which was great. I'm not sure what your situation is but if you could have that time it would help. (or get other family involved if you have them). I do encourage ds1 to help a bit too, getting nappies and wipes etc. All visitors to the house after the birth ignored the new baby and brought something very small for ds1 as well. All very helpful. Wishing you the best of luck, it will take a bit of time to adjust but will be fine.

Kenny10 · 12/06/2011 08:19

oh and absolutely agree re letting dc1 be a baby if they want. i did a lot of talking about 'my two babies' after ds2 came along.

TheSecondComing · 12/06/2011 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rindercella · 12/06/2011 08:34

Definitely agree with small present from new baby for your DD. And also I got DD1 to choose her own present for DD2 (she was 2.7 years when DD2 was born). And when she meets her new brother or sister for the first time, try and make sure you're not holding the baby.

Try and make sure you have some special time with your DD every day. Do her favourite thing together. Sometimes when I was feeding DD2, DD1 would cuddle up too and I would call that our special group hug - I still do in fact! If DD1 wanted to help, then of course I would let her (get a nappy, etc) but I didn't get cross if she didn't want to.

DD1 and DD2 adore each other.

Good luck!

petisa · 12/06/2011 17:01

Tell your 3 year old that the baby thinks he/she is AMAZING at going on scooter/cycling/painting/whatever.

icraveaphantom · 12/06/2011 21:23

well, my dds are 3 years apart and for what it's worth we didn't do much of the stuff listed here....I was holding dd2 when dd1 met her, there were no presents either way, when bfing dd2 I was generally so knackered that I could barely summon the energy to play with dd1 (for the first 6 months at least), dd1 didn't always go to bed after dd2, so I was definitely not the perfect mother of two...

BUT it is a year on, and things are absolutely fine, they have a great relationship. In the early days I think you have to focus on surviving, and keeping everyone fed, watered, rested and amused (as much as you can). I did a lot of the following: asking dd1 to be really helpful and get the wipes, nappy etc, lots of jigsaws, cbeebies in great abundance, lots of trips out to the park/anywhere to keep dd1 occupied, all cuddling up in bed some afternoons and reading, and so on.

don't get too caught up on trying to apologise to the eldest for the presence of the youngest. imo that doesn't send the right signals. the older sibling will have to accept that they will get a bit less attention than their younger sibling for a while. do try to talk to them a lot about what you did with them when they were the same age though, and if you can show them baby pictures etc.

it really does just take time i think. 3 is still so little

Tgger · 12/06/2011 21:42

Oooo, good luck! Expect the worst and then you will not be thrown by it (sorry, bit negative but it will probably rock her world as you expect...)

Roll with it. However she reacts, roll with it and give her some really good quality time every day, even if it means handing a screaming newborn over to your DH for a short while. Apart from feeding (if you are BF) then your DH can do the rest as well as you (it's good to start off with this mantra as it's so easy to feel you are the expert and not to delegate when you can and should).

Get help from other adults (eg grandparents) that your DD is attached to. Get them to take her out and give her 1 to 1 time. Later when baby is a bit older they can take the baby a bit (even in the house) whilst you give DD some attention.

She may not react straight away- with my friends and me the sibling rivlary seemed to go in waves and kicked in more at 8 weeks- so you may think you have got away with it- so watch out!

She may take to the baby straight away and be a lovely big sister. Hope so! But expect a reaction and then it will not catch you unawares .

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