2.5 yr old daughter hits us and others

[daddyb]

Hi

Our daughter has a nasty habit at the moment of hurting others (fist, slap , scratch, pinch, kick)and it is rather embarassing. We have started down the naughty chair route as all other avenues have failed, smacking made her laugh and made us feel awfull, giving all our attention the the victim had no affect and quetly explaining why it was not okay was the same.

It usually happens when she is playing (arguments over toy sharing) but also when we are trying to get her to get dressed or are on the phone in fact at the moment anything can trigger an outburst. She is mostly great fun to be around and very loving but she can turn in seconds. She has always been a demanding and very active child but my wife and I are almost at the end of our tethers and feeling awfull because we seem to spend all of our time (literally) telling her off.

Nursery have said she is as good as gold and rarely has any problems with other children (in fact she is sporting a nice graze on her forehead administered by another child last week).

Is this normall ?

Any ideas ?? Please

Regards

Hi Daddyb, I think we may be just getting into this 'phase' with DD (aged 2). A few times recently when I have told her off about something (calmly and quietly) she has responded by pushing me - sort of a mixture between a push and a punch! What really gets me is that she is watching for our reaction, and is very deliberate about it - even crossing the room for a little jab! We always make her apologise and luckily hasn't escalated into the stage your describing, but just thought I'd let you know your not the only one out there!

hi daddyb my dd 2.6 went through that stage about 6 months ago. She turned from angel to demon child in seconds and scratched right down her one year olds cousins face at one point,and made her dads face bleed! We tryed to ignore it until it went too far then sat her in the chair telly of! We found that the only thing to shock her was when we BOTH told her off at the same time! That always made her cry and she doesn't do it anymore.Touch wood! Good luck

afraid i have no advice and was hoping to recieve some from here. our 2 year old is the same, i am getting hit many times a day and also at the end of my tether. is the naughty chair working and do you physically restrain her there as i imagine our son would walk away smiling.

You should try the telling off at same time. We used to glance at each other then tell her off together very loudly..........i'd be interested to see if it works with othersor if it's just my dd that hates this!

It sounds to me that she is using this as a way of getting attention and the fact that you 'seem to spend all day telling her off' means that she is getting it!! Why don't you try ignoring it for all but the worst cases when she is particularly violent when you can use Angeliz's 'both of you telling her off together' approach which sounds effective. If you quickly walk away when she starts hitting out at you and get busy doing something else maybe after a while she'll realise she gets more attention when she is being 'nice' than she gets for being 'not so nice'. My 31/2 year old son is getting past this stage now by learning to control his aggression - he still likes to play fight etc but if he gets too carried away and actually hits us we just quickly say 'the game is over now, we don't want to play if we are being hurt'and then wonder off and look very busy doing something else!! He's then left looking like 'Billy no mates' which he hates!!

jmg i had a smile at your Billy no mates comment. I think thats it really, it sounds awful but it's about finding out what they DON'T like.

Agree, telling off is attention, so try ignoring. Stand up, walk away, do something else. No eye contact.

Thanks for the comments, we had come to the same conclusion that she may have discovered a new (to her) way of getting attention. I spent all day with her yesterday and she was fine until we made a tent in the living room and she decided daddy wasnt allowed in and hit out. To answer Emsy's question we dont have to restrain her as when she gets sent to the naughty chair she knows she has been naughty and does site there until we tell her she can leave. What does happen is that she imeadiately says 'Sorry' and offers to give a 'Big cuddle and kiss' to the injured party, we always aknowledge that she has appolgised but she has to stay in splace until we decide she can get down (this usually makes her cry :-( ). She generally calms down after a bit of time out but if asked never seems to know why she did it. I sometimes worry that we expect to much of her when we ask why she did something but she act a lot older most of the time that it is easy too forget she is still only 2.5

Naughty chair does work, but sometimes its nice to know others are having the same problems and your child is not odd.

My sister has a 13yr old with asbergers so our problems do sort of pale by comparison but still its not nice to feel your child may become disliked.

Regards

daddyb

oops sorry about typos (at work, boss is on the rampage)

Please don't expect her to explain why she did things - she really doesn't know. Little children have very little control over their impulses - it's very hard for them to stop doing things they want to do. I think that time outs should be very, very brief at that age, and I personally would let her down the minute she calms and apologises. Try the ignoring. I genuinely find it a very, very useful technique. Ie when she hit out at you, just stand up and walk away, saying calmly 'We don't hit people and I don't play with girls who hit' and go away from her and read the paper or something. Her behaviour is not unusual and she will grow out of it. All two year olds are impulsive and sometimes violent IMO.

daddyb, we have to remind ourselves our dd is only 2.6 aswell. She is so articulate and grown up in some ways that we forget she's just a baby really

Love the dual discipline parenting weapon Angeliz - will be trying that one out next time we are together and DD seriously misbehaves. And when she has grown up a bit maybe we can both try it out on DP... who will be DH by then!

good luck waterbaby. My dd, i have found, can laugh in my face when i tell her something, but if we both tell her ............... out comes the lip!

I am with Aloha on this one. I had the same problem with ds, but it now seems to be passing. He hardly ever hit or bite other children anymore and seems to rapidly be developing empathy with others eventhough I think this is at a very early stage. Your daughter does sound quite mature for her age. My ds (2 yrs) would never even understand the concept of a naughty chair I don't think. I do wonder if it is too much to expect from your dd that she will explain the reason for her behaviour. I think Aloha is right in saying that she doesn't understand herself. Also children forget very quickly. I forgive and forget with both my children in seconds. I think it's a wonderful quality to learn. I am hoping that by putting things quickly behind me I will teach my children to be able to do the same. The worst kind is moody people who are always demanding explanation for every argument going. I prefer the more easy-going approach. Of course it is important to learn to explain things as a consequence of what you have done, but equally I think it important to think "oh well, that was a silly argument. Let's put it behind us".

my dd is 2.5 and going through the very thing she keeps telling us if the other children at nursery touch her toys she will duff them. She has also started useing the wordStupid alot which i hate, we have the naughty step but we founf that she would sit for a while and shout i'm done being naughty and give us a kiss and a cuddle. So we have started to walk away from her and ignore her when she says the word or hits out, it is true the more you tell them the more they have your attention and they may be 2 but how clever they are they know what buttons to push.