Help... I'm running out of patience!

[specialmagiclady]

I'd really like bathing and bedding my 4 and 6 year old darling boys to be a snuggly, sweet time where we get to wash off all the stresses and fights of the day and give each other sweet kisses.

But yet again, I have stormed out of there almost too angry to speak to them.

"Please will you get changed" I say, "ROOOOAAARRR! Fart in your face! Splat - whack - smacky bum bum smacky bum... sitting on your head!" they say and do.

"Please will you brush your teeth" I say "Woooooooooooooah! Light sabers! Crash bang wallop! Jump on the bed! Toothpaste up the bum!" they say and do.

I can see the funny side for one night. But night after night after night? I just want them to GO TO FUCKING BED!

I think I'm going to have to do them separately, but I single-parent Monday to Friday, work part time in a job that requires some homework, plus have a busy voluntary position. I just need them to do as they're told sometimes. For Chrissakes it's the same every night. Why do they have to act like it's something new and unexpected, like I'm asking them to do something so different??

Errr because they're 4 and 6 .

Can you detach from most of it and be really strict about certain things? This works generally for me, although mine are a bit younger.

They sound lovely by the way .

Because they are kids xxx I understand how frustrating it can be in their heads life is a game and is fun, in yours you have time restrictions and things to do.

Also know what its like with a DS who thinks bums/farts/burps etc is hysterically funny, and as a mummy it tires very quickly.

Ok firstly do you, after all this play, read stories to them? Or do they perhaps read to themselves? I would either say, before the bath, we need to be in bed by X time and if we aren't then no stories/reading time.... or a lesser amount of time spent doing the activity.
Another idea perhaps start bathing earlier or getting them out sooner....

Sorry I haven't any... ''this worked for me'' advice but I hope this gives you some help x

I do a lot of "here's what's happening next - if we muck around then there's less time for stories" etc. It's just that even if one of them is doing what he's told, the other one is trying to wrestle him to the ground. Gah!

Good advice to detach about most of it - that's really what I need to do, but I've built up from "Mummy doing everything for both of you" to "mostly we do everything ourselves" over a couple of years and they CAN do it. They just don't seem to want to right now. I don't really want to undo that hard work... But maybe I should just chill out. Maybe it's okay if I help my 4 year old put his pyjamas on (!) The only thing is, it seems that if I time that wrong I just get leapt on too and scratched/attacked - not necessarily angry, just overexcited.

I think I need to bath and bed them separately (they share a room but I'm beginning to think I need to split them up - gah more decorating!) so that I can do it quietly and at each of their own pace and give each of them valuable face time. But what do I do with the big one while the little one is bathing? How do I manage this on my own?

I'd be very tempted to bath them seperately. Can you let the 6yr old watch a bit of tv or read while you do the younger on? I'd happily leave my almost 6 yr old downstairs when I'm upstairs - but she's very good and her crazy brother is a different matter

Could you do a quiet activity like jigsaws or colouring in before bathtime so they wind down?

You are not alone.

It won't help, but you might like to order this to cheer yourself up:
Go the Fuck to Sleep

Thanks for your words of wisdom -

Bath time tonight - as every Wednesday - happened at the swimming pool. Quick shower, pop pjs on in the changing room and home for stories. It was really nice!

I periodically get like this and I usually have to just SOFTEN! Try to be more child-focussed and get less stuff done (AARRGH - lose control!) and be more fun.

(dh here, I'm not drinking alone!)

I think you need to buy this book: www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/1617750255

I saw a friend's copy - it is so, so funny!! It won't help BUT at least you realise there are many parents in the same position :)

Ok I have 2 boys -younger one only 1 thought - older one 5 -now watches tv downstairs while I bath/settle little one - then he has a shower - much quicker - also at 6 mostly likely he probably need a bit of a later bedtime

Hi - thanks for all your words of wisdom.

Split bathtime today and bedtime. Amazing. Everyone out cold by 8.15 - normally there are still thumps and high jinx well after 9 o'clock.

And I still love the children instead of losing patience and everyone getting fraught. Genius.

Doesn't even take much longer - only an hour to bath and bed them both, which is how long it takes to do it when I do them together. Put them in the same bath water, just topped up a bit of hot for DS1!

That said, DS2 not feeling very well so we'll see if it still works when he's on top bumhole-showing form!

Fantastic! Long may it continue

Great to hear about your progress.
Have you tried showers instead of baths? DD showers during the week - better for the planet :) ( and me) and has a bath on weekends only.