boys emotional health

[topkat29]

I have a theory I want to share and get some feedback. It's been my experience seeing a little 4-5 year old girl fall, skin her knees and cry most parents or care givers will pick the child up hug her and sooth her with reassuring words. But if the child is a boy and the same thing happens he is told to not cry to buck up and be a man. That only sissies cry. Now my theory is because for generation boys have been taught not to show or give in to their emotions and for generations men have been much more violent then women, they're more likely to abuse a spouse or girlfriend, there are more men in the prison and jail systems than women, etc.
Now would this be the case if boys were allowed as children to cry or express 'mushy' emotions instead of always being told 'boys don't cry'. And yes I do know testoterone plays a part in the way men deal with things.

I'm not sure that the reason men have historically been more violent than women, abusive to spouses or that there are more men in the prison & jail systems etc is as simplistic as they haven't been allowed to cry or express their emotions as children (or adults for that matter!) However, I do agree with that far too often boys are treated with the "buck up & be a man" line or sentiment when that is clearly not what the little boy needs for comfort, self-esteem, etc... and in those cases a little girl would probably get a comforting response.

My DH & I were discussing how boys & girls are treated differently the other evening. As parents of a healthy-sized 4mo boy, we were discussing how he is actually a sensitive wee soul and we need to make sure that sensitive side isn't disregarded as he gets older.

I think more positive male role models in boys' lives would bring the statistics of violence, substance abuse, jail etc, down. Unfortunately, these seem to be lacking in many young boys' lives both at home and at school.

I have a ds aged 4. If he fell and skinned his knees I would pick him up and cuddle him and most of my friends would do the same.

I'm told there is lots of research to show people talk differently to boys and girls, even when they are babies.

I have a very sensitive DS, and I can see if he had been born into a different family, his strong fight or flight response could have lead to him getting into lots of trouble, and yes possibly ending up in prison one day.

Yes, we have been laughed at for "namby-pambying", but it's what he needed at times.

Mind you, it seems to be a class thing, as there are a lot of men who have been sent to boarding schools from a young age, and had the stiff upper lip thing instilled into them, but don't end up in prison.

Where your theory falls down is that you assume that the taboo on male crying that was prevalent in Victorian times was equally common in earlier centuries. There is actually no evidence of this. I work with medieval texts and it's pretty obvious that men cry all the time. And are still responsible for a lot of violence.

If you go further back in time, the heroes of the Iliad and the Aeneid sob their hearts out- and chop heads off. I don't think anyone told little Roman boys they mustn't cry- but equally they were not told they mustn't beat the crap out of the rest of the known world.

The stiff upper lip is a limited historical phenomenon. Violence, sadly, is not.