Sexual behaviour in a (gulp) 5 year old girl......

[Loonytoonie]

Someone set me straight please.

I have a 5 and a half year old girl. She's fabulous. On the weekend, I noticed (when peeking into their room after bed-time to see if they were ok) that her and her 2 and a half year old sister were cuddled up in the same bed. They often do this at bedtime (they share a room). But this time, I noticed her kissing her little sister - mock snogging her. They were quietly giggling but I strode into the room and announced that it was late, and that they needed to get to sleep.

Tonight, at bedtime again, I was sat on my youngest's bed, whilst she fell asleep, and my 5 yr old had bunched up her duvet and was rocking. I didn't make any big deal of it, but it seemed pretty obvious that she was getting some sort of stimulation from it. I told her to get some sleep.

I do have issues about sexuality in the young but I know that these are personal to me and are my problems, so I don't want to project any of these hang ups onto her. The thing is, I just don't know how to handle this situation. I'm uncomfortable with what I've seen, but don't know how much of this discomfort is down to me and my issues....

Should I say something? I know it's not wrong for her to have these feelings, but how do I explain and discuss these things with a 5 yr old? HELP!

How do I handle this?!

Personally, I think as long as she is not pleasuring herself in company it is fine. If she does start masturbating in public, tell her gently it is a private thing and please confine it to a private place.

I think this is normal behavior, and I agree with kreecher about how to tackle it.

Yes, this seems perfectly normal to me. The 'snogging' though - has she seen someone do this on TV? I do think we all need to be careful about what they let their children watch.

Also, maybe you should try to deal with your 'issues'. It's a shame to let them sadden your life any longer than necessary. I suppose with two small children you don't have much time for yourself, but I think it might be a relief for you to try to deal with it? Good luck.

My dd is exactly the same with the rocking thing and often does it in the living room. I have often explained she should do it in her room and she has replied that it feels nice. I have found myself exasperated that I need to keep telling her it's fine to do it but it needs to be in private that I know I have used a harsher tone with her than I should. I would also appreciate any tips.

Thanks everyone. I'll follow your advice Kreecher, most definitely. It's a bit of a jolt back to reality when you realise that your children are developing sexual feelings, even if they don't know how to interpret them.

I'm not sure about help for me - I've filed certain events away and, apart from a few dark moments, they don't really affect things at all. As long as I can handle this normally and naturally for the sake of my little ones, then it'll stay filed away.

I'm sure this is a difficult topic for parents. If anyone has any more advice, I'll be grateful to hear from them. Thanks x

dd2 (at 7) knows she can't rub herself in public. it's been a long road.
dd1 didn't at all, so i found it quite alarming!

fwiw, my primary school teacher friend reports that it's not unusual to have to instigate a sudden game of simon says, with everyone putting their hands in the air/ jumping up and down/ hands in the AIR/ sit down, hands IN THE AIR when they get a whole room of 5 and 6 yos busy at it.

I can assure you this is totally normally. I have worked in primary schools for years and we contantly have this aged children rocking on chairs, rocking on the carpet, rubbing up against the climbing frame etc. It's just a stage they go through, you only need to stop her really if she's doing it out and about. Other than that I'd just distract her. If you see her doing it just find a job for her or a game to play etc etc.

It's a totally natural developmental phase that lots of children go through.

Hope that helps a bit

Thank you both, madwomanintheattic and NoTeaForMe* - this does help - an awful lot. I've decided that tell her next time (should I see her of course) that this is fine for private and that it's natural to feel nice, but that it's not ok do do this when others are around.

Re the kissing - I'm a little flummoxed by it to be honest. DH and I are not massively demonstrative towards one another - we hug and hold hands a lot, but I can honestly say that they've never seen 'snogging'. We are not TV watchers either and apart from kiddies DVD's , they're not exposed to stuff on tv. Is it fair of me to tell her that it's not right to try and kiss anyone like a grown up does, and it's especially not right to try that on her own little sister.

oops - not sure why only one name was highlighted - it was meant to highlight both. Equal thanks to you both for your advice.

Looney - I'm glad you are now reassured about the rubbing , it's really not so much developing sexual feelings now, babies will rub themselves if their nappies are off long enough! It just feels nice and no different to them than rubbing their arm might feel nice.

I'm actually suprised you haven't noticed more of that kind of thing before now. Bathtime can be interesting we had a barbie leg (attached to the barbie - not just a random leg!) that would go missing (amongst other things)... at which point I felt it necessary to have a bit of a chat about not putting things 'up there' holy waste of breath that was!! You just have to say it again and again in much the same tone as you would say not to put something in your ear

As for the kissing - it's probably something from school, someone with a teenage sister probably! It's harmless and as long as the little one doesn't mind, I'd just ignore it - it will be yesterdays news if ignored.

My 5 year old has started doing the kissing thing with her 16 month old sister!!! She hasn't seen anyone kissing in that way afaik!! Well she doesn't actually kiss, just makes her sister stick her tounge out and then puts her own tounge onto it!! Now everytime she asks her baby sis for a kiss, baby sticks her tounge out ready

My 2 yr old son does it - usually against car seat buckle or shopping trolley! Rather embarrassing when check out girl is laughing at his funny dance! Don't spend much time worrying about it though :)

Ah thanks everyone. At least your stories have made me instead of making me worried and over-analytical.

Am starting to think that (providing I keep applying logic and a hefty dose of Mumsnet reassurance) motherhood is going to be quite therapeutic for me (but not tonight because youngest is still galloping around upstairs and I'm tearing out what's left of mu hair because I have an impossible amount of uni work to do [scream emoticon].

Oh yes - they all seem to go through that 'hilarious' stage of wanting to stick their tongue in your mouth when they kiss you - it's just to get a reaction because they first time they do it they normally get a great reaction out of you!! Bleugh...

Ah send them over to me - they sound lovely :) I'll play, cuddle and read stories, you can study in peace [win/win]

ChippingIn How lovely you are!
Am on my way lol x