separation anxiety affecting bedtime- help!

[lulab75]

Hi there,
I am new to all this, but am at my wits' end. We have a 2yr old son who has always been an amazing sleeper, 7-7 since he was 4 months old, we've been very lucky so far. He has always been fairly sensitive, and also a bit clingy, but recently it has gone to another level. I had another baby 13 wks ago, and he has been very sweet with her since she came home. I am not sure if it is the realisation that she is staying, or he is picking up on my being anxious ( I am quite down at the moment following the birth) but he has started screaming for me at bedtime, it is taking us over an hour to get him to stop. We go up and down the stairs and try to say we are here and its bedtime, but he just screams for me, asking to come out, or 'mummy stay', it is heartbreaking and am not sure if this is major separation anxiety or something else. He goes to a childminder 2 days a week and has a lovely time - he just seems to play up with me. Plus now if he sees another child in the playground he just cries and clings to me. It is like he has lost all confidence and is scared. But at home he is boisterous, noisy and very naughty! He still has a nap from 1-2/2.30, but seems to need it, or should we drop this so he is really tired at bed?? Please help, is this just a phase? Any tips on how to get him to sleep like he used to? Thank you!

Can you stay with him til he falls asleep?

When mine have been through similar phases we have sat just outside their bedroom door while they fall asleep, usually just out of view but close enough to say 'shh, off to sleep now' or whatever. I read a book, DP plays with his Ipod. Would have fed a baby sometimes when DD was small. Seems much less hassle to me than traipsing back and forward and the kids would go to sleep quickly instead of dragging it out for ages. Only had to do this for a while.
Is he just 2 or 2 and a bit? It might be worth playing around with losing the nap and maybe an earlier bedtime, or he may need a nap some days but not every day.

This is sooo hard. Our LO is only 8.5 months but we've had a few difficult nights like this. It's difficult 'cos you do need to pop a head round the door or hold their hand to reassure them, but on the other hand, playing, singing, talking etc only keeps them awake for longer, plus they may start to think "if I cry, Mum/Dad will come and play with me/offer me milk". We could never do "controlled crying" as such, but I only go in every 4-5 minutes if she's screaming, then once she begins to quieten down and just moan a bit that usually means she is falling asleep and she'll be asleep in about 3 minutes after that, so going in to her at that point will only keep her awake and prolong the crying. I think you just have to persevere with the popping in every so often to pat/hold hand/say "time to go to sleep now" etc, but don't stay in the room long and don't go in again once it souinds like they are beginning to quieten as this usually makes them start up again! Hopefully after a week or so they get the message that you ARE there, but that is IS time to go to sleep and NOT time to play/have some milk etc. It seems to have worked well with ours (at the moment at least), and after about 4 days she is going to bed without much fuss at all now, but she's a lot younger. Even her daytime naps have improved though and they were always awful in the past, with 20-30 minutes of exhausting crying/me reassuring/more crying etc till she eventually went to sleep. Now if she cries at all its only a little moan for a couple of minutes.

My dd is 21 months and is terribly attached to me (she has additional needs as well) everytime I leave the room she screams "mama mama" full pelt! The only way she will settle at night is if my OH takes her. If I take her she kicks up a right stink and won't let me leave. Could you perhaps try this for a few nights and see what happens?

Thanks everyone, am counting down the minutes until he goes to bed, husband is going to try tonight, as he seems to play up more with me, will see!