My 3 year old is hitting/pushing his 1 year old sister...what can I do?

[Melly2011]

hi, I'm new to MN but am at my witts end...any advice greatly received!

My 3.5 year old DS is a happy, clever little chap and ADORES babies! All my friends say 'you are so lucky, he must be so sweet to his sister'...This sadly is not the case - while he adores his sister, often tells me that she is his best friend and clearly misses her when he goes to nursery or when we do something without her, he is just horrible to her when we are at home. He is so horrid that I do actually worry about her safety. She is crawling and standing but not walking and he pushes her over, hits her, kicks and stamps on her fingers 100's of times a day.

I am sure he is doing it for attention becuase when I am in the room they giggle away together and are totally sweet but as soon as I leave the room he is starts being fowl to her again.

I have tried 'the time out step' but he just giggles. I have tried putting him in his bedroom but he just opens the door and comes out and because of my DD I can't hold the door shut (should I put a lock on the door or is this really wrong?!), I have tried taking him to one side and talking to him but he knows he is wrong to hurt her as he has never hit, pushed etc another child (quite the opposite - he is the most caring and kind child ever) and I have tried being really scary and cross but again he just laughs!

Any ideas anyone? It is just so bornig and upsetting to see my normally lovely little boy being so horrible to his adorable little sister. Thanks!

I probably wouldn't leave them alone together at all sounds dangerous at miinute, don;t say why, just say because its nicer for mummy to see your games.

its unacceptable to behave like that, he must be aware of this. get a sticker chart and for each day he is nice, he gets a stcker0 5 he gets a surprise, ie chocolate biscuit.

if he does anything dangerous like you say, then immedialtely comfort the baby, when she is not crying, deal with him. tell him no, biting/ stamping etc is not allowed. put him in a chair in the corner out of sight and just keep putting him back until he stays on it. ignore giggling, at end, make him apologise to yu and her and also i suggest telling him through the day that if he bites/ hits (list it out) then he won't get ice cream for tea, or only water to drink until he behaves for a whole day, whatever he likes, use that.
make sure babstill gets treats , and you. more he cries, more he will behave next time

make sure baby knows she is safe, it must be difficult for her and scary! i wouldn't put her in a playpen to keep her safe, he must learn to behave nicely.

all this escaping and giggling- its a game for him and is disrectful! just put him back on the chair and ignore him. he might spend all dy going back and forth fromchair, but that is his choice as he is hurting her.

good luck,they sound lovely, just need to learn to play nicely!

Thank you blueberrysorbet!
All good advice...will put it to the test ASAP.
Thanks

Agree with making a fuss of the baby when she gets injured. Make a HUGE fuss of her, and ignore him completely.

If he's doing it for attention and it results in her getting more and him getting less, he'll soon catch on.

Good luck!

I think a sticker chart is a really good idea. It focusses on him and rewards him for good behaviour. I would call it something positive like Today I have played nicely with (sister). And make a big thing of the end-of-week reward for 7 stickers.

I think his behaviour shows that he wants your approval but is (naturally) jealous of his sister. He's also discovering his strength and testing boundaries. You are right not to tolerate it, but I also think you should be vigilant as you say, and keep him occupied, so he is more focussed on what he is doing than on his sister. Show him that you are spending time with him (even if his sister is in the room) - do things with him that she is too little to join in with?

If you decide you need to punish him, then short and sweet, ime. So I would persevere with time out, but make it clear that he can come in when he says sorry. Putting him in his bedroom, then making sure he stays there is what I tried to do with my three-year-old (when he was tantruming), but it was exhausting and time-consuming, and very upsetting for both of us. Maybe having a hook on the door, high up, would work - or is that a definite no-no?

Most children seem to love and hate their siblings, but ime it all comes out in the wash and love prevails! Good luck.