DS2 scared of chairs and I don't know what to do. ADVICE NEEDED!

[LPO]

This is a new one for me and I can't seem to find advice anywhere so am calling on MN mums to help!

DS is 2 and has been using a proper chair at the kitchen table for 6 months now, he sits there happily with no booster and it has never been a problem. I always sit with him and he is very happy.

The other day I was in the toilet and I heard a sudden bang. He'd climbed onto the chair and it had fallen over. No cuts or bruises, but it scared him.
That was Thursday. We are now on Wednesday and he still won't sit on a chair at all! It doesn't matter what chair or if his friends are on it or I bribe him with things, nothing works. He's been sitting on my knee to eat his lunch and dinner.
Today I got out his highchair to try him in that. He thought this was a great idea and was in it for about 2 minutes eating a pear and then suddenly freaked out. He has just gone to bed hungry.

I have told him he is a big boy and can't sit on my knee all the time. I don't want this to become a big thing and his think he has to always sit on my knee. I don't know if he's genuinely scared or playing up a bit now. Especially with the highchair, that seemed to be playing up to get the attention.

I really need some advice, please!

Like most behavioural issues this started with a genuine and traumatic event and now he is both remembering this and also reinforcing it with lots of nice attention from Mummy. If you are able to be really strong I would go back to what you normally do, set the table sit down to eat and give him calm, kind but direct information that this is how we eat meals and that he can sit up or sit on the stair (naughty spot, naughty chair or whatever you have in your house) and there won't be any food anywhere else (make sure he hasn't been snacking elsewhere). You are not being unreasonable and he won't be emotionally traumatised by it.Lots of cuddles separately from meals but not at the table...or he'll be back on you knee sooner than you can say chair. I f you are frazzled and feel unable to do it straight away have you got a play table and low chair in your house (or a coffee table and an upturned toy box......)? You could try meals at this table for a day or 2 short term but you will probably have to meet it head on eventually.

Thanks Joruth I tried the little play table but he refused to sit on that chair either.
I'm glad that I've had reassurance that I'm not being the worst mother in the world by starving him. I just don't know how to get it into his head that they are safe, even tried holding his hand etc. It just seems to be being made into such a big drama at meal times so he plays off that I think. Either that or he is really really scared. I don't know.

I don't think he's really really scared, he is feeding off the drama though...if you think of the number of other things he has fallen off/over/through in his life this is probably not really that big a deal...but I bet you came running fast when you heard the bang!!!!!......probably the first time in his life he is going to have to learn to put the rational mind over the emotional one and he'll only do it with your help. By the way he is absolutely at peak age for irrational fears...my 3rd daughter refused to walk on shiny floors at this age but bizzarrly was fine with a completely transparent glass staircase!

PS avoid drama and any extra attention at all if you can!!

After a hellish day with DS being in corner more than anything else he is now going to bed having not eaten ANYTHING. Oh the fun tomorrow will bring!!

stay strong! anything round food and drink brings out all our mummy emotions but he won't starve himself. Remember you are doing this for him not for you...he really really needs not to be scared of chairs! Hope you have a good night's sleep to begin the next round refreshed and ready to go....remember calm, calm, calm!Best wishes to you all.

DS has now refused to eat for over 24 hours. All he's had since yesterday breakfast is a cup of milk at bedtime and some water.
Even this morning when his little friends were here having biscuits at the table he still wouldn't go. How long can he starve himself for? At what point is it going to far and what do I do next?

He's currently trying to nap but moaning down the monitor.

Ah yes, 2 year olds........! He really really does need not to be scared of chairs doesn't he..so keep everything else completely normal, just be quite firm and clear that when everyone else is eating they are on the chairs and he needs to be too. You are not battling him, you are patiently and calmly teaching him...it will be fine, he really won't starve and he's drinking. But... if you're losing the will power and think you are communicating worry to him why not go out for a picnic tomorrow...the picnic rug is not scary for him (sometimes when my children are misbehaving at the table and I think I'm going to lose my cool I have been known to decamp to a rug in the garden so we can all start again). I really feel for you, it is much harder when everything is one on one...there's no distraction for you or him...so intense:(. I don't really see an option though, he's got to be able to sit at a table and he will see through most tricks...any friends nearby or grandparents who could take the strain for a meal and show that the chair message is universal? Could try a sticker approach but he's possibly a bit little...if you are feeling creative you could do a treasure trail ( do you have a garden?) get him following a trail of paper paw prints from 2 chairs which you dress up as a your bed and his bed with a pillow and rug or duvet (maybe read we're going on a bear hunt??) make some obstacles out of a washing up bowl of water (the river) to splash through, something green (sheet/cushion/cloth?) for the grass, toy boxes or brooms for the forest and use chairs lying down or upside down (not the right way up) to crawl over or through at some point for a hill at the end put a teddy (or dinosaur if h;'s keen on those) to be the found bear and have a race back to the safe chair with him but leave it to him whether he climbs onto the chair or not...and make no comment whether he does or not...it might work if you're a good actress and he's willing....thinking of you....good luck

Hi Joruth
I thought I'd let you know how things have been going..
His cot has now been put away. And after a few days of screaming and then passing out in front of his bedroom door, last night and today he was happy to go to bed, but still didn't want to be on his bed so curled up on the floor next to it and I put him in his bed when we went up. I guess it will just take time for him to get comfortable with it.

As for the chair, this afternoon we had a break through, a little one, but a break through non the less. I've put his little table and chairs in the kitchen and been telling him to have his dinner standing next to it but that if he wanted to be a good boy he could sit on his chair. This afternoon he did just that, out of the blew just sat on it. He still doesn't want to go on the big chair, but was very pleased with himself for going on the little chair, and got lots of praise for it.!

Thanks for all your advice, you have been a great help!!!!!!! Will keep you informed.

Brilliant.!well done for persevering! Not easy when your whole life becomes dominated by one issue. Hopefully he'll keep on progressing and you can get back to normal. Thanks for letting me know how you're doing.