correcting speech/grammar/manners?

[familyfun]

im not sure what to correct, what to ignore and what to agree but repeat correctly.
dd is 3.10, very emotional at the moment and clingy partly due to new sister and i do not want her to lose confidence/self esteem from being corrected too much. we live in black country so have an accent and some people say things differently here but i want dd to know how to talk/write.

"i want a drink" i tell her calmly to ask nicely and she then says "please can i have a drink"

"one of them", i ignore this but gps always say to her "one of those" and my dad actually says "no you cant say one of them its one of those".

"you was walking", i find this hard as if i say "oh yes i was walking" then she doesnt understand she has made a mistake but if i say "you were walking" she gets confused saying you not me. she always says i were/you was wrong.

gps again, if they say to dd would you like a drink she says "yes please", sometimes she misses the please and they remind her fair enough, then they say water or milk and she says "i like milk best" and again they remind her to say please, i dont think another please is necessary as she has imo answered politely?

finally
when dd is role playing with us all she will say "i am a fairy and you are the godmother and he is the prince and she is the queen" pointing to us one by one, i have no problem with this but gps pull her up saying you mustnt say he you must say grandad, you musnt say she you must say nan. but i dont think she is saying it in a rude way she is just realising who is a he/she/i/you.

i am aware that they deserve to be spoken to politely but i dont want dd to feel like she cant talk freely.

lately when dd has said words in her accent people have repeated the word over emphasising the accent sort of mimicking her and i think im within my rights to tell them to stop it as it is rude/bullying a child.

opinions please

'I want a drink' - your response seems fine
'one of them' - just repeat back 'you want one of those'
'you was walking' - don't worry too much, just say the right thing and she'll pick up on it eventually

the please thing - I think is unneccessary but have seen lots of the older generation insisitng on another please, I think she'll work out soon enough that some peopile need you to be extra polite

Do your DDs grandparents live with you or care for her more than a couple of hours a week? If they do I think I'd try to have a chat about sticking with your rules on speech and manners. Otherwise, try to ignore it, as I said earlier she'll learn there are different rules for different people/places.

I think the old people being offended at he/she is a generational thing. I remember when I was little various old relatives would say "she is the cat's mother" if I ever said it. I think because it is quite rude to refer to someone as he/she when they are actually present!

But it's not something I would hugely stress about, or tbh any of the absolutely normal language development errors. I think you'll find they will iron themselves out with nursery/school/tv etc.

Insist on the please and thank you and point out it's nicer to name the person when they are present, and don't worry about the rest. (you was walking is a typical language error, because the "was" belongs to the most important person "I" , it gets learned and applied incorrectly but soon sorts itself out.)

sounds like you're doing fine.

i think all those things will develop in time and she will get the hang of saying sentences correctly. to encourage this you can every so often just lightly/nicely say the correct way but don't expect her to repeat it. don't make an issue about it and if it's upsetting her don't bother correcting at all. i do think saying please and thankyou is a must though.

I think the thing to remember is that children learn most from what they see not what they're told.

She will in time pick up all the necessary social skills and politenesses, just from observing the adults in her life, assuming that they are polite themselves.

I also think it's really important to be polite TO children, I have seen parents tell their child "say please" then with the next breath they say something like "DD, take that to the other room" without a please or thank you at all.

I didn't prompt my ds at all with pleases and thank you's when he was tiny, I thanked the person myself. He very soon picked it up.

His first report from school mentioned that he had 'impeccable manners' which I think was a vindication of the non training approach!

I would probably correct in the way of "I want one of them" "oh, ok you would like one of those would you?" but nothing too obvious as a correction tbh.

As I say, she is learning every day from listening to you anyway. I think you're right not to want to undermine her confidence by correcting all the time too obviously. You sound a lovely mum!

She is only three! I think GPs are being a bit stricter than I would be inclined to tolerate. Simply correcting her grammar is enough.

I wouldn't correct the grammar, she is learning. Just repeat it the right way. Where as please and thank you, it's up to you. I insist on it consistantly but my 5 year old still says 'i want juice!; so it's a long journey!

thank you all for replies, no gps dont live with us and dont look after dd for me, we see them once a week for an hour or so.
i have spoken to my mom and explained that dd is very touchy/teary at the moment and so i dont want her corrected every time she speaks although i will encourage good manners.
problem is, because we live in the black country, lots of kids at school and adults she sees like neighbours and ils say things grammatically wrong so she hears it wrong a lot. ils say what was you doing etc. i will just say it right (when i know) and hope she follows suit eventually.
imo she is quite polite but forgets when excited.