toddler tantrums - what to do about it?

[Yogamummy1]

My little boy is about to turn 2. He is a very well behaved lovely and pleasant little boy. However he is throwing some major tantrums - perhaps one or two per day. I suspect this is normal for his age, but i'm not sure what i should do about it.

We dont want to smack him, which is what our parents would have done - nor do i want to stand shouting at him in the super market! but he doesn't seem to pay attention to me or his dad telling him firmly to calm down or stop screaming, etc. he doesnt yet have strong enough language skills to reason with him either. Half of the time we dont really know what he is kicking off about.

I suspect the cause is his age, frustration that he can't express himself verbally, and arrival of a new little brother (only 3 weeks old) is likely to be a major factor too. I am trying my hardest to give him the same cuddles and love he had before and keeping his routine on an even keel. Distraction works sometimes. I've tried ignoring tantrums in the past but this seemed to make it worse. His eating and bedtime and other usual activities are not changed, its just I dont know how to react to these tantrums. (obviously other than feel stressed, awkward and rubbish!)

what do others do in these situations? I would appreciate your advice.

1. try to understand the problem/emotion
2. pick him up/get down to his level - this is really important IME
3. QUICK distraction 'oh LOOK THERE'S A SPIDER!' if necessary or
4. comfort/sympathise 'h i know, you really want a biscuit bla bla, would you like a banana?
5. and talk about something else.

Every single parent has been there. The 'looks' you'll get in the supermarket will be 'oh thank god, that's not mine today'

ps congrats on the baby. It's hard. Ds2 is 3mths and the other two are thrown. it does get better

Thanks, that's a nice message and useful tips which I will put into practice! X

DDs are 16 months apart (eldest is nearly 4 now), and I think the new baby is likely to have thrown him but it really does get better and it's lovely to have them so close in age when they're big enough to play together properly. We made a huge effort to pile the attention and love onto DD1 when DD2 was born - she never asked for a little sister (and was too young to see it coming). I got a book called Toddler Taming which I think is excellent and well worth a read.

But distraction and ignoring them are key, and also sticking to your guns. It might not be an issue now but if he wants a biscuit and you say no, then he kicks off and gets one you're setting yourself up for years of tantrums (you might be amazing at that already but it's so hard, especially when you're totally knackered...)

The other thing is to try and see the funny side when it all goes horribly wrong. Don't laugh at them (children really hate it and it only makes it worse) but if you can take a deep breath and see how ridiculous it all is then it might help a bit?!

Good luck!

in addition to trying to see funny side, there is nothing wrong with keeping things silly. Try to remember the goal, and don't get hung up on being strict or horrible. Be nice. Have posted many times about tantrums and playful parenting etc (am mum of two - inc one v stroppy toddler - and teacher of challenging kids) but in short

kid: want biscuit'
adult: no! it's 7am. No biscuit
kid: want biscuit WAAAAHHH
adult: no. NO.
etc

kid: want biscuit
adult (laughing) you want a biscuit now? it's 7am. it's breakfast time.
kid: want biscuit
adult:hee , wouldn't it be fun if we could have biscuits for breakfast - hundreds of biscuits. look here's hundreds of pretend biscuits -MUNCH
kid: giggle
adult: gets breakfast - do you want cornflakes or weetabix.

The goal is the same - neither kid got a biscuit!! But the second scenario much happier. IMO (and experience) your little one is not too young to try similar...

Read How to Talk so Kids will Listen and playful Parenting. (or search for threads on these for examples). It's hard when you are tired - i do too much first scenario at the mo -but it does work.

I agree with everything Adair says.

Ha, and just to emphasise that it happens to every parent: I took ds home slightly early from toy library today after he kicked a chair and wouldn't pick it up. He cried/yelled/noisied I WANNA GO TOY LIBRARY all the way home. Tbh i am knackered. couldn't be arsed with all the techniques today so just ignored him. Didn't really work but managed not to get stressed. Eventually, I did the 'LOOk! can you see a red car? ooh i think i saw a pink car with... yellow spots' thing to get him out of his loop. Dd never really did that, ds is just NOISY.

make sure you play with him and give him lots of attention when he is being good. try and make him feel as secure as possible. give as little attention as poss when he is being naughty.

walk away if he is kicking off. leave the room and go relax in the garden? he wants an audience to play to.

distraction is worth a try.

being silly and over the top is worth a try.

tell him to stop and ask him to tell you calmly what the problem is. if he fails to do this count to three and then put him on a step for 2 mins if he is mid tantrum. if he gets off step put him in a boring room for 3 mins or until he is calm. after have a brief discussion and then move on. do this for a week and you should have some success.

Thanks everybody! A new baby seems like a walk in the park compared to a toddler! But good advice for me to try! Thanks again

Have a tantrum back. when they're a bit older hit them with a yellow pages (It won't bruise)

Grandmaforlife, that really makes me chuckle! Ha ha!