dd 3.10, over emotional?

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I am having trouble with dd as she tantrums and screams and shouts but she also seems very emotional, she is always on the verge of tears and now her nursery are commenting she seems teary a lot.
she still can be clingy going in and hides behind me or dawdles infront of the pram so noone can get in, then on the way out she hides her face behind her bookbag and dawdles out holding everyone up. when her dad comes home she literally attahces herself to him and drags around and sits on his lap all the time. she cries when he goes to work. she cries for hugs all the time, like in the middle of dinner. she cries at swimming lesson cos she wants a hug. she cries if we shout at her but after asking her nicely to get washed and then telling her and then bundling her into the bathroom i end up shouting and then she cries again. she screams and shouts about bathtime, last wee and bedtime crying every night.
she seems anxious about wetting herself even though she was potty trained at 22 months and keeps saying her pants are wet when they arent, at home and school.
she wants someone with ehr all the time and at playgroups she still hangs round me. but at softplay or park she is off like a whippet making friends.
she whines instead of asking for things or cries for a drinktoilet even though she has good clear langauge.
i am worried about her, i feel like emotionally she seems a lot younbger than her peers.
she has a baby sister 6 months who she kisses cuddles and loves but she can get jealous but we always include her.
help

your DD sounds very much like my own DD who is 3.11yrs

for me, the '3 year' has been way more stressful than the 'terrible twos'.

for my DD at least, i think the 'pressure' of knowing she is going up to 'big school' plays on her mind......we play this down as much as possible, and are still thinking of deferring her school start or putting her in p/t for a while.

have a word with her key worker at nursery, see if anything is troubling her?

DD is having lots of conversations lately about what happens to her if we leave her another part of her learning that she is NOT the centre of the universe, perhaps?

i know this is trotted out all the time, but it does get better different

dd seems to be on the extremes of emotions, like when she is happy she runs around like a mad thing bouncing around and cant seem to stop herself till she falls and ends up crying or ends up shouted at. then when she is mad she souts and shouts and when anyhting doesnt go her way her lip is trembling.
im worried she isnt a happy child

My dd was similar at 3. I found the best way to deal with it was to remain calm at all times, always hug her whenever she wanted, offer loads of reassurance, take her worries seriously (however mad), until eventually she felt secure and safe enough to gradually be a bit more indepoendent.

I think when you have another baby (same for me), you forget the first is still really a baby as they seem so big in comparison.

im trying not to treat her too old, aspecially as her language is good so sometimes talks older iykwim.
its hard not to get frustrated with her when her friends run out of school chattering and she creeps out hiding her face and taking forever. or when she wants us to take her to the toilet when we know she can cope alone.
yes she is only 3 and i suppose still a baby but she needs so much reasurance. i hug and kiss her and tell her i love her all the time but when im eating my dinner and holding/feeding dd2 and dd1 keeps asking for a hug it drives me mad and after a while i admit i say no more hugs till after dinner, maybe this is wrong?

I know it's really difficult when you have the baby as well! Have you tried saying things like, goodness, babies are a bit of a nuisance aren't they? But one day she'll be bigger and you'll have fun together. Why don't you sit really close to me and then after dinner we'll have the biggest hug in th eworld for as long as you want. I think she's feeling a bit lost with the new baby.

My ds never wanted to go to playgroup once dd arrived in case he was missing out.

Was she like this before her sister came along?

she has always been v clingy and cried easily but the hug requests are since baby and its understandable but not easy to be patient when im changing a poopy bum and dd1 is clinging to my back crying for a drink.

took dd to nursery and teacher said she was crying yesterday on and off fr no real reason, then when i collected her she had cried about where she was sitting and cried when she fell over and then she cried all the way home as she wanted to hug her daddy (who was at work). at home she has cried as her nose was running and then cried as she didnt want a bath incase her cut knee hurt.
in the bath i tried to talk to her and she said she doesnt like nursery anymore as she misses me and her dad too much and there are mean children there and its boring going everyday and she wants to stay home.
we have made a plan to put a note in her coat pocket saying i love her so she knows its there and also to have a choc button before she goes in which i will kiss so she has a kiss in her tummy (we did this every day for the first half term and it helped then) but she was crying thinking about going.
she loves her teachers and her 3 friends there but she gets so sad.

It's great that you talked. I have to say that my dc hated all nurseries. Does she go every day? Could she stay home say two days? It sounds like she is finding everything just too much at the moment and she is still very young.

Another thing I used to do (to persuade dd to go to school) is promise to meet her with a treat, a gingerbread man or something. That helped.

I didn't have any new advice (sorry) but I do agree it sounds like she is feeling left out (whether you are or not) she is feeling it) and I think just by keep reassuring she will eventually realise she isn't losing you. My DD is 3.4yrs and DS2 is 14 months and DD did go through a stage of wanting attention or things every time I was feeding or doing something with/for DS2 it did soon pass but whilst it was occuring it was very stressful.

I do love the kiss in her tummy idea, my DD starts pre school in september and I love the idea she can keep me with her whilst at school so thank you for that xxx

dp thinks its all linked to feeling jealous. she is so nice to her sister and rushes to see her, its just her behaviour to us and the crying.
going to make an effort to be super calm and super reassuring and see how it works but not sure how to get ehr to cooperate without shouting as she just does her own thing like carry on reading when asked to get ready

Getting ready and cooperating is a new issue... this is a normal 3 year old behaviour :) I found making things a race works (sometimes) or saying things like I bet you can't do..... what ever she wants to prove me wrong... again sometimes.... nothing is a perfect answer and its what keeps us on our toes x

thanks mlk, i hope its normal 3 year old stuff, im seriously worrying there is something wrong with her the way she swings from nice to awful in a second.

Well if there is something wrong with her my DD needs help too :)

Today I asked what she wanted for breakfast she said weetabix (she hasn't eaten that for weeks) I said are you sure... she said yes weetabix and banana... I showed her the box and said weetabix not coco pops? Showed both boxes she said weetabix.... I made it put it on the table and she dropped to the floor sobbing and screaming she wanted coco pops! Honestly how do you control that from happening?

3 yr olds are hell. It all improves when they hit four because they start to understand bribery. So much easier.

the more you say, OP, the more i agree it's normal 3yr old stuff to me too.

my 'D'D cried (like a howling wolf) last night because as she was pissing about getting into bed i stopped her from cracking her head off the headboard...she didn't want any help getting into bed, 'I'M A BIG GIRL......................wwwwaaaaaahhhh!'

I've got a 3.10 year old and a baby. I could have written pretty much every post here!

I think they don't have to be jealous to fine new baby stuff hard. If there's no jealousy there's still a huge shift in attention levels, playing, priorities ("you can have a drink as soon as I've changed this nappy" replaces the instant agreements they're used to) and the whole emphasis on them being big boys/girls, when really they aren't, is extra pressure on them.

Tiredness is also a huge thing for us - tiredness = hyper, injury-prone, tearful, emotional, unable or unwilling to listen, thrawn and generally infuriating. I have reintroduced naps for DS on bad days - he resists but once asleep will not wake for hours and hours so obviously needs the rest.

I have a rule that DS can always have a cuddle. I really stuck to it and made it very clear to him that they would always be freely given, he just has to ask. He doesn't abuse it. It also gives me a heads up if he's struggling because he asks for more cuddles.

I agree that 3 pisses all over 2 in the hard work stakes. Roll on 4!

Also, just wanted to say I think it's important that sometimes they see that the baby has to wait. So if DS is having histrionics because he's hurt his hair or whatever, even though it's obviously silly to me it's really not silly to him and I'll stifle the irritation and leave the baby crying for a minute to give him a bit of attention. Otherwise how are they supposed to believe they're as important as their sibling?

thanks just read all replies, i have been determinedly calm and made a big effort with dd1, she loved the note in her pocket and her kisses in her tummy and said she had a happier day at school and she ran out and jumped into my arms which was so lovely i nearly cried myself dont know where she gets the over emotional from
she has been good and spoke happily about school and went to bed without any fuss.
its strange as her dad is out tonight so ive been on my own with them and dd1 has acted like my little helper holding her sister in the bath and washing her and fetching me her bedtime stuff and went to sleep after cuddles in bed with her sis and me and she hasnt cried or fussed or tantrummed. but when dp is here mostly 6 nights a week dd1 acts much more fussy, cries more, clings more, she seems far more jealous and unhappy when he is here. she loves her dad so much that i think she is more jealous of him and dd2.
its not her naughtiness/tantrumming that makes me worry wbout her, i know most of her friends do the same, its the crying/clinging/weepiness that made me worry she was over anxious or something.

I love your ideas about the note in the pocket and the kisses in her tummy!!

I think also that it's great that she can express herself so well. I get absolutely no information from my ds about school whatsoever (he's 3.11).

I have a 6 month old and while he does love her, he definitely finds it difficult while she's around. He asked me yesterday if she was going to be here everyday!

He's going through a difficult time and I worry so much about him not being happy. He worries about everything. Death is his particular worry at the moment.

oh she expresses herself loud and clear
yes dd seems to worry too, she cried at her swimming lesson friday and got out before the end and said she doesnt want to go, its a shame as she is doing well and might forget what she has learned if she stops going and we have paid for the term out of her money so its a waste.
had a good weekend really, brought back the naughty step which i have only had to use twice all weekend.
but today her dad went to sleep and she cried and screamed as i wouldnt let her go to him and wake him and nothing would stop her crying.

oh some of this is so familiar. i have a DS who is actually 4.10, but he is over emotional. he cries at everything. and then when he is happy he flaps his arms and jumps up and down like a baby bird. when something goes wrong in the morning (the required pants aren't in the drawer, or there are only red school polos left, no white ones), he starts crying and everything spirals from there. the whole world crumbles around him and the sky starts falling on his head. i have no idea where he gets that from . but it is so hard to know what to do to support / stop it from happening.

his language is fantastic; his comprehension is amazing. but he is a worrier. and he experiences all the extremes of emotion. it is quite terrifying to see sometimes. and he is very VERY loud...

yes i was fetching the washing in the other day while dp tried to wrestle dd into the bath and i could hear her screams from the bottom of the garden and it sounded awful, so loud as though she was really distressed
she didnt actually cry when i dropped her off today but she had her "brave" face on and climbed on teachers lap.

what a nightmare.
yesterday dd was good all day till dinner time when she suddenly changed. she kept kneeling up on her chair , dropping dinner down her dress, kicking her chairback, scratching her knife on the table, wiping her hands down the chairs, getting down, needing a wee, needing a drink, in a different cup etc etc. i tried ignoring but she drives me to distraction. i finished my dinner, then got dd2s dinner and fed her and dd1 was still sitting there messing about but when i told her i was putting dinner in the bin after an hour she had a meltdown and i told her off.
then we had screaming and fighting at bathtime, wouldnt get in, wouldnt get out, etc etc.
horrible night, dd1 then woke 6 times having nightmares and needing hugs so we are all knackered.
this morning dd hid from me when i asked her to come to the bathroom for a wash, i found her in the spare room and she refused to move so i dragged her to the bathroom, then she refused to take her nightee off so i had to pull it off, then she wouldnt get dressed so i dressed her. she wouldnt eat breakfast so she has gone to school hungry andshe wouldnt stand to haveher hair done so ive left it a mess. i shouted/explained/reasoned and finally to my shame i cried this morning.
i hate mornings, i hate dinnertime, i hate bedtime and tbh im not enjoying this.