lying

[skybluepearl]

my two year old has started to lie - just small things - for example saying my 8 year old has stuck her toungue out when he hasn't. really not sure how to respond. we are very calm if he spills/damages anything - so she will always come and tell us. but lying about pushing/sticking toungues out really upsets my 8 year old. he was in tears tonight. sometimes my 8 year old will have brushed past 2 year old but 2 year old will interprete this as a push. any suggestions? they get on well most of the time. 2 year old has a great imagination and is very able verbally.

My honest un-fluffy opinion: He's two years old and therefore completely and utterly incapable of being able to distinguish truth from fiction. If any two year old can, it's merely a fluke! He is also behaving like any two year old does - they are natural inquisitors and want to experiment about spilling things or pushing things over. Encourage this side of it, he's TWO. He can learn about boundaries by all means and about the importance of not dropping your best china and glasswear. But let him make a mess and spill things outside without someone telling on him all the time.

Ignore the "lying" because it isn't that at all and put yourself in your toddler's shoes and see if you'd like the way your wishes and needs and superseded by an older sibling and adult's wishes.

Your post struck a nerve as I have an eight year old and a two year old.

thanks for responding cordy. we are a very laid back couple and never mind when there are spills or accidents. we always take the 'oh well, never mind approach' rather than make an issue out of things. although the 8 year old is capable, we don't tend to let him take responsibility for the younger one. he might do on odd occassions but it's rare as i know it can cause a little tension. i do agree that the line between fiction and reality is very blurred with my 2 year old though and really doesn't know that he is lying. his imagination is wild at the best of times and i think things can seen quite real to him. it's fine when he's saying that our cat drove his police car round the lounge but when stories involve my 8 year old the 8 year old gets upset
. will try ignoring stories but i have a feeling the 8 year old will remain upset at being accused of something he didn't do.

errr.... no! a child IS able to distinguish right from wrong, from a much much earlier stage. A 2 year old CAN lie. Bloody nora.... what planet are we all on!

Please please do not underestimate what your child is capable of, from achieving milestones, to doing something kind and doing something spiteful etc.

Whilst the child might not understand the consequences, he\she DOES understand right from wrong. I am sure from birth, you have been teaching your child awareness of dangers, what is good, what is bad, along with praising and scolding.

Your child is no different to any other 2 year old. Other than being very proud and wanting the utmost best for your child, he\she is cababple of many things at things this age, and causing mischief is top of the list LOL

I'm going to watch this thread as I'm having very similar issues with my 2.5 year old DS. He fairly often comes to me saying that his sister has hit him/pushed him or that she has taken his toy away from him. His sister then ususally gets upset and tells me this isn't true. In my DS's case I think he is just copying his sister - she is a bit of a tell tale and reports any bad behaviour from her brother straight to me! I certainly dont think he understands the emotional consequences of what he is saying e.g. his sister getting in trouble and ending up in tears. I think he may be aware that if I believe him there may be a bit of fuss with his sister being put on the naughty mat etc, so maybe there is an element of attention seeking going on.

I'm not sure however if he really does understand what lying is. My DD who is 4 lies to me on occasion and I can see a complete difference when she does it, as she is obviously doing it for a reason (to pass the blame or escape a telling off for example). She generally always knows what she is doing when she does it, and (hopefully) knows it is wrong. I not convinced that my son understands the whole concept.

Sorry that probably didn't help, as I'm not sure what to do about the lying. I've tried to tell my DS that saying things that are untrue is naughty, but I dont think he "gets it"....

mmm... my 8 year old tells the odd lie too and so i wonder if 2 year old is copying. sat them both down this morning and had a chat. think most of it went over 2 year olds head but if i can get 8 year old to tow the line then maybe the 2 year old might copy.

decided to use time out for obvious lies for both of them and also plan to reward older child for two weeks without a lie and younger child for reducing amont of lies. treat will be first meal at mc donalds. son initially told me he had heard the food was awful but i promised he would enjoy!! 8 year old has already owned up to knowing where something was today. a good start. 2 year old is clever and so i expect he might catch on to a certain degree.

I have the same dynamic with 8 year old DD and 3 year old DS. But I think you have to be careful about interpreting it as the younger one lying. Like the situation you described where the older one 'brushes' the younger one, and the younger one says it was a push and the older one denies. This is based on an actual incident experienced differently by two different people, rather than something totally made up, maybe what feels like a brush to the older one does feel like more to the younger one, it doesn't mean either one is lying.

i agree pony. i just hope we get through thie stage quickly. so far the reward thing seems to be working.