The terrible 4s??? do they exist??

[WomanwiththeYellowHat]

My DD has just turned 4 and her behaviour seems to have fallen off a cliff! SHe is a delight at her preschool, extremely articulate and bright and loves the environment, she is also a delight for her nanny. I am the only one who seems to bear the brunt of the moods (and my DH and Mum when she is around, so I don't think it is a personal thing against me).

She basically seems to experience the most enormous mood swings, so she can wake up happy but then dissolve into screaming shouty tears for no reason (eg going to preschool, not going to preschool depending on the day of the week - it is as if she is just looking for a reason to scream every morning). Overall, I just find the crying both physically and emotionally draining.

Her sister is 2 and I suspect part of it is caused by her sister (previously a very colicky, cry-y baby) blossoming and suddenly chattering away and potty traing etc, doing all kinds of grown up things etc).

At the moment, we put her on the naughty step, send her to her room, remove treats etc but, TBH, by the time she is in the screaming, nothing really works as she is past rational negotiation so she can't control herself. I am not looking for magic bullet solutions, really, I just find it frustrating that she is SO well behaved in preschool and with her nanny (1.5 days a week) and can be so awful the rest of the time (although she can also, obviously, be an absolute delight, it is just the unpredictability of it that is so wearing).

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Yup. Very familiar.

DS turned 4 in December. He can have the most amazing tantrums. One minute he is smiling thr next he is screaming. 5 minutes later he is all nice again.

You're right it has coincided with his little sister becoming more "human" no longer a tiny baby but a person that chatters away and has her own opinions and decisions.

I'm trying to ride it out, ignoring the bad, praising the good, hope to god it's just phrase.

yep. ds did this, he is an only. it is a phase it will pass, however in the mean time you will need and space for you. even if it is five minutes in the evening with a

Thank you for responding - at least I know it isn 't just us!

Could be my ds. We have narrowed it down to low blood sugar. Not sure whether he needs to go to the dr but we can virtually see the moods/screams etc coming and just need to get food into him. Meals/snacks every 2 hours max helps. Good luck

Never thought of that nocluemum. Might keep an eye out to see if there are any patterns.

Is she due to start school in September? My (extremely wise) nursery/pre-school manager warned all of us parents about this exact behaviour - perfect behaviour at pre-school and with others, nightmare at home, etc.

She says that in her years of experience seeing children make the transition, this is a really common complaint of parents. It's a sign that they are adjusting to increasing levels of independence and responsibility and living up to expectations. But because they are only little still, it's hard work for them to do it, so once they are back with mum and dad (or anyone else who they know loves them unconditionally) their behaviour nosedives. She says it's normal and nothing to worry about. Make sure you really reward good behaviour and ignore (as much as you can) the bad behaviour. Natural consequences are better than punishments (e.g. if she refuses to wear her coat in the rain, let her get cold and wet rather than argue with her).

HTH. If it makes you feel better, my DD (also 4 and due to go to school this September) had a battle of wills with me this morning that lasted a whole half an hour before she gave in!

Thank you all again. She is due to start in September and takes the whole thing quite seriously. her preschool is quite structured and they have little 'classes' etc which she loves, but I can see her starting to become a bit more aware, so it would make sense that she is tired with it.

I vaguely remembered seeing something similar on MN at some point (no doubt when she was 3 and I thought it would never happen to us !)

I will also try the blood sugar thing, as I think that might not be helping!

Yes, normal.

My son saves this behaviour for me and me alone. Lovely isn't it! And yes, it's hard work trying so hard at "school" they are bound to collapse....sometimes DS kicks off at tiniest thing (like when he was 2), but I've realised it's a control thing- not much control at school- have to do as your told, so when back at home... I'm trying to give him a bit of leeway (when reasonable to do so) and not dig my heels in and be as stubborn as him .

My DS 4.5 is the same, glad i'm not alone. His behaviour seems particularly bad at the moment- fighting with his sister (2), not listening, not doing as he's told. I feel like i'm constantly telling him off. I put it down to the fact that he's bored and ready for school and a new challenge. I'm hoping it will improve come September.

sounds familiar
dd1 was a really relaxed, placid child until the day she turned 4. she is now a stroppy, moody, slightly anxious mini-teen.
however, her behaviour at preschool is so good that her keyworker can't believe we even have a naughty step, as "surely it never gets used?"

like everyone else, I'm hoping that the excitement and challenges of school will go a little way towards helping change things.