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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

When did you stop Gina Fording your child? I think PFB needs a change...

18 replies

libbyssister · 13/05/2011 22:30

Ok, don't laugh but I'm wondering when you ditched the whole tea at 5, bath at 6, bed by 7 thing set out in Gina Ford?

This is NOT a discussion about the merits of GF. We simply found that it worked for us when finding our feet with DS1.

We now have three DSs aged 6, 2.5 and 10m. Now we don't follow any routine particularly but the tea, bed, bath thing has stuck. But when do you stop?! It works like dream (mostly) with DS 2&3. But in the last few months our DS1 has turned those few hours into a battleground. Teatime is generally ok but he's not keen to get into the bath promptly (and does he really need a bath every night?!), preferring to play in his room, look at books and generally ignore our nagging. When he does finally get in the bath, his brothers are getting out and settling down for milk or stories and sleep. DS1 is fairly patient but then wants to be read a story and then the whole bloody "I'm not tired/I'm hungry/I'm thirsty/I need a wee" routine starts, together with padding around, reading by torchlight, singing, etc etc. This is going on for longer and longer and now lasts about 90mins with him going to sleep around 9pm.

It's driving me bloody mad! He is clearly tired, bloodshot eyes, yawning etc. And I'm frustrated because I want him to get some rest and I want to relax and start my evening. Maybe if we let out his leash a bit he'll be happier to do as he's told? Maybe he'll feel like he's getting a bit more attention/special treatment and will stop playing up to get it?

Any advice for this period of transition?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Tgger · 13/05/2011 22:46

Well, we are still doing the tea, bath, bed but oldest is only 4.5 .

Sounds like your eldest needs a slightly later and maybe more "grown up" routine now. My nephew who's 7 goes to bed at more like 8 after either watching some more grown up telly or playing/reading with his Dad.

Maybe some others with older children will have words of wisdom!

edam · 13/05/2011 23:06

Blimey, you are still trying to fit your 6yo into a baby's bedtime routine? Tea, bath and bed is a good sequence but 7pm is too early for most 6yos - and certainly for yours from the description. Think my ds was going to bed at 8pm just over a year ago, more like 8.30 now he's nearly 8.

Let your ds1 play in his room and read, but talk to him about setting up a new routine and how his new later bedtime for big boys will fit in with his little brothers. And no, he doesn't need a bath every night - mine has a bath about three nights out of four (but a thorough wash on the off night).

Original poster

libbyssister · 13/05/2011 23:12

We've just got stuck in a rut especially as it used to be just easier to sort all 3 at the same time... He only just turned 6 last week so I'm reluctant to let it slide too late, but certainly would help splitting him up from DS2 at bedtime as they share a room and play off one another...

OP posts:

seeker · 13/05/2011 23:12

Am I undertanding this right? Is your 6 year old going to bed at the same time as his baby brothers? I'm not sure that's fair - sorry.

Could he maybe watch a bit of telly while you're getting the little ones to bed? Then he couls have a atory all to himself, and then lights out and a story tape? Something like that?

And children don't need a bath every day at any age!

Original poster

libbyssister · 13/05/2011 23:27

I dunno, the baby needs a bath every evening as he spends the whole day being sick on himself, rubbing food into his neck rolls and pooing. There's only so much a baby wipe can mop up!

But you're right, we do need to change something. Thing is, he's not actually following the little ones' routine as they're asleep by 7 and he's hanging on in there for another 2 hours :(

OP posts:

Tryharder · 13/05/2011 23:30

I do tea, bath and bed and have never read Gina Ford in my life.

My DS1 is 6 and the younger 2 are 2 and 10 months. Our routine involves the younger 2 going up for their bath around 7pm. Ds1 can play by himself then. DS2 gets a story after his bath and has something to eat at which time DS1 goes for his bath. DS2 goes to bed at around 7.30 - 8pm (quite late but he still naps during the day). DS1 goes to bed at around 8 - 8.30 pm but is allowed to read independently in his bed if he wants (usually falls asleep after around 15 minutes)

Mine have a bath or shower every night - am sure they don't need it but they do get pretty dirty in the day and it makes them smell a bit nicer...

edam · 13/05/2011 23:30

So, work out his own big boy bedtime routine and hopefully he'll be much happier. You have to figure out how to dovetail him with his little brothers, so he's not getting frustrated because he wants your attention while you are busy bathing them or reading their stories, but it should be possible. How's his reading, btw? If he's a strong reader, may be he'd like to read his little brothers a story?

seeker · 14/05/2011 15:54

Incidentally, since when has tea, bath and bed thing become Gina Ford? Isn't it just a normal child evening? I am as far away from Gina Ford in my parenting as it's possible to be without actually allowing them to be raised by wolves, but mine always had tea, bath, bed. Still do at 10 and 15 most nights - althout the gaps betweent eh activities tends to be longer than it was!

coccyx · 14/05/2011 15:57

I had a titter that Gina Ford did, tea, bath ,bed!! Thats normal isn't it, don't need a book to tell me that!

AngelDog · 14/05/2011 16:26

There is a 2.5 - 3 year sleep regression which is often about not wanting to go to bed / being unable to go to sleep. Dunno if that's affecting things.

More info here here and here.

moondog · 14/05/2011 16:28

Nowt wrong with a routine.
That's common sense, not a Gina Ford copyrighted concept though.

exoticfruits · 14/05/2011 18:03

Its news to me that tea, bath and bed is GF!! It is common sense and ends the day.
With the 6 yr old you simply tell him that he goes to bed later because he is older. He has a bath-you then give him his special time with a story and say good night. You leave him with water by his bed, tell him he can read by himself for a while, but he is to stay in his room-simple!

FionaJT · 14/05/2011 20:35

My dd is 6 and bedtime has been 7pm ever since I can remember (nothing to do with GF - I've never read her stuff). But I've never bathed her every day (she has had excema although almost grown out of it now), and the 7pm 'deadline' is now to get into pj's and start to wind down. She loves to read, so that gives us time to do a bit of school reading, and for her to have a bedtime story from me, and then 15 mins or so reading her own book in her bedroom. So it's usually goodnight & lights out at 8 - although she still regards 7 as 'bedtime'.

Original poster

libbyssister · 14/05/2011 21:37

What I meant in my OP was that when he was a newborn/baby we set up a routine (based mostly around GF) which included tea at 5 pm, bath at 6pm, bed at 7pm. And it had stuck (mainly because we kept having babies and that bit suits them).

Anyway, tonight we put his brothers to bed at 7 and then had a really lovely hour together. He wrote some thank you letters, ran around the garden shooting his spud gun at us (!) had a biscuit and some warm milk and had a chapter of his book read to him downstairs. He went to bed at 8 and faffed about a bit but it was all so much more relaxed and he was all smiles. Thanks for the advice everyone!

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 14/05/2011 22:14

Always best to treat an older one differently-they respond well.

edam · 14/05/2011 23:43

glad it worked well, libby.

bacon · 15/05/2011 12:25

Ditch the bath routine. Its impossible unless the baby really needs it. I did GF (much success) until about 1 with DS1 (now 5)as we lived in a caravan and no bath. With DS2 - 2 years old I just wipe him down. Both boys go down between 7-8pm.

Its not necessary to bath children, and really I dont think I did much bathing after a few months as time didnt exist. DS2 get very grubby but so what he's a typical boy. Sometimes the bedding looks grubby too but both are extremely healthy. I thinks its cruel to bath a very tired child. I would just put them to bed you can always bath the baby/children in the morning if that bad.

Doesnt make an once of difference to their health or welfare. I hear some mums say it gets them in a routine but does it???

NellyTheElephant · 16/05/2011 16:25

I'm just like you. Did GF with all my 3 (now 6, 4 & 2) and the whole tea, bath bed thing just stuck. However there is no way that DD1 could go to sleep at 7pm. We had trouble with her for a while but since she has become and independent reader things have changed dramatically for the better as she loves reading her books in the evening. My aim now is to have everyone upstairs, in bed and quiet by 7.30pm but DD1 knows that she can keep her light on until 8.30pm. So we have tea at 5.30pm then it's up for bath time. I try to treat DD1 a bit more like the 'grown up' e.g. often I will task her with helping me to get the 2 yr old upstairs or get her to read to him while he's on the potty or ask her to go up and start running the bath for me (she loves to be responsible!), or I will leave her downstairs washing up a saucepan (not much harm can come to it!) whilst I start the little ones' bath with strict instructions to come up in 10 minutes. The whole bedtime hour is total mayhem and I try to accept that without getting too exhausted.

Certainly I would not force your DS to have a bath every night if he doesn't want to - treat it as a break for yourself, tell him he can do what he likes in his room provided he gets undressed, into his PJs and cleans his teeth while you deal with the little ones. Why not try alternating bath nights - one night he has a bath and the little ones don't, the next night the little ones have a bath and he doesn't (my eldest loves having baths on her own). From 7.30 - 8.30 tell him he can do what he likes in his room provided he is quiet. Lights off at 8.30 (and if he doesn't stick to the being quiet part of the bargain then immediately turn his lights off). You do not need to deal with the 'I need a wee routine' - it's up to him, he's old enough let him get on with it. I have a rule that at 7.30pm no mater what I will go downstairs and leave them all to it (they now know this and have fair warning so if they are playing up and taking ages then that's it - no story).

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