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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Er, a bit weird...about my dd.

11 replies

bitofthisandthat · 13/05/2011 19:54

Hmm, this is not that pleasant but have a slight thing going on with my dd (i am a namechanger).
Her fingers are always smelling pretty gross, like wee- smell or like she has been touching herself down there too much. Then she is constantly smelling her fingers, all the time.
She is 11.
Help, the smell makes me feel ill, and i have tried to talk to her about this but she gets all defensive and starts shouting at me.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

bitofthisandthat · 13/05/2011 19:55

ps. her brother calls her "sniffy whiffy fingers," as they are constantly under her nose. Sorry if TMI.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 13/05/2011 19:59

have you had her checked for infection? if she has thrush, or a UTI things might be itchy and maybe she is scratching down there?

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 13/05/2011 20:01

yes take her to the GP and check shes ok. If all well and discussion about touching ourself as a private thing and washing hands after will be in order.

DirtyMartini · 13/05/2011 20:04

Was about to make the same suggestion.

Also: it's the kind of thing that if you want to talk to her about it you have to really try not to make her feel uncomfortable or she will, understandably, feel defensive and embarrassed. I mean it's so personal.

If she is touching herself a lot I would guess that it's a phase and will pass, and is pretty harmless, right? Not sure what you mean by "too much". Hygiene is important though. If you remind her frequently to wash her hands (but not in a way that is loaded with significance or disgust) maybe she will cop on to the fact that it's noticeable without you having to do much else?

I dunno. Don't have kids that age so am purely speculating.

Original poster

bitofthisandthat · 13/05/2011 20:05

i have asked her if its itchy and she always says no.
i mean "too much" as she delves her hands into her pants at the table, on the sofa, anywhere, and then subtley sniffs it!!!!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 13/05/2011 20:13

Apart from this do you have any other concerns? She has no possible special needs or anything like that?
does she sniff other stuff?

i have 3 poss scenarios going through my head atm.

some kind of sensory issue regarding smelling/touching? may also tie in with the inappropriateness of when/where she does this?
infection as I said already, but she is too embarassed to admit it?
she is worried she smells and wants to keep checking?? perhaps someone at school has been teasing her or something?

I think at 11 she ought to really know not to do that at the dinner table or in front of people? and i don't think it would be wrong of you to say to her that you've noticed it and while it's fine for her to touch herself as much as she wants to, that it's really a private thing etc etc

TheVisitor · 13/05/2011 20:20

At 11 she is FAR too old to be doing this in front of other people. I think you need a good chat about what is appropriate behaviour. She needs to be told that if she wants to have a fiddle, then her bedroom is the place to do it. I wouldn't be that gentle about it, actually, as she should be embarrassed at her age.

Original poster

bitofthisandthat · 13/05/2011 21:33

She wouldnt dream of doing it in front of strangers, just me but even then she thinks im not looking.
Its the sniffing of the fingers that bothers me, she holds them under her nose 24 hours a day...

OP posts:

FlingonTheValiant · 13/05/2011 22:20

God this is so embarrassing, but I know that I have a habit of smelling my fingers. Not because I've been touching down there, but if I scratch my head, or my arm, or my pits.

I started at secondary school, where I was horribly bullied and was told I smelt, so I used to do it from paranoia, and although I've pretty much stopped if I'm stressed or self-conscious I do it, which then turns into this horrible cycle, because I realise I've done it and then I'm self-conscious about that, so I do it again... ad infinitum.

I never did it 24/7, although it seems like it to me as I'm so acutely aware of it.

So if it's the sniffing you're worried about maybe ask if she's being bullied.

Oh, and I also smell other things, I have a bit of a smelling obsession now, I think because it's a bit weirdly wrapped up in my mind that good things smell good etc.

TheVisitor · 14/05/2011 12:13

The sniffing may be a sensory thing, but I would be ensuring that she's washing her hands after going to the toilet and before eating, even if it means standing over her. Might be worth having a puberty chat with her.

Chundle · 14/05/2011 18:03

Aww bless her I actually feel a bit sorry her. She's at that sensitive age and I really think someone has probably said something cruel to her at school and she's now worried her bits smell and is a bit worried. Perhaps have a good chat about personal hygiene etc, but again she shouldn't put hands in trousers at table etc but she is prob just worried

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