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VERY stressy 4.5yr old ds -is it normal?

10 replies

ItsMyTurn · 13/05/2011 09:23

well is it? He gets so overwrought wiht things that are so minor. He can starte the day in a whiney, highly strung mood and it drives me bonkers. I will remain calm and try to turn his mood around but sometimes I cannot! He can also be extremely rude to my Mum - his nany who he loves. It is so embarrassing. He is extremely articulate so it is not a matter of him getting misunderstood - not linguistically anyway - but it is such hard work to keep him on an even keep some days. Anyone else got experience of this???

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CharlotteBronteSaurus · 13/05/2011 09:28

no advice, but sympathy. dd1 was a breeze at 2 and 3. at 4, she has turned into a bit of a stroppy so-and-so. perhaps it's just a "4 thing" for some dc....

IndigoBell · 13/05/2011 10:19

I have experience of this - turned out my DS had Aspergers........

ItsMyTurn · 13/05/2011 12:39

really? Aspergers? He can be so utterly delightful, engaging and amusing too. Larking around singing and entertaining. What exactly is Asperger's? i know it is in the Autism Spectrum.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/05/2011 12:41

children with Asperger's can be delightful and amusing too Smile

IndigoBell · 13/05/2011 13:27

children with Asperger's can be delightful and amusing too

Absolutely.

If you google you will find lots. A child with Aspergers would have a range of difficulties, which may be not so noticeable to you when he's 4.

Also there is no one symptom they have to have or not have to get a dx of Aspergers. It's looking at the whole child and see if they have a variety of problems. However lots of kids with Aspergers have extreme anxiety problems. And can also be extremely rude. And articulate.

Social-Emotional Skills

Children with Asperger Disorder display social-emotional delays across the board. Here are some of the more common challenges that have been observed:

Does not engage in pretend play activities
Child prefers to avoid eye contact with adults and peers
May speak in a monotone voice
Prefers to do all the talking, doesn't listen very well
Child may talk a lot about a particular area of interest
Doesn't understand jokes and sarcasm very well
Frequently resorts to playing alone, unable to make and keep friends
Does not adhere to the rules of play, or doesn't understand them
Lack of empathy for others
Child has problems reading people's faces
Problems with all types of nonverbal communication
Wants to make friends, even though it's difficult
Child may interact more with adults than with other children
Motor Skills

While a lack of social skills is often the most commonly exhibited symptom of Asperger Disorder, both gross and fine motor skills can also be affected. Here are some of the most common symptoms:

Gross Motor Skills

Overall clumsiness and lack of coordination
Strange gait
Problems learning to ride a bike or scooter
Doesn't excel in sports
Problems learning to skate
Trouble learning to tie shoes

Fine Motor Skills

Poor handwriting, sometimes illegible
Late to learn how to eat with utensils
Prefers not to color, and does not color within lines
Overall delay in fine motor development
Cognitive Skills

Children with Asperger Disorder may be above average in cognitive development, although there are some characteristics these children share in this area. Some of the most common include:

Large vocabulary
Learns to read at a young age
Narrow areas of interest, to the point of obsession in that specific area
Very good with facts, dates, and numbers in some cases, without really understanding underlying concepts
Strictly adheres to routines, and is very inflexible when faced with altered schedule

Sensory Issues

Sensory issues may be apparent in children with Asperger Disorder. Here are some sensory issues to watch out for:

Child may be extremely sensitive to noises. May cry and hold ears when around loud noises
May want all tags removed from child's clothing
Very limited diet. Child may eat only certain foods, refusing to try new ones.
Child may not enjoy activities like swimming or getting wet.

ItsMyTurn · 13/05/2011 17:38

Indogobell - this does not sound like my son. But thank you for taking time to give me the information. Smile ds just cannot seem to hold on to his emotions AT ALL. He cries whenever there is something he doesn't like, want, want to do. He cries if you are speaking and he wants to burst in and get your attention. I am a widow and dh died in traumatic circumstances - not that ds was aware, but the lead up to dh's passing and the weeks/months that followed would almost definitely have had an impact on ds. He is consistently rude to my Mum and other adults in my family - not for rudes sake - but because he doesn't seem to have the ability to say thank you or acknowledge when something has been done for him even though he does know that treats are special and should be thanked for. It comes across as him being a brat ,which in all honesty, he sometimes is! I love him so much but thsse meltdowns are driving me crazy as they can go on for aaaggggeeeessss, to the point where he doesn't even know what he's frustrated about.

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 13/05/2011 17:47

I'm very pleased that it does not sound like your son.

I hope it is 'just a phase' and he get's over it soon......

Halogen · 14/05/2011 16:40

I don't know if it's normal but I certainly hope so because my DD is exactly the same (4.8) and, FWIW, the Asperger's description doesn't sound at all like her either. She's not deliberately rude, but she does cry about anything and everything all blooming day long. My interpretation of it is that she seems to have recently started understanding social things a lot more so if she gets something slightly wrong she gets very embarrassed and then tearful. She will also cry if she realises that she's been naughty in some way (often accidentally). I'm not a particularly strict mother so it's not that she's afraid of me telling her off, I don't think. In her case, it seems to be a growing awareness of other people's feelings that's upsetting her. Could it be something like that? DD is also very articulate and never stops chatting.

ItsMyTurn · 14/05/2011 18:54

halogen - i really don't know what it is - gld that someone else has a child like it though! All the other 4yo's at playschool seem so happy and bright and my ds comes out 4 out of 5 mornings frowning [embarrassed]. He has been absolutely delightful all day today - singing, making up rhymes, larkign about - wish he was like it more often . What do you do when yours gets stressy?

OP posts:
Halogen · 14/05/2011 19:53

I just cuddle her and tell her to have a good cry and she'll probably feel better afterwards, if it's something really silly that I can't help her to rationalise (she cried this morning because she dropped a tissue on the stairs and couldn't explain why that was a bad thing). If it's something based in reason such as feeling bad because she accidentally hurt me while playing or something then I try and talk to her about how she could avoid that in future. If it's something mildly silly like being sad because one of her toys 'said' something mean to her, then I tell the toy off a bit and ask it not to do it again. I can't see what else I can do, really. I mean, I can hardly tell her off for getting upset - it's not in her control. But I think I would come down a bit harder on deliberate rudeness which so far I haven't had to deal with. I do sometimes point out that it's very hard for me to talk to her properly when she's crying and say that when she calms down we can talk about whatever it is, which has some effect.

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