Bad day at nursery, possible advice required.

[Iliad]

Well I went to pick my son (He's 3.4yr) up from nursery today, as per usually, and got the "Can I have a word with you?" from his teacher. I wasn't expecting what came next. She told me that he had been really bad today, and this week more than usual. Today he put his toothbrush down the toilet, he was throwing things all over for fun not in a tantrum way, and the worst of which he through sand into another child's eye who then had to go to hospital. This last one has made me feel really bad. She told me he hasn't really developed any since he started at the end of January, that he dosn't follow simple instructions as if he dosn't understand them. As soon as no teacher is looking he starts to climb on things and act up and put things in his mouth, someone has to watch him constantly which they can't do as they have lots more children to look after aswell.

Now I know he's not stupid, he has a great vocabulary, can count to 20 without being prompted, he always understands whenever I ask him something and can answer me so I don't know why to his teacher he dosn't seem to understand.

So now I'm a bit worried as obviously I don't want his behaviour to continue like this while he is at nursery but I don't know what to do. I have contacted my local Sure Start but only got to leave a message, they are supposed to be comming out to see us anyway about a potty training strategy but that's another matter.

I don't know what else to put really, but if anyone has any advice or questions then please feel free to respond.

I am not an expert but it sounds to me like he might be fine with one one one (i.e. teachers watching him or spending time directly with you) but struggle not being supervised. Not sure what to suggest but bumping for you.

My daughter is going through something similar. She's 2.3 and started at nursary end of February. At first she was so happy to be there and was playing well and joining in all the activities. Then 4 weeks in I get held back and have to sign an incident form, she had bit a little boy when he wouldn't give her the dolls pram. Ok we said just a one off. 2 weeks later I get called in again this time she'd bitten 3 different children in the space of 2 and a half hours. I was mortified! Not only did I have to sign an incident form again but I was collared by my not so lovely health visitor who asked me some very unsettling questions about if my pets had ever bitten her? Does she bite at home? Has she ever witnessed violence in the home? Do I ever bite her back? I was distraught and went home in tears. I was asked to attend a meeting between a behavior specialist (who I have met before and Georgia adores) and I was told I MUST attend weekly parenting classes. I felt on the dock and she was judge jury and executioner. Thankfully the behavior specialist was understanding and really helpful. The behavior continued in nursary however and she has been given a 1 to 1 key worker and a diary to take home for me to fill in on achievements and anything I think she needs to know to help control her behavior while she's there. Now I literally know to stay behind every day we're there.

Can they offer him a key worker or anything similar just to give him some 1 to 1 time? Maybe he's struggling to fit in?

Sorry for a really long one. Thought it might help if someone else was going through the same thing. x

Firstly no way should you have been given a shock about a so-called lack of development/progress since Jan when he started, the staff should be giving you regular progress reports and sharing with your their strategies and plans for managing his behaviour, to give you an opportunity to support him. So I'm very cross about that for you.

3 yr olds are very impulsive and all of what you have been told is NORMAL range stuff, nothing jumps out at me

You could ask to meet with nursery to look at his EYFS file (which should be available to you at any time) together

Don't feel bad

Cheers folks.

I don't think he is struggling to fit in as he likes to tell me what he's been doing that day and about his friends.

I think one to one would be great until he "grows out of it" I don't know how feasible this would be at his nursery but it is something I can discuss with Sure Start.

His teacher had mentioned when I have asked how he was getting on before that he seems young for his age, putting things in mouth and what not, and in some ways he may be but in other ways he seems much more advanced than others of a similar age. They are all different after all.

I think I'll have a look into the EYFS file thing, I didn't know about that.

I only feel bad because my child sent another child to hospital not because my son is just being a 3 year old boy doing 3 year old boy type things.

just to comment on "throwing sand in another childs eye so they had to go to hospital"

Well IMO the fact that child had to go to hospital is irrelevant... every throwing sand issue is equal to any other, regardless of the consequenses... Im sure your child didnt MEAN do get sand in childs eyes...

also (have nannies for 10 years and worked in a kindergarten class for a year with 3 - 4 year olds) it is easy for children to flick sand without even doing it deliberately, buy flicking a spade for example..., and certainly without intention of getting anyone....
Now if he deliberately threw sand into other childs face, then that is not good... but perhaps it was an accident and regardless of consequences of his actions, they were just normal "playing in sand" accidents that happen, and other child was unlucky.

not sure if i am explaining what i mean well.... what i mean is even the best "behaved" children might flick sand BY MISTAKE when in the sand pit.... and are they certain that your child was doing it deliberately on purpose?