Is ds the only 8yr old that still has regular screaming, feet stamping tantrums ?

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

He is currently in the other room crying and screaming and shouting at himself and anyone else who will listen because he can't go on the laptop.

He does this all of the time for varying reasons and always ends up being punished, but doesn't learn.

He even does it when I wake him of a morning because he doesn't want to go to school.

Nothing seems to get through to him.

Tell him you'll count to ten then he's in trouble if he doesn't calm down, then do the count down in a deep loud voice (that signifies that you mean business) If you get to ten take something off him- the count down will give him time to think! it will start to work!!

9yo DD still does it, usually for refusing to do something like tidy her room.

Oh i do similar all the time faairyglade but he gets himself so worked up that he doesn't even hear what I am saying to him.

I generally ignore him where possible and then he eventually stops. He carried on for a bit today though, so was also stopped from playing out.

Just wondered if he should still be doing it at his age. He does have a very very short fuse and can go from calm to enraged within about 1 second.

DD 9 has just calmed down after a full on melt down. Fun fun fun, apparently it means she will be a good teenager [hhm]

Oh ffs

I originally signed up to mumsnet a few years ago because I was going through this with dd1. Remember walking down the street with her kicking and screaming and trying to pull dd2 pushchair over all because she didn't think her hair looked right! Or that her socks felt itchy. Or the sky was the wrong colour blue! She is a sensitive child and at times has OCD tendencies - but at 11.5 is now a pleasure to be around and is mortified when she looks back at how she behaved.

It was like the red mist came over her and nothing could get through to her. No threats, no promises made any impact. You expect this when they are 2 but when they are 8 and you are having to explain to the junior school head teacher that your dc has just bitten you on the way to school and has run off.

Like Coca I have told dd1 that I expect to sail through her teenage years!!

Sorry I can't offer any practical advice - but you're not alone.

I used to feel like I was the person going through it ,my son was a nightmare you're right about that red mist! he has grown out of it a bit now- the counting to ten was the only thing that worked- but I must admit not always!!

Thank's all.

I have two elder dc, both girls. Dd1 was nothing like this, but is making up for it now she is a teen lol. Dd2 was an absolute nightmare and actually can still have a good tantrum and she is 11, so i'm not sure why I expect ds to have stopped.

He always seems to have extreme emotional reactions to everything tbh. He can get angry and/or upset at the slightest thing and doesn't always understand a situation correctly and reacts before realising whats actually going on.

Sounds just like my DD1 (nearly 8). She shouts, scream very loudly and just has so much rage for silly little things. I find it very hard to deal with and her moods have spoilt many a day out! She is never like it at school though! Her teacher was shocked when i said what she was like at home. She lost her Nintendo DS tonight for 5 days (was going to be a week but that will be over her Birthday and she has a DSi for that lol!) because she got angry with DD2 and slapped her.

At school ds isn't as bad although does have some problems sometimes because he gets very upset if he falls out with a friend or if someone is winding him up. He also doesn't get jokes very well and so that can cause problems.

My ds is also 8 and we do have this but I can usually look back and see that it has been building up, ie a couple of later nights, too much time on the laptop, too much screeching outside playing football. I am sometimes guilty of just leaving them to play and forget that they need time to chill quietly and relax.
We also get the screaming 'I hate myself' which hurts, its as if his emotions need to get out then it won't happen again for a bit.

OP he sounds just like my DS who will turn 8 in a couple of weeks. He started having whopper meltdowns over everything around age 3. I think he has got a bit better at controlling himself over the last year or so, however just when I think he's been really calm for a good while, he will have a meltdown every day for a week, just to prove me wrong. Like you said, my DS can go from 0-60 in two seconds flat. He seems to FEEL everything very strongly. I also think he's a bit emotionally immature.

When he's in the middle of a rage, he can't hear me. There's no point in trying to reason or threaten while he's still angry. Getting angry or shouting at him just makes him worse. I try very hard to not react at all while it's happening. I take him to his room and now, eventually, he stays there and comes back when he's calmed down, which could take anything between 5 and 30 minutes. Punishments don't have much effect - when he's calm he listens and sees reason over whatever the issue was, but in the moment he loses control.

I've also had to learn to ignore reactions from others when he does this in public. I just have to take him somewhere quiet to calm down, e.g. the car. Not easy.

Some kids are just like this I think, and my DS is getting slowly better at controlling himself. If I do give him a consequence (more if he's done something deliberately naughty rather than just getting angry), he now accepts it once he's calm which is huge progress from before, when he would have a new meltdown whenever he remembered about the punishment.

We maintain quite strict boundaries and I do think it's paid off. One of my friends has a DS with similar rage-issues but her approach has been to walk on egg shells around him to stop a meltdown at any cost, and tbh he's getting worse and worse and the whole family is revolving aroung keeping him happy. I couldn't live like that. I do on the other hand give my DS responsibility for his meltdowns, e.g. when he had a big rage over doing homework, I did not get involved and left him to explain to his teacher why it was not finished.

Good luck!

They sound very very similar ratsnapper.

My main way of controling ds's outburts is to try and figure out what might set him off before it actually does. So today when I collected him from after school club, I told him as soon as we left that we were walking (flashpoint 1) but then before he had chance to complain I asked him about what he'd done at club and it made him forget we were walking.
Normally if i left it until he realised we were walking, he'd explode.

I always try and give plenty of warning of things that I know will cause a problem, like leaving somewhere that he likes/homework time/time to come off wii etc. I find if I give plenty of early warning then he is nowhere near as bad.

Ds is emotionally immature and this stand out quite alot when you see him in a group of similar ages children, but he is slowly getting there i think.

Wow, at last I've found people in the same boat as me :)

Ds is nearly 8 and it feels like we're not out of the toddler tantrum stage too; most days we have a meltdown over something utterly insignificant. He has been assessed for various things, and they said he had tendancies towards this that and everything else, but wasn't actually diagnosed with anything. He is the youngest boy in his year and is much immature emotionally. It is frightening how quickly he can lose his temper, and I agree with other posters, there is no getting through to him in any way until he has calmed down :(

I worry myself silly about his behaviour, I have tried everything under the sun and frequently ask for meetings with his teacher / senco etc to see how he's getting on as his behaviour at school appears the same :(

I truly hope he grows out of it soon as i will have a nervous breakdown otherwise! His behaviour started when he was about 3 as well, his dad left just before his second birthday and he still sees him fortnightly, but I do wonder if that was a trigger in some way for his behaviour?

Have any of you tried looking at yr DCs diet? My DH has an intolerance to wheat he goes into rages when he's been eating it (even healthy org, brown bread) he avoids it now.

So we're still married! It actually is a serious problem and one that very few people are aware of. you can give rye or spelt bread sainsbos sells rye.

We've found the same as you, Nutcracker - DS is slightly calmer when he knows in advance what will happen, but this is fairly recent - when he was younger I used to prepare him for situations I knew would be tricky, but he would still usually kick off. I think he couldn't keep the information in his memory long enough to prepare himself.

I've found that giving him as much control as possible helps, e.g. if I remind him about his homework he might kick off, so instead we have a routine where he comes home, has a snack and chills out for a bit, then is supposed to do his homework before he can watch tv or play DS. I usually leave his homework folder on the table so he can see it and often now he will sit down and make a start without being told. Then lose his temper because he doesn't understand what to do, but one step at a time....

Benben - I also split with ds's dad when ds was 3 and although i don't think that this bothered him overly, I think the following crappy relationship he has with his dad has contributed towards some of his problems.
Xp just doesn't get ds. He doesnt understand that he is into football or similar and normally ends up winding ds up.

Ds isn't quite as bad at school. He was on an IBP all through year 2 and has only just come off it in yr 3. It was mainly related to him being disruptive in class (talking) and not getting on with his work. That has all improved, but tends to slide again every few weeks.

Ppeatfruit - Not really looked into ds's diet tbh, but thats a good idea.

Ratsnapper - I do pretty much the same as you. We do homework at the same time every week so ds knows it is coming. Doesn't always stop the tantrum, but it's getting better.