A stressed six year old.

[RichJohnston]

My six year old daughter was complaining of a stomach ache, but then seemed to be able to eat fine. After discussion it seems that she's worried about schoolwork, she found herself in a group unable to do the work set while everyone else was able to and got quite upset. This all came out this morning in a tearful discussion. We talked it through, we said we'd talk to the school (and I did), promised swimming at the weekend and she ended up happily, laughingly, smilingly going to school with all stomach ache gone. An hour in we get a phonecall that she's in floods of tears complaining about a stomach ache.

She's a loved child with a three year younger sister but she carries the world on her shoulders. Any advice as to how we can help her be happy in herself?

Not every one's cup of tea but I have had good success with flower remedies with DD1. Mostly I just talk and talk to her, and let her come to her own conclusions about what to do. I think somehow taking it seriously but not making a mountain out of a molehill is the key (not that easy is it!?) We have been lucky and had lovely teachers too so that has helped as you need to have them aware of the problem.

Did her teacher say she would change her group to lessen the stress on her? IMO there's still too much pressure on the DCs at school.

Or maybe give you some of the work she's meant to be doing so you can help at home if the teacher hasn't the time.

I would try to find out which type of school work is causing the problem, e.g literacy, numeracy, etc. Once you know, I would try to draw up a program ideally with the teacher so she can catch up and then do every day a little bit but in an as relaxed atmosphere as possible. Furthermore, I would keep doing stuff during the holidays as well, to give her maximum opportunity to catch up. Also, it may not need to be done in a formal way, for example, to practise writing she may be able to write the shopping lists for you or things you need to do that day (you could give her a diary and every day she can write what you want to do that day, plus any shopping and where you want to buy the things). For numeracy you can try to incorporate the issue she has difficulties with (assuming there are any) in daily activities, counting, dividing, multiplying, measuring you can all incorporate in cooking and baking activities. Similarly, she can read recipes for you, signs when you are out and about, look things up on the internet, etc. So it does not need to feel formal at all. Good luck.

My dd (7) was like this last year. I think it can take them a very long time to get used to 'real' school after the informality of reception.
I spent a lot of time talking about how everyone has to practice to get good at anything, I used examples of great artists doing loads of preparatory sketches and often over-painting too- even people who have extraordinary natural talent in particular areas make mistakes!
A concept that has been quite useful is that you have to make mistakes in order to learn, they are a fundamental part of the learning process. There's a lot of pressure on children to perform and do well at school, sometimes they need reminding that it's not the be all and end all. I tell my dd about the London Marathon- only one person can come first but thousands of others run just for the satisfaction of it.
It may be that her self-confidence in general needs a bit of a boost. Although you can certainly help her with her schoolwork to get over this little hiccup, there are times in life where we're all faced with things we can't do as well as others.

What did the school say when you spoke about her worries? Sounds like she may need more help or be moved 'down' a group? If it's specifically about not managing the work then only the school can help there, really.

I'd be asking for a meeting with the teacher to discuss her anxiety and get their views on what they can do.

If her anxiety carries on, I can heartily recommend a book called 'what to do when you worry too much'. It's got some very simple strategies to go through, nothing very clever or earth shattering, but it really helped my anxious DS. It was quite revolutionary for him.

My DS is almost 6 and is having terrible anger outbursts at home. Once he gets angry nothing calms him. His teacher has none of this behaviour in class. I have tried breathing techniques, time out, toys being taken off him etc and nothing helping. He screams at me, kicks doors to the point I have had to apologise to the neighbour. Any suggestions please.