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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS just headbutted DH :o(

27 replies

wangle99 · 11/05/2011 08:49

DS is quite high spirited and is prone to sulking, tempers etc (He is 7 years old). DH this morning asked him to get his coat to take to school, DS said no he wanted to take school fleece, DH continued with coat (we have heavy showers at the moment), DS temper continues while they go down to school bus, DH is now trying to 'cheer' DS up so he doesn't go to school in a foul mood, he bent down to DS level and DS purposely headbutted him breaking his glasses.

I have no idea how to deal with it. Help :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Davsmum · 11/05/2011 14:44

He shouldn't have tried to cheer your son up. If he was in a bad mood your DH should just have ignored him until he got over it. Your DS would have interpreted your DH's attempts as feeling guilt.
SO what if he goes to school with the bad mood ?! Kids need to learn to cope with frustration not be 'cheered up' when they use a 'mood' to show their anger.

fairyglade · 11/05/2011 14:46

I was going to say it's a boy thing but reading that he's headbutted hd makes it serious- sounds like he may have adhd

Davsmum · 11/05/2011 14:57

Why would it be ADHD ??
Lots of children will headbutt if they can get away with it, especially when in a temper. Girls will do it too. If you deal with it the first time in a very firm and clear way they probably won't do it again. They may try it with someone else though !

AmazingBouncingFerret · 11/05/2011 15:02

What Davsmum said, dont try and cheer him up. He wouldnt of been mardy once he was in school with his friends.

One headbutt does not qualify for a diagnosis of ADHD fairyglade!!

fairyglade · 11/05/2011 18:03

7 year olds don't normally headbutt parents so hard that they brake their glasses!!! also wangle99 says he's high spirited prone to sulking and having temper tantrums

fairyglade · 11/05/2011 18:06

I've never been headbutted by a child and I've got 3 sons and 1 daughter and one of my children has adhd! (touch wood he's 16 now!)

AmazingBouncingFerret · 11/05/2011 18:22

Dont care how hard it was or how many children you have one headbutt still does not qualify the diagnosis of adhd.

fairyglade · 11/05/2011 18:28

It's not one headbutt though is it? she says he is high spirited sulky and temper prone! She's obviously at the end of her tether or she wouldn't have posted it!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 11/05/2011 18:36

And a quick flyaway response of "he may have adhd" is really helpful isnt it!
You are in no way qualified to say, especially so over the internet.

On a side note my DS is very high spirited. Can have major strops and has a temper to rival mine. But I take it as learnt behaviour not any medical condition!
Plus he's just whacked my DH in the bollocks so hard that he was flat out on the floor for 5 minutes. They are children sometimes they forget to think about the consequences.

5inthebed · 11/05/2011 18:41

A bit ott there Fairyglade. ADHD indeed

You show me a 7 year old that doesn't sulk!

My DS1 is just coming up the end of 7, and he was hard work for a month or two, as were most of my friends' sons. Although none of them headbutted.

Is he frustrated at all? Maybe looking for some independence?

fairyglade · 11/05/2011 18:46

Okay I concede children do forget to think about the consequences!! it's not a flyaway response though he might have it!

fairyglade · 11/05/2011 19:37

He probably is just frustrated- adhd was only a thought as I say I've had some experience of it myself and I used to work in a Primary school which catered for children who had it.
I hope your DH has recovered AmazingBouncingFerret

KurriKurri · 11/05/2011 22:02

Lots of 7yr olds sulk/have bad moods/ don't think things through/ act impulsively - its not that strange.

As far as your DS is concerned OP, I would make it very clear that lashing out is not tolerated and there will be consequences. I would expect him to try to put things right by contributing to the cost of new glasses, either by losing pocket money for some time, or giving money from his savings, or by doing jobs to earn money to pay for the glasses.

I wouldn't make it long drawn out business - he's only 7, and probably the full cost of repair will be quite too expensive to reasonable expect him to pay, but he can contribute and the principle of 'if you break something on purpose, you have to put it right' is a good one to learn.

Be firm and matter of fact about it - actions have consequences, and if he repeats the behaviour they will happen again. I always think its a good idea to link any consequences to what has happened. But I would talk it through such that you have his acceptance and agreement to the consequences.

Good luck

AmazingBouncingFerret · 11/05/2011 22:07

fairyglade. The child in me always snurks when a man is brought to his knees when hit in the bollocks. No idea why. Quite mean really.

Mobly · 12/05/2011 14:35

I would like to know how your DH dealt with it at the time.

You need a plan of action to deal with naugthy behaviour so you both know what to do if this sort of thing happens again.

What do you usually do?

Davsmum · 13/05/2011 09:20

If a child is temper prone and sulky at 7 yrs old it is probably more to do with how his behaviour has been handled from birth - and not necessarily a medical condition.
Parents often expect their children to magically be calm and well behaved and lovely and never look at the situation surrounding the child or how THEY have responded/reacted to that child since birth.
I think that often when a child's behaviour is a concern - its ourselves we should be looking at and not thinking there is something 'wrong' with the child - Its a cop out to do that !
But then - parents get very very defensive if someone suggests they may be the cause.

Mobly · 13/05/2011 10:13

Personality of child comes into it alot too Davsmum!

Davsmum · 13/05/2011 12:02

Yes,.. of course it does Mobly,.. but whatever 'the personality' a child can know what is and what is not acceptable.
You can have many children -ALL with different personalities but still expect/insist on certain boundaries and levels of behaviour.
If you just accept a child had a temper and lashes out ( because its his personality) - thats exactly what that child will always do. Your job is to teach the child what is and is not acceptable and how to manage their feelings.

Mobly · 13/05/2011 13:00

I understand what you are saying and agree to some extent, but I think your first post comes across as placing all blame on parents for a child's behaviour which I think is unfair.

I am interested to see how op usually deals with such behaviour and how this particular incident was dealt with.

Davsmum · 13/05/2011 13:33

Its not really a matter of 'blame'
I think the first place to look when a child has a behaviour problem is to ourselves.
You may think I am putting all the blame on parents - but I often find parents will look anywhere BUT themselves as to why their child has a 'problem'
There is nothing 'wrong' with making mistakes,.. none of us are experts at being a parent and often need to learn but parents tend to get very tetchy if you suggest THEY need to change.
I made loads of mistakes,.. I handled my son's eating problems all wrong,.. He had those problems because I made it worse ( with the best will in the world) Once I took on board proper advic and saw it was ME who was the problem he got over his eating issues.
I was not consistent in many ways and with many problems I tried something and when it didn't work within a few days I gave up and tried other things claiming 'it didn't work'

If we could be filmed over a few days with our children - I think many of us would be shocked at how we deal with things and see how we really are and not how we believe we are.

TobyLerone · 13/05/2011 13:38

"High-spirited" is a synonym for "badly-behaved" now?

Awesome.

Davsmum · 13/05/2011 14:11

No,.. I think its the temper/sulking and head butting not the high spirited bit.

Mobly · 13/05/2011 14:39

I understand what you're saying Davsmum, it's a bit like when you watch an episode of Supernanny! But the op hasn't even mentioned how they deal with their child's behaviour yet so it's difficult to comment on their parenting (or give advice) at this stage.

As a parent of a very spirited 3 year old I can confirm that personality and temperament has a huge part to play in a child's behaviour. You can see it from birth IMO and you can't blame that one on nurture.

Davsmum · 13/05/2011 15:26

What I am saying is....The childs behaviour is a reflection of how his behaviour has been handled in the past - it reflects the parenting so you do not have to have seen it to know that something has gone 'wrong' - that sort of behaviour does not continue until age 7 if it has been managed properly previously. Of course, some children are more 'challenging' - with stubborness and personality traits,.. thats why how we handle it has to be continuously reviewed.

I would not claim it is EASY - its constant and what works with one child may be much more difficult with another. I don't think its the personality of the child thats the issue - its more the personality and confidence of the parent.

Mobly · 13/05/2011 16:23

Well I think that's very presumptious and not always the case.

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