Scratching and hitting at nursery advice please

[birdynumnums]

I was asked to stay behind yesterday at nursery as my son had scratched two other boys - one on their face and one quite badly on their arm. I was obviously really upset about this and apologised profusely. The keyworker explained that they didn't think he did it maliciously and did not appear to understand that it was wrong.

Today they called me aside to let me know that one of the boys mother's was absolutely furious and demanded to know my sons name which they would not give. She then went and asked the children who it was and they told her.

I'm just dreading sending him again now. He is due to attend again on Thursday afternoon. I'm worried he might hurt another child, worried that the other kids won't want to play with him and worried about being confronted by this other mother. I do understand her response as I would be devastated if my son had been hurt whilst there. I just don't know what to do with him because he seemed to do it for no reason at all. I have tried telling him that scratching and smacking is not nice but I don't think he understands.

How old exactly is your son? Imo there is a difference between say an 18 month old doing this or a 4 year old. Big difference in communication etc.

The reaction of the other mother is partly irrelevant. I knowher child has been hurt, but these things do happen with young children.

Make an appt for you (and your dp if you have one) to meet with the keyworker and/or nursery manager. Explain your concerns. Ask how they are dealing with it (they will have lots of experience with this) and ask their advice on how you should deal with it. You may well find they are supportive and have good advice.

the other parent should accept that scratching and hitting are part of normal child development - they are effective methods of communicating when children have little language and emerging negotiating skills

nursery will have strategies in place to deal with your child, to manage and direct his play appropriately, and you can work with them to shorten this developmental stage

the other parent ought to realise also that

A confidentiality means the staff cannot and must not give details

B tomorrow it might be THEIR child biting or kicking

chin up

oh, and

C they are dicks (the other parent)

HTH

Thanks for replies. He is 2.8.

I feel so at odds over the situation and worried sick. I do understand the other mum being upset as I would have been myself but I would not feel the need to name and shame a 2 year old.

hold your head high, neither you nor your child has done anything wrong

The other mother is naturally upset but has over reacted imo. I remember dd1 at a similar age went through a (thankfully brief) hitting stage. We were "called in" to nursery to have a word. I was so worried. Went in the next day to speak to the staff properly.
They were very relaxed about it all, explained that so many children do it, but obviously it is their duty to make you aware and if necessary nursery and home can work together to sort things out.
When it first happened to us I had visions of her being expelled from nursery! I was upset but soon realised it was fairly standard behaviour at that age.

Thank you 5318008. Have been feeling so awful today about it all so it's nice to hear from someone who does not feel he the spawn of satan.

Yes, I have been having visions of him being expelled from nursery too. Must remind myself that it only one day and he has been going for months.

I am fairly sure that the staff will be able to reassure you tomorrow. If you feel it might help, try and ring or pop in before his Thursday session.