Separation anxiety starts at what age ??

[notnowbernard]

DS (nearly 9m) screams when I leave the room

His sleep is also really crap

So it would seem he REALLY wants his MOther just as I am about to return to work

Just posting cause I'm up with Dd - teething (!) but just to say, she is a yr old, and has just begun getting really upset when I leave her, although probably it did start a little around the same time as your DS. I do know that she is absolutely fine when I am out of sight properly though, it's just the leaving, and when I return and she can't get to me quickly enough when she is upset, as soon as she is distracted by something she is fine (easily forgotten!). She has been going to a childminder since 7 months though, I think that made it a little easier as she was already used to her when it started.

It is always worse when she is tired, ill, teething etc. So maybe the sleep and separation anx are a bit of a vicious circle too? I'm sure it will pass, at least I hope so!

I have heard peekaboo and hiding games help? might have made that up though!

Sorry notnowbernard but i heard 9 months is the peak time for separation anxiety. I know it's not want you want to hear - or me either, since i'll be returning to work just as DS turns 9 months!

I think it can start any time between 6 months and a year. The only advice i've heard is to always explain to your LO where you're going and that you'll be back again soon. After a few times of realising you always come back it gets easier apparently. Guess i'll find out when i get there!

My DS started at about 4 months and carried on until he was 2ish years old. A very testing time for us as i started work and had to settle him into a nursery. Nursery was fantastic and allowed a full month free as a settling in period.

Spoke to a psychologist friend and she said some kids go through this and treat it as a phase as it will pass. She suggested that I should attempt to make him feel secure and win his trust. Easily said than done!

My DS is now 6.5 year old confident child. Apparently my older sister went through a similar phase of stranger anxiety and is now a very confident 43 year old.

DS was the same around that age, I couldnt even leave the room for a second as he would notice I was gone and wail. He would follow me around the house screaming.

However, on occasions I did have to leave him and DH and my mum said that he stopped after about ten minutes and was absolutely fine again-until he spotted me come back that is!

At almost 20 months he is much less bothered by me and Daddy is much more exciting!

Forgot to mention, I followed someone's (HV? Friend? Can't remember now!) advice and played lots of games like Peekaboo with him. First on my lap with my hands on his wrists-I'd cover his eyes for a second and then uncover again-lots of happy chat and 'look Mummy came back'. Then worked up to moving slightly away and hiding my face behind a book or cloth, first partly, then fully. Then more of my body, then hiding behind objects.

DS liked chasing games as well where I would hide and jump out and pretend to be a tiger, so Mummy hiding was a fun thing.

Thanks all

Firkytoodle you have described DS! Follows me around wailing/climbing up leg/etc

Believe it or not he is no.3 but I genuinely don't remember the other 2 being like this. Not extreme enough for me to recall, anyway...

Ok will treat as separation anxiety and up the peek-a-boo

DS is no.2. No 1 was a little clingy at first, but once she was able to crawl and walk confidently she required very little input from me. DS came as a horrible shock .

He'll be suffering from the 37 week developmental spurt which causes the 8/9 month sleep regression. Clinginess is always worst when babies are starting to work on a new developmental spurt. (There?s more info here, here and here.)

Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution is useful if it continues for a while.

37 week developmental growth spurt, you say? 8/9m sleep regression?

(Can you tell I didn't know about MN with the other 2 )

TBH he hasn't ever recovered from the '4m sleep regression' though....

Thanks for links btw!