3 yr old and food

[Whyriskit]

DS1 is 3.5 and tiny. He's been referred to the paed as he's been losing weight since Xmas.
He's about 27 lbs and his 9 month old brother is 20. I'm very small so suspect there isn't anything medically wrong and it's all just genetic. Recently however, he's being very difficult re eating, completely refusing food which I know he likes and refusing point blank to try anything new.
He's much better at his childminder's, so I'm pretty sure it's a control thing. I've had issues with food in the past, so I'm trying not to make a big deal of it, tell him what's for tea, if he doesn't eat it that's fine, but he doesn't get anything else made for him. However, I'm wary of doing this when he's so little anyway.

I need some help/advice to encourage him to eat but not to make food a big deal as I know from experience where that can lead.

Hi whyriskit, I'm no professional expert, but I have been a mum for a long time. Children pick up on your unease very easily and exploit it, even when you think you're saying the right things.
You're right, it is a control thing and I would let him think he has some control by saying, 'would you like this or this?' If you have the energy to let him 'help' prepare it, even if that's just laying the table, then you will add pride into the mix. (especially as the baby is not 'clever' enough to do this).
When he eats it (or some of it), lots of praise and never compare him unfavourably with the little one if he doesn't seem to eat so well. Once he's forgotten the old habit, you won't need to make so much fuss. No doubt he'll soon try another way to control you, but use the same approach.
I know it takes loads of energy to be consistent, especially when you're already knackered, but it's a lot less draining than when it's escalated into a big issue.
If paediatrics do get involved, don't make him feel it's about his 'eating problems' otherwise you're adding more drama to his performance.

I think offer him something else for tea that is equally healthy (so not chips and sweets) but that he will eat & easy to prepare (plain buttered toast or barely sweetened porridge is fine). I can be quite firm about eating tea or go hungry, too, but he's too little to push it, I think.