I am new to mumsnet, and I'm not actually a woman, hope this isn't an issue. I am a stepdad to an 18/19 yo son, and yes I do mean son, as that is how I see him, and not my stepson.
My son has recently started dating his first serious girlfriend, she is 3 years older than him (early twenties).
We are quite liberal with our son as he is a decent person who has never caused issues or been a bad child (something that perhaps many children cannot say in this day and age).
I came on the scene when he was 13, so almost 6 years now, and our relationship has always been good, more of a testament to him allowing me in rather than my great parenting skills.
So back to the subject, since he has starting seeing this girl, who we have met and had dinner with (once), she has stayed at our home perhaps 20-30 times, and on only the first occasion did he bring her to wherever we were in the house and say hello. We felt the meal we had together would break the ice, which it did, but even now, when they come to the house, our son dissappears in his room with her and we don't even see her unless we go to his room and say hello. I was initially surprised at this as she is older than him and I would have thought that she would insist on saying hello even if he didn't want to do it.
She may be shy, and he may be embaressed, but on his side this would be very much out of character, we discuss everything with him and I have always ensured that I never judge him but give him honest caring advice.
I have allowed my wife to take the front seat with this as has always been the case (just for information, we have always made joint decisions when it comes to our son, and discussed parenting tactics). So after the first couple of times it was just ignored by my wife but now, its grating on me that this doesn't seem quite right and as its our home (thats all three of us), it feels disrespectful on his part and hers.
Any views or opinions are welcome. I must stress that this is not a stepfather/stepson issue, and I'm not as interested in the dynamics of our relationship as not blood related, don't forget his mother is, well his mother, and neither of them acknowledge her when they come to the house.
We will have to approach this subject, as it feels like two houses living under one roof and a real devision. Ladies, parents what are your thoughts, would this be acceptable to you? And if it is acceptable, why?
Lastly I know he is not a child, but he is our son and still has a very immature view on many things and while strives for independance lacks the drive to seek it our for himself.
Many thanks in advance.