social behaviour of a 4 year old. extremely she or something else?

[pinkyp]

I've been a bit worried about about my ds, he is nearly 4 now and has also struggled interacting with other children. He has to know somebody for a long time to be comfortable playing with them (he's only just started playing with his cousins etc). At school he will go up to other children but just stand there and play next to them rather than with them. He doesnt talk back to other children if they ask him a question he wont even acknowledge them. I mentioned it to the teachers last parents evening and they both looked at each other and asked if he had his pre-school screening and not to worry.

So i googled it and it came out with autism and aspergers (sp).I have read through symptoms and i dont think he has any for autism - but he does have a few signs of aspergers for example the social behaviour and he gets upset if his morning routine is changed. We have a fairly relaxed routine always have but he always has cereal and milk on a morning and its what he asks for on a morning and if he gets pop/water/juice isnt of milk we get tears, he will not wear short pjs - they have to be full length ones, he has lots of things like this etc etc. He use to burst into tears if people spoke to him (strangers like checkout lady in supermarket) but is a bit better with things like that now.

Do you think i'm over worrying or could it just be simply i have a shy child? I dont want to be wasting peoples time until i feel sure that there might be something wrong?

it sounds as though his social skills are coming along, though slowly.

Are his sensory preferences (the particularity as to sleeve length, etc) fading as he gets older or are they getting stronger? if the latter, I'd definitely take things further.

Is he able to answer questions that trusted people ask him eg you and the cousins? If not, there could be a hidden language problem.

I would put a lot of time in to encouraging and fostering his play with other children over the spring and summer (I presume he starts school in September). But with kids other than the cousins, take it gently, be prepared to do very basic things like invite another child round to watch a DVD and share one big bowl of popcorn - just little things to help him have positive experiences of social encounters. Start from where he is, not where he could or should be at this age.

Thank u, I have been watching him interact with his cousin today & he's interacting alot better than I thought. Thank u for the advice I think I will try that over the summer

maybe keep a diary for a few weeks about his behaviours. I would call HV and ask her to come and discuss the concerns you have.

He sounds a lot like my ds

Who does have a dx of aspergers

Which doesnt mean that yours has but it is a possibility :)

If you go to your gp/hv with your concerns you should be able to get a referral to see a peadiatrician
HTH

With the interaction with other children has anyone taught him how to interact. ie, if your at a park, YOU start talking to other children, "do you like the swing?" "or your a quick runner," and "whats your name?" and then "this is xxx (your ds's name)", he's 4 too..." You be the matchmaker as it were, teach him how to make friends. Also, have a word with School and get them to do the same (dinner ladies etc), maybe pick appropraite children who are gentle, kind, similar. Please don't see this as criticism of you, not meant to be, just an idea.

Not sure what advice to offer but wanted to add we are in a very similar situation.

My DS (4) plays really well when we have friends round but at Pre school he doesn't talk or join in. I find it so frustrating as I feel he is missing out and worry how he is going to get on at school. His behaviour has very slowly improved as he used to hide behind me when friends came over. He still goes shy when we go to someones house we haven't been to before though.

He is also fussy about clothes. He wouldn't wear the short PJs i got him last summer. He can also be funny about tops he wears.

I am hoping he grows out of it. I'm not sure where to go from here and had been thinking of posting on here. Always think its good to know your not alone!