funerals

[stickydate65]

Hi I have a problem that I need some advice on! My 12 year old daughter is begging me to let her go to the funeral of a teaching assistant from her primary school. She was very fond of her at school which was a small village school and all the staff knew all the kids really well and vice versa, but she has had minimal contact with her since leaving there last summer. This TA died unexpectedly very young (56) and lived in our village. The Primary School is closing for the day and many of the older children are going to the funeral with their parents. My daughter has obviously been talking about it with her friends and she has decided she wants to go with me. This would mean her taking a day off school. I was always planning to go myself. My gut instinct is that she is too young and I know the funeral is going to be very upsetting but I am wavering under her pleas. Do I stick with my gut instinct or give in? I am sure part of her reasoning for going is curiosity and that everyone else is! Any advice would be much appreciated.

I don't think she is too young, at 12, to go to a funeral.

Sorry just realised this is possibly in the wrong bit???? how do I move it?

12 is plenry old enough for a funeral, especially as she wants to go. I had probably been to about 10 funerals by that age! I never found them excessively upsetting and would always encourage parents to involve their children.

I don't see the problem, twelve is plenty 'old enough' for a funeral.

I wouldn't have a problem with a 12 year old attending, especially as the service will be planned in the knowledge of likely primary aged attendees.

But you're her mother, and you gut is telling you something. Go with your instincts - this is more an emotional than a practical decision.

I think its adults having a problem with death and being upset that upsets the children.
Children take these things in their stride,..at least they would if adults could deal with it.
Death and funerals are natural and I think stopping a child from saying goodbye at a funeral causes more fear in them than letting them go.
My children went to their Grandmas funeral when they were aged 8 & 11. They were fine because they understood as it had always been discussed openy.

I think you should let her go if she wants to - its good prep for later life and funerals of people she is even closer to

My 7 yo attended her uncle's funeral earlier this year. I think she was probably more "fascinated" by what was going on than upset by it - though she was very fond of him.

If your dd really wants to go, I would let her.

I would let her if she wants to go, funerals are for the living after all. She may just be curious, she may get upset, both are fine and healthy I think.

DS was 6 when he went to my dad's funeral and it was hard to hear him sob a couple of times (he was in the row behind cuddled by DH), but I think it was good he had a place to let out his emotions and he did ask questions about grandad's life due to what he'd heard.