Help! My Jekyll and Hyde toddler!

[petaluma]

I am so upset - I'm finding it really hard to take my ds (20 months) anywhere at the moment, particularly on my own. We went to a toddler dance class this morning (which, on reflection was probably too advanced and structured for him) but he threw a tantrum and tried to hit a little girl when she took an instrument from the music box which he wasn't even playing with.

He's like this all the time when we go to playgroups or round to friends' houses who have dcs the same age - hitting, pushing, crying and generally pretty awful. If he doesn't get his way, he has a right royal meltdown. It's all a bit of a shock as both dh and I are pretty calm and chilled out as personalities.

He loves walking in the park but, as he's a bolter, I can only do this at weekends when dh is around - I can't handle the buggy and trying to keep up with him at the same time, particularly as I'm pg with dc2. He won't stay with me, hold my hand or the side of the buggy - he just runs off so going to do all the things he loves like going to the lake to see the ducks is off limits. We've even tried reigns but that results in a sit down protest. Unless he gets better at walking with me, I don't know how we're ever going to do anything when dc2 arrives as he won't stay in the buggy for long without crying.

I just feel so miserable at the thought of his behaviour when we go out - I dont' want to stop doing things as he needs to be in social situations but I haven't yet found a group which he's ok in.

He loves older kids and was amazingly well behaved when we went to a friend's party the other day which had loads of older children at - but those opportunities are few and far between.

I've painted a rather negative picture of him but on a one to one in the house, he's a very funny, engaging little man - I just wish more of this would surface when we're in the toddler groups or friends' houses. I'm worried my friends dread having us round now, as he's been so aggressive to their kids (the same age) on a couple of occasions.

I feel like when I go to these groups,he's the only one like this- all the other kids seem so calm compared to him!

Please tell me I'm not the only one! Any advice welcome too!

First of all you are not alone! Many children go through this, atleast that's what people kept telling us about our little guy.
Liam is just like that, very independant, strong willed and athletic'..
I too started to avoid taking him anywhere but believe it or not he will grow out of it and calm down but you need to keep taking him to these groups as he will see how other children behave and learn from that.
My son also prefered and still does, the company of older children so where possible keep that up. Regarding the aggressive behaviour again, this is fairly normal. Liam went through a hitting' period and all I could do was remove him from the area until he had calmed down.
I hope this helps a little and what ever you do don't let this get you down. Remember he is just a child and learning, testing boundaries and developing all the time.

Thanks bickies I do try to tell myself it is just a phase and optimistically think that each new playgroup session we go to will be ok. How old is your little guy now?

I think most kids go through a challenging phase. The son of a friend of mine is very similar to how you describe and she really struggles at times, but it does get better and they start to understand danger and communicate more effectively after two, which can help.

Music classes are a disaster for lively boys IME. The best class we did was Tumble Tots. They can still run off from the group they've been put in and be a bit of a nuisance, but at least they're in a gym, so they can't escape and it's a nice, physical class which teaches them balance and control and allows them to run, climb, jump, etc.

Juneau I would love to take him to tumble tots but they start from two around here so still got a few months to go.

I should also say he can be very loving to other kids providing they don't have anything he wants! He always offers snacks out to my friends' kids first so i know there is always a flip side. :)

You're welcome. Tumble Tots sounds great and just the ticket for your little jumper'. If he's too young then what about some sort of kiddies gym or play area where there are soft mats and safe climbing aparatus. He can let loose and burn off some of that enery too..
Sounds like he's a wee dote' as we say in Ireland all be it a lively one.
Take care and good luck.

Petaluma, my DS is very similar re. The bolting! See if you can to find a little gym class. Don't know how to do links, but google the little gym.

These classes have been a godsend for me / my DS and the classes evolve as the child gets older so they learn about rules and structure.

Agree that music classes are like he'll for a male toddler!

Iwishiwasaprincess Thanks! The one in Wandsworth isn't too far away so I think I'll book an introductory class. x