2.6 year old having constant tantrums - is this normal?!

[Ellie78]

I am really getting to the end of my tether with my DS who is now 2 and a half. He has alway been quite determined and headstrong but otherwise lovely, funny and energetic. His baby brother arrived 12 weeks ago, and whilst he was prone to the odd massive tantrum before that he has now gone into overdrive. Every day is a battle. He is getting up earlier and earlier and will start to scream at the smallest thing, ie if I go in to him instead of DH or vice versa. He wants something then he doesn't want it, he likes something then he doesn't...Nothing seems to e right for him and he will descend into fits of screaming, throwing things, hitting etc. We have even had a couple of hitting episodes at nursery where up until now he has been as good as gold. His tantrums will often last for a good couple of hours and they can go on all day sometimes. I am trying my hardest to ignore, praise the good behaviour etc He goes on the step for 2 minutes for hitting but nothing seems to work and it is really grinding me down. Especially as I have a baby to feed and look after. He is lovely with the baby and I do try to involve him as much as possible but I am finding it really hard.
It is so hard when you are in the middle of it - am I missing something?! Is there something I should be doing?! Any advice would be really helpful!!

I hear you!!!
My DS is 2.5 and I too am struggling with the tantrums, the head-strongness, the sudden bursts of over-independence, the anger, the aggression etc etc.

Basically, it is the age. They are going through so many changes at this age with regards to their language, their physical abilities, their social awareness etc. This is a trying time for them and they display their frustrations very clearly.
Don't worry, it will pass. The terrible twos do not last forever and you will get your happy, funny little boy back.

Your son is having a harder time than most though because he is also dealing with the recent arrival of his little brother.
It is great that you are trying to involve him as much as you can. That is definitely the right way to go about it. Try to help him see his brother as a positive addition to his life rather than a brat who takes your attention from him.
When DS was born I tried to involve DD as much as possible.
When breastfeeding DS, I would sit on the sofa with DD and read her stories, help her draw pictures, play with her etc. I tried to turn all that time sitting down into positive time with DD.

DD helped me to bathe DS and helped me to change his nappy etc.
I also helped her to do the same things with her own dolls. Does your DS have a doll or any sort? Maybe he would like a doll, teddy or other toy that he could treat as his baby so that he could look after it like you do.

I'm sorry if you've already thought of these points, but anything that can help your DS feel loved and secure can only be a good thing.
He's changing a lot, but he will return to the lovely little boy that he is inside.

Thank you!!
It is always nice to hear that I am not the only one! I have just ordered a baby doll for him as I have seen him enjoy playing with others and think it would be a nice way to get him to interact a bit more with nappy changes etc.
I just worry that his behaviour is extreme (the other day he woke up from his nap at 3.30pm, screamed and thrashed on and off until bedtime, woke up at 9pm, screaming and shouting then midnight same again!) and there is nothing anyone can do to distract him.
I make myself feel better by thinking he may one day be Prime Minister he is so determined :)

Awwwwwwwww. Roll with it. Stay strong and consistent. Give loads of cuddles but be firm on things that matter (sounds like you are doing). Get grandparents or similar in on taking him out and giving him some really good one to one, so you both get a break.

Make sure he gets enough sleep- or try to. If he's waking early then see if he'll nap/fall asleep in car/buggy after lunch to make up for it.

Must be hard for them suddenly having a sibling that you have to share Mummy and Daddy with. I remember my DS, maybe about the same age, possibly a bit older shouting across the playground "you're not her Mummy, you're MY MUMMY!!!" That told me! Also I think the rivalry stuff comes in phases, not just when the baby is new, it's still coming in phases 2.5 years later so prepare for the long haul!! (generally much easier tho, they are playing together very nicely sometimes now).

A lot of it is the age tho, I thought DS had bad sibling rivalry at times when he was this age which made the tantrums and behaviour worse, but then DD is now this age (2.5) and has certainly had her moments and I've realised it's just part of their development. It's a lot easier to deal with when you're not sleep deprived tho- she was a dreadful sleeper.

I think it helps if you can detach yourself slightly from their behaviour, again much easier to do when not sleep deprived. If you can stay calm when they're kicking off it's (a bit) less tiring.

Good luck! It will pass and it's normal

Don't worry my DS is 2.4 and exactly the same, some days all we get is tantrums/throwing things/kicking and screaming. Other days he can be angelic i think it's just a stage and will pass....hopefully!!

Thanks for the reality check. I must learn to detach and hope it will pass!

Hi Ellie. I am having the same problem and feel exactly at the same point. I am glad that many mums have confirmed what I orginally thought; it is a phase, just ride it out. I think that it is just such a shock if you have a really well established, well behaved little one (2.7 boy) and then they just turn into angry, snarling beasties at the drop of a hat! I think that the trigger for us was a daycare change (full time work Mum sadly). I have just changed from a nursery to a really great pre school and I think that he is so busy now that he has become very tired. He had stopped taking his after lunch nap but now on some days he needs 30 mins to recharge. I have taken real comfort from the advice and support given on here so will try again with some of the things I have tried several times already! Thanks and good luck all!

Hi Ellie, we are having very similiar issues too. DD is 2.5 and we have 11 week old DS and blimey it is tough isn't it! Luckily DS is pretty chilled but for last few months of pregnancy and since he arrived DD has been a challenge to say the least. So I am afraid I don't have much advice to add as am needing it myself! I have armed myself with a whole heap of parenting books, just now need to find the time to read them . I suppose the two things I have found most helpful is to try and keep DD's routine as similiar pre baby as post and to try and spend as much one to one time with her as possible. I have also found acknowledging and validating her more difficult or angry feelings has helped - sometimes! Goodluck.